The Ricky Gervais Show

For the past few years ricky gervais,

Stephen merchant, and karl pilkington

Have been meeting regularly

For a series of pointssle conversations.

This is one of them.

- Testing. - Is that all right?

Hello and welcom e to "the ricky gervais show"

With me, ricky gervais, stephen mercntha...

Hello. -...And the ltlite round-headed buffoon

That is karl pilkington.

Hi.

Do you know the other week

When I came up with like a different idea

Of how we can sort o make the world run?

Could we just ha a quick recap of that?

I seem to rememb it was a load of old arse.

It was ridiculous. It was, um--

He was saying that the world is overpopulated.

So the system would be

Where people were living too long and stuff.

So what happens is, people live till 78--

I don't know how he can enforce that--

But when they die,

They've got a little baby in their stomach

Like a pip in an apple

That then carries on when they die.

It wasn't a theory. It wasn't an idea.

It was the ramblings of a mental case.

You're saying it's stupid, but someone's email said,

"oh, yeah, that's pretty good."

- Just saying. - Go on.

...If th's a no, I've been thinking about--

- It is a no. - --What about

If we do it the other way, right?

- Ah. - Go on.

Somehow-- I don't know how yet--

A kid has an old lady?

That's what it's gonna be, isn't it?

- A chilt gives birth to an old man? - No.

What I'm saying is, work the other way around.

- Come on then. - So if somehow

We can inject something

In a body that's just died, right?

Listen to this. Imagine that's his notes.

When he hands it to the nobel people

D they go, "'if there's a way that

We can inject something, '" they go "well, what?"

I don't know the chemical formula,

But something. Something-h02.

Right. So you inject it in the temple--

He's narrowed it down to the temple.

- So what happens? - She wakes up, right?

Amazing. - And she works the other way.

So she might be 77

And then she'll have a birthday, she's 76.

And she's working that way, if you know what I mean.

- Okay. - Are you with me?

Because the thing is you've got--

- I have no idea. - I'm really scared.

- Yeah. - I'm really scared.

This is the maddest thing you've ever said. - Yeah.

This is madder than the old lady with a pip like an apple in her belly.

- It sort of did work. - This is--

No, it didn't work it worked in your head

It's like a dream that you wake up and go,

- "I've got a great theory." - this is what-- this is it.

Let me just tell you the ending

Because the ending works out a bit better.

- Go on. - What I'm saying is

- When you die at the age of- - - 78.

- --Nine months. - What?

At the age of nine months. That's when you come out.

What do you mean when you die at the age of nine months?

You're not scared of dying 'cause you're now a baby

So you don't know what's going on anyway.

- There's no fear. - So you missed a bit here.

So this woman literally gets younger and younger?

I think when she's in her 20s she's in her old age, rick.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter

Because that's the fun part of your life, isn't it,

When you're 20 and you've got all your energy and that?

Before you die you're actually having a good life

Rather than it being the other way around.

But does she do different stuff than she did on the way up?

She's already lived 78 years, hasn't she?

Don't forget. She was a baby once

And she gr to her years and then someone--

Then when someone stuck a needle in her head

And said, "right, back you go."

No. Well, forget all that bit.

Oh, forget all that bit. How do we forget that bit?

- What I'm saying is-- - so she died

And she doesn't remember- this is a new life, is it?

Let me just leave you with this. - Right.

You're talking shit, explain yourself.

But aren't the family getting younger as well?

- What's happened - karl: Forget it.

- Leave it as it is. - Leave it as it is?

Shall we?Can we all agre on that, guys?

Should we agree to leave it as it is? Is that all right?

'cause I don't wanna hear anymore

From the diaries of charles manson.

I mean, you're a fucking maniac.

Friend of mine got a gift- or rath gave it as a gift.

I don't know if you've been familiar with these.

It's a charity organization.

You go on their website or you can phone them up.

You can give someone else the gift of say, a goat.

And it's a sort of goodwill thing, you know what I mean?

So you buy, you buy an african family, uh, a goat...

That will help them for years to come.

That's like sayi "well, I would have bought you a present..."

"but I've used that money wisel"

Yeah, so it's almost like they've given...

- Exactly. -...The present- - they've given the goat.

Yeah, it's a beautiful idea.

But as soon as he told me about it,

I thought to myself straight away,

Knowing karl's vie on charity and giving,

I wondered what his views would be.

Well, are they happy with the present over there--

The people who are getting it?

You-- you're an idiot.

What, you think an african family wakes up

And there's a little goat with aibbon tied around it

And they go, "oh, look atwh santa brought us."

"look, and that mince pie is gone and that glass of milk."

- You'reuc sh an idiot. - No no no.

What I'm saying , is does that family want a goat?

- Yes. - But why?

It's not that they want a goat. It's that they need a goat.

Do you think-- what do you think this organization is?

Apparently giving goats to people.

They're gonna-- they're gonna say, "oh, I wanted nintendo"?

- What are you thinking? - What I'm saying is,

Let me put myself in their shoes.

Well, this'll be a first.

But say I'one of them over there.

I'm sat there. It's christmas day, right?

I open it up. I open the present.

A little goat there, right?

Now if I was one of them, I would be going,

"not another mouth to feed."

At the end of the day, there isn't enough food

To go arou for themselves, never mind a goat.

Don't they say having a dog is quite expensive?

Sometimes they say, you know,

With all the injections you've got to give it--

Well, I'm assuming it's all above board.

The goat's had its injections.

That's what some of the money goes towards.

It's just a way of redirecting cash.

But the thing is why do they want that goat? What's the main reason?

To-- what-- who--

What's the main- what does a go give ya?

- Both: Milk. - Right.

Wouldn't it be easier to just send them a bottle of milk...

...Without all the hassle and headaches that come with it?

That's all I'm saying. And the other thing is, think about the goat--

That was happy over here.

Suddenly it's on barren land- no grass.

I'm gonna burst.

What do you mean?

He didn't send a goat from here.

I'm saying who's happy at the end of this, right?

You've got a fella who hasn't got a present over here

Because the mate bought him a goat, right?

So yea let's do this properly.

So there's a tick. He's not happy, all right?

Then you've got the person who's opened it who,

Like you said, wanted summat else, right?

It's a goat. They go, "who's gonna look after this?"

So, tick, they're not happy.

And then you've got the goat going, "what am I doing here?"

Definitely love this, surely.

Have you started seeing this now? Virgin?

They've started plugging virgin galactic.

I think it's somethi nglike 200,000 quid

And like you will get a chance to go ina space shuttle into space.

Karl. Thoughts?

Go into space?

Wouldn't it be a fascinating experience

To go into space and look back at the earth?

I mean, well, at what point are you meant to be happy?

Do you know what I mean? You're floating about out there.

And don't get out, do y?Ou

Uh, you mean, to do so duty-free shopping?

I'm just talking. You don't go floating about. You stay in your seat.

Mm. They probably let you move around on the shuttle.

Yeah, I know, but I'm talking about getting out.

- When you go on over there-- - but you wanna go into acspe?

Yes, but that's what I'm saying.

When you go on holiday, the flight bit

Isn't the best bit of the holiday, is it?

That's the bit you've got to do. So what I'm saying is

You've got to stay on this and then you go back home?

You don't take luggage, right?

I don't see the point.

So you're there. You're sat in your own clothes the whole time.

Same clothes the whole time.