Death Becomes Her

Can you believe that? A musical version of "Sweet Bird of Youth."

- Who are they kidding? - Thank God, you wanted to leave.

Can you believe Madeline Ashton? Talk about waking the dead.

I gotta get a drink.

What do I see

That's the question I'm most afraid of

One that asks me what I'm really made of

What do I see

Much more than a reflection

A romance with sheer perfection

I see me I see me

Actress, woman star and lover

Sister, sweetheart slave and mother

I see me

And I like what I see

Virgin, temptress dream of others

Yes, it's me

- We see you - You mean me

Idol, goddess shameless hussy

Diva, princess lewd and lusty

She's sensational.

That's not me Can't be me

- Angel devil - You can trust me

Mon ami

I see

Whoo-whoo

Everywhere I look, baby all I see is

- A contradiction - Oh, come on

- A bad addiction - Knock it off

- Inspiration to a generation - Now you're talkin'

That's you

That's me

Wow!

Oh, boy!

Whoo!

Wrinkled, wrinkled little star...

hope they never see the scars.

Your guests are here, Mess Ashton.

A Mess Helen Sharp with a gentleman.

- Ahh. How's she look? - Who?

Helen, you idiot.

I don't know. Smart, I guess, sort of classy.

Classy? Really? Compared to whom?

Oh, shit.

Mad!

Hel!

- I don't believe it. - How are you?

- It's been so long. - I know.

Don't you dare say how long.

Mad, I'd like you to meet...

Dr. Ernest Menville, my fiance.

You were just wonderful.

Ernest Menville? Dr. Ernest Menville, the plastic surgeon?

- Yes. You were so terrific! - Ernest is quite a fan.

- I've read all about you. - That dance number. Boy, oh, boy.

- I can't believe I'm meeting you. - He never mentioned a Madeline thing.

- We're both huge fans. - I'm sure he doesn't have a... thing.

Do you?

Well, I'm so happy for you... both.

What ever happened to that, um, writing thing?

- Oh, well, um, I'm still trying. - Helen, don't be modest.

- She's a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton. - Mess.

Tell me, Doctor...

do you think that I'm starting to need you?

So...

have you two set a date?

- Yes... we have. - No, actually...

We see the upper eyelid skin incision...

from the medial canthus to the lateral orbital margin.

There are two fat compartments in the upper eyelid, three in the lower.

Oops. Look at all this bleeding.

Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please.

For heaven's sake, Helen, it was a dinner.

The woman wanted my professional opinion.

Ernest, you don't know Madeline the way I do.

She wants you. She wants you because you're mine.

I've lost men to her before.

She just turns on that flash and that glitter and they're gone.

That's why I wanted you to meet her before we got married.

I just had to see if you could pass the Madeline Ashton test.

Please... Please, don't fail.

I couldn't take it again.

I don't know what I'd do.

Do you know how silly you're sounding?

Oh, darling,

I have absolutely no interest in Madeline Ashton.

Mrs. Helen Sharp? It's your landlord. Open the door, please.

I know you're in there!

I have your final eviction notice.

If you don't come out,

- I'm going to break the door. - What are you doing here?

I have the police. If you don't open, we're going to break the door.

- Well, speak! - I'm going to charge you for it too.

- Lady, let's go. - You heard what he said.

You're in trouble.

Come on. Open it!

Lady, listen. You have the right to remain silent.

If you give up the right to remain silent...

Are you nuts?

Come on. Get her outta here!

So...

what about you, Helen?

We haven't heard from you in a while.

Is there anything...

you'd like to... talk about... with the group?

Yes.

I would like to talk about...

Madeline...

Ashton.

Stop! Stop it! Stop!

No! No!

Is this where we are, Helen?

Six months of therapy. You're not one pound lighter.

And we are still talking about Madeline Ashton!

- You think I enjoy talking about her? - Do you think I enjoy it?

Is that what you think? You better think again!

Oh, Helen, for you to have a life,

for any of us to have a life,

you have got to forget about her.

You have to erase her from your mend.

- You have to completely eliminate any... - What?

You have to completely eliminate...

You're right.

What?

You're absolutely right.

Yes?

I have a delivery for Madeline Ashton and Dr. Ernest Menville.

Good morning, madam.

You look absolutely marvelous.

Hey, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something?

- It's only Thursday. I'm supposed to... - Never mend.

I think I need you to say it every morning.

Very well.

Oh, madam, you look younger every day.

Thank you, Rose. Thank you very much.

It's so sweet... What is this?

Your tickets for Helen Sharp's book party.

They just came.

Helen Sharp's book party!

- "Forever Young"? - I like that title.

Oh, forever young! Right.

And eternally fat!

Oh, clever little witch. She sent seating assignments.

I find it very hard to believe...

that he got up early and made his side of the bed.

- No, madam. - So where did he sleep?

Again?

The beaver has always been of interest to man.

It is the second largest rodent in the world.

Dr. Menville?

Is this an angel I see before me?

- Dr. Menville, you're so cute. - Thank you, Rose.

Oh!

More vodka.

An outstanding characteristic of a beaver...

is the large, flat tail.

- Is it up yet? - Yes, ser.

It's in the bath.

Your beeper was beeping. It's Mr. Franklin again.

Rose! Oh, it's you.

Fine, dear, thank you. Like a rock.

You're dressed. Special occasion?

- Work. - Ghoul!

Dr. Menville, thank God.

- I'm sorry to call at the last minute. - Yes.

He's completely prepped. Our top staff have been summoned and are waiting.

Good, I'm sure he'll be fine. Just calm down.

Calm? I am calm. Everyone is calm here.

- Who is it? - Fernando Rivas, the actor.

He drowned in his hot tub. Very bloated, very swollen.

He was making love to his new fiancee.

Eighteen years old, from Cuba.

He's got this expression of happiness that is completely inappropriate.

Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we'll see if we can't give him a little character,

a little depth.

Depth? Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can't give him any character or depth.

People have to recognize him.

- Good afternoon, Mess Ashton. - 3:00 with Anna.

Yes, I know. You may go down.

Mess Ashton, how are you? So good to see you!

Listen, I've got a really important party tonight.

Really important. You understand?

You well be the best one!

I have to be better than that.

I am sorry, but the plasma separation...

is a very traumatic process to the body!

Our policy clearly prohibits...

more than one in a six-month period.

So? It's been nearly that long already.

Mess Ashton, you had one three weeks ago.

- How about a nice collagen buff? - "A collagen buff"?

You might as well ask me to wash with soap and water!

Tonight is very important to me.

- I could do your makeup myself. - Makeup is pointless!

It does nothing anymore.

Are you listening to me? Do you even care?

You stand there with your 22-year-old skin and your tits like rocks...

and laugh at me.

Mmm.