The Neighborhood

Okay, we're almost there.

Calvin, how you doing on your side?

I'm good.

‭Oh.

Whoa! What's that?

I have no idea.

It just got delivered from my Grandpa Ed.

Well, it's not complaining about my cooking,

so it can't be Grandma Jean.

All right, well, Calvin, help me open this thing up.

- All right. - (both grunt)

Oh, my God!

Hey, cool! It's Rudolph!

So, just to be clear,

this is not your grandmother?

I can't believe it.

He gave me his moose head.

Why would your grandfather send you that?

It looked so good in Michigan where I couldn't see it.

He must've remembered how much I love this thing. You know,

I was actually with him

when he brought this magnificent beast down.

I didn't know you used to hunt.

Oh, I didn't. We were driving to mini golf,

and he hit it on Route 43.

I know how you feel, buddy.

I never saw Dave coming, either.

: What's up, Dave?

You taking your moose for a walk?

Yeah, you know, I was gonna put it up,

but Gemma and I talked it over

and agreed it should go in the garage.

Oh. Well, I guess we know

who wears the antlers in your house.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you got run over worse than that moose did.

Okay. Come on. I did not get run over.

You know, Gemma and I are equal partners.

We make all of our decisions together.

Let me tell you something about marriage, Dave.

Someone always makes the decisions.

And if you don't know who that is, it ain't you.

Come on. That is just another one

of your old-fashioned relationship theories,

like how the husband can't be the little spoon.

Trust me, Dave.

Gemma's manipulating you.

You watch.

The next time you make a decision, you'll see.

She's calling all the shots.

That's where you're wrong.

Being the little spoon was my idea.

All I'm saying, if this were my moose head,

it would be up on my wall right now

no matter who didn't like it.

Well, in that case, do you want it?

No, thank you.

If I wanted some big, goofy face in my living room,

I'll invite you over.

- Oh, hey, babe. - ‭Hey.

Junk.

Junk.

"Save the children."

Junk.

Oh.

- (chuckles): Oh. - ‭What?

Tina, our accountant finished our taxes.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, are we getting a refund?

Hold-hold on now,

'cause this could go either way.

You're right. You're right. Come on, come on.

Lord...

everything we have is because of you.

So please don't make us share any of it with the government.

- Amen. - (stammering)

A-A-And, Lord,

you know I was just playing

about not saving the kids, right?

- Amen. - Amen.

Okay. ‭All right.

Ooh, baby, open it.

- Okay. - Oh...

Oh...

we gettin' a refund!

Ha ha!

Check it out, babe.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at that.

And it's even got a comma in it.

You know what that means, right?

You bet I do.

Money dance! Money dance! Money dance!

Money dance! Money dance!

Ah, oh! Get it, baby, get it. Get it, get it, get it, get it.

Get it, baby, get it. Get it, get it, get it, get it.

Get it. Hey! (laughs)

You know, stuff like this is the reason

I never have my friends come over.

Don't hate, Malcolm.

Your mom and I just found out we getting a fat tax refund.

Yeah, that's great, Pop.

Maybe you can use some of that money

for the therapy I'm gonna need after seeing this.

Calvin, this is way more than last year.

What are we gonna spend it on?

It is a lot, babe.

You know, maybe we can get that thing that we talked about.

- Mm, you're right. - Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

Oh, what y'all gonna get?

- A massage chair. - A trip to Italy.

Calvin, I've wanted to go to Italy for years; you know that.

Babe, a trip to Italy will be over in a week.

I can eat spaghetti in my massage chair forever.

I'm not getting a massage chair.

And I'm not going to Italy.

I don't know why tax season gets such a bad rap.

This is fun.

Oh, hey, honey. How was work?

Rough.

I had to fire our Latin teacher.

Really? Why?

Turns out she doesn't speak Latin.

For the last six months she's just been making up words.

I'm exhausted. What do you say we order dinner in?

Oh, yeah. What should we get?

I don't care. You pick.

You know, Italian sounds good to me.

Mm, perfect.

Although, Chinese sounds good, too.

Okay, then let's do Chinese.

Good choice, sweetie.

Whatever makes you happy.

So, you want to watch something tonight

after Grover goes to bed?

Oh, yeah, there's this new documentary

that I really want to check out.

Great.

Unless you're more in the mood for a romantic comedy.

Sure.

Yay. Let's do that, then.

Uh...

You know, summer's coming up, and, uh,

we should really decide what camp to send Grover to.

Good thinking. Is there one that you're leaning towards?

I don't know, is...

is there one you're leaning towards?

Honestly, I haven't had time to give it much thought.

Well, I was thinking soccer camp.

Then soccer camp it is.

Really?

Yeah. Totally.

All right.

Although maybe art camp would be fun.

Terrific.

Good choice, sweetie.

I love it when you take control.

What's up, Pop? What's that?

It's a gift basket for your mother.

It's my way of telling her we're going to Italy.

All right, check you out, Pop, being a good husband,

taking your wife on her trip.

- Oh, I'm a great husband. - Yeah.

But we ain't going nowhere.

I'm getting my massage chair.

Wait, say what?

It's simple.

See, when she sees that I put what she wants

above what I want,

she'll feel way too guilty to accept the trip,

and tell me to get my massage chair.

It's like they say: guilty wife, happy life.

Hey, who's that for?

Aha. This is for you.

It's my way of telling you that we are going to Italy.

The real one.

Not the little one downtown.

Oh, my God, are... are you serious?

Am I really going to Italy?

Would I lie to you?

You and I are going to roam around Rome

and get it on in Milan.

Well, baby, what about your massage chair?

Eh, you know, the more I thought about it,

I just didn't feel right putting what I want over what you want.

No...

I'm just not that guy.

Malcolm, can you believe this man?!

No.

Both of you need to stop. Okay?

Especially you, Malcolm.

Baby, you know what, this is so sweet of you, but...

I can't accept these.

What?

Why ever would you say such a thing?

Because if we went to Italy,

the whole time, I'd feel guilty

because you gave up what you wanted for me.

Do you think you can return the tickets?

I don't know, babe, uh... Oh, yeah.

Look at there. Looks like I did get the refundable ones, so...