Beats

- Are you there, Spanner? - Aye, mate. Aye.

Do you like it? Do you fucking like it?

It's bouncing, man.

I spent about two days waiting for that one to come on the radio

- so I could tape it for you. - Fucking hell!

Spanner, is that the actual crowd, like?

'Aye, mate, aye!'

You have to turn it up, mate! Turn it up!

Christ! Can you...

...stop being such a wee weirdo and get dressed? We're late.

Can you not fucking knock, no?

Oi. This is my house. And Robert's.

Who you speaking to?

Nobody.

Fuck that, man.

Fido! Fuck!

Fido, what the fuck you doing, man? Fido! Fido!

I want you to promise to make more of an effort today, son, you hear me?

You just need to try.

Look at the state of you. Come on.

Fido, what the fuck you're doing, man?

Fido, seriously, fuck off!

You fucking fascist!

Sorry.

Fido. Fuck off.

Mate, please... Fuck.

Fido! Mate, open the door.

Aye, it's very fucking funny. Open the door!

Open the door, man!

Fido!

Fido!

Fido!

Fido!

Fido!

Fido!

Fido, what...

Come back when it's dark.

I've got business to see to.

Gi's a couple of quid and all then?

Fucking asshole.

Fuck's sake.

Right, team. Good to go?

Yeah. Get him in.

Christ, you look shattered. You alright?

Aye, just night shifts. Not used to it.

Okay, gang. Let's get cracking.

Whoa! Johnno! Johnno!

Jesus. What's he after?

Holy shit.

Spanner, where did you get that mad lump?

Check it! Vroom, Vroom!

- Johnno, get in the car. - Where you off to, like?

Look, mate, I'll see you after, alright?

Johnno, get in!

When are you back?

Aye.

Still sure?

It seems a big step up.

Come on. Let's do the deed.

Come on, Johnno.

'This was the culminating protest against the Criminal Justice Bill...'

'We must build a nation with pride in itself, a thriving community...'

'...three times they've withstood thrashing around and shook the very posts.'

'...the biggest choice of new homes ever seen in Britain.

'The Barratt Premier Collection

'offers superb styling, special features, and many extras at no extra cost...'

'The worst violence was in Park Lane.

'When the light faded, more police were brought in...'

Deary me. What's all this?

What's wrong with this here?

I don't know, Colin. You've got me.

A customer in Liverpool

should have the same experience as a customer in Birmingham,

as a customer in West Lothian.

Recognisable. Repeatable.

Show me you can do it right.

Good.

Now straighten up the rest of this aisle before you go.

Just 'cause I ken Robert doesn't mean you can arse about and take the piss.

You just need to tell Colin.

Say it to his face. Be honest.

Say what exactly?

Just tell him.

"Colin, you're a massive bell-end, and I don't respect your authority."

- I could never do that. - Oh?

He's the boss.

Try it.

- What? - Say it.

"Colin, you're a massive bell-end, and I don't respect your authority."

Yes. Feels good, eh?

Aye, but I could never do that.

How?

I'd probably just fuck it up.

Get nervous, say the wrong thing.

"Colin, you're an authoritarian, and I don't respect your massive bell-end!"

Then I'd just pass out or something.

Don't worry about it, wee man.

You're not gonna have to work there forever, mate.

I've got it covered.

This summer's gonna go off.

Me and you, right?

You sure we're cool here, aye?

Don't fear, wee man.

- Right. Right. - Aye. Right.

Sorry.

'The Criminal Justice and Public Order Bill.

'You heard about this?

'It's gonna make it illegal to have "gatherings around music..."

'And this is a quote:

'"...wholly or predominantly characterised

'"by the emission of a succession of repetitive beats."

'And so, to any pigs and suits listening in,

'know this: There are more of us than you think there are.

'Just you try and stop us all.'

Wendy?

- Yes! - Spanner!

- Hello, wee man! - Alright, cuz!

Here, lass, it's my wee cousin Spanner.

Give us a kiss. You alright?

Wendy, this is my pal Johnno.

Not seen you for ages, wee man. How you doing? You alright?

Aye, fine. Cheers.

- 'Yes, yes! - Shut up.

'To all you new listeners.

'You wayward travellers. You lost souls. You lonely wanderers.

'If you've come here looking for answers, you've come to the right place.

'This is your man, the D-Man, here to serve the people's needs.

'Revolt is the command on the paper in your hand.

'And so it was written, so let it be done.

'Rave to the Grave,

'the biggest fucking night of your life, Scotland.

'Revolt!

'Date to be announced here,

'nowhere else but here, very fucking soon.

'Here's "A Homeboy, A Hippie & A Funki Dredd."'

Yes! Come on!

Fuck's he on about? Are youse going out?

- Is it a party? - Not for you, wee man.

Aye, come back to us when your balls have dropped.

Ha-ha. Come on, tell me.

What, this?

- Yeah. Yeah. - This?

Come on, give it to me.

Yo, Wendy, what's happening tonight then, cuz?

Nothing, wee man. Just going to mine, get a Chinese, watch telly.

Can we come with youse?

What is your problem, you wee creep?

What happened to your face?

Jesus, Johnno, man...

Sorry, I...

5-0!

Scott Smith!

What are you doing here?

- Picnic. What you up to, like? - Don't get lippy, son.

You got a receipt for that?

PC McDonald,

I want each and every one of their names, all their details, no exceptions.

- Search them all thoroughly, too. - Alright, Rob?

Johnno. You shouldn't be hanging about here, son.

Dunlop, you know this boy?

Aye, he's my, erm...

He's the missus' lad.

- Can I have a minute please, Sergeant? - Of course.

Come on, you. Cigarette down, bottle down, empty the pockets out.

Fucking hell, Johnno pal, what you playing at?

What?

You're not allowed to be hanging around here.

You have any idea what it looks like

for my boss to see you fraternising with neds like that?

You don't know him. He's alright.

He's Fido Smith's wee brother, for Christ's sakes!

- Aye, but he's not a criminal or that. - Look at him!

Look at his hairdo.

I mean, that's a crime against...

his head.

Help me out here, Johnno.

Look at me. Look at me, pal.

Yes, Robert.

Hey. It's "officer" to you. Right?

- Dunlop, car. - Sarge.

Boys, beat it.

McDonald, we're gonna take this call and leave this with you.

Right, lads. You heard him.

Come on, out of here, now! Scatter!

Johnno, mind and get straight home.

See you later, ladies.

I need to get home, like.

'...long-term measures to break that culture

'of drugs, family instability, high unemployment, and urban squalor

'in which some of the worst criminals are brought up.

'Responsibility means a recognition that there is no divorce from the outside...'

Mmh. This is delicious.

'The unemployed youngster has no right to steal your radio.'

Hold on. I got something.

Oh... Goodness!

Cover your ears.

- Whoa! Hey. Glasses? - Oh, right, yes, fine.

- Get one for Johnno, too! - Okay.

Here we go.

One for you.