South Park

South Park 907 512x384 Xvid 140MB

Erection Day

N'kay, kids, as your counselor,

I know it can sometimes be difficult to talk about subjects like drugs and sex and alcohol, m'kay?

So, as you remember, last week I told you to write down any

difficult questions you had

and put them in this box anonymously so we could discuss in class, m'kay?

I got a lot o' responses, so let's read some aloud.

"Mr. Mackey is gay."

Okay kids, that is not funny! Unkay?!

This box is supposed to be used for serious questions!

About, about serious issues! M'kay, let's let's stop the tomfoolery!

M'kay, this looks like a real one here.

"Dear Mr. Mackey,

you are gay."

All right, all right. That's enough, kids.

Let's quiet down and try to be mature, 'kay?

Uh here we go. Okay,

"Mr. Mackey, sometimes my parents hit me,

and you are gay."

Damnit, is there not one serious question in here?!

"Mr. Mackey is gay, Mr. Mackey is gay"

Okay, here.

I am a boy at South Park Elementary.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class, my penis becomes hard for no reason.

What should I do?

All right kids, all right kids, that's enough!

If you all can't be serious about the question box,

then we'll just do drug identification exercises, unkay?!

M'kay, uhh, Jimmy, why don't you come up here and write down the names of two narcotics?

Uh no, that that's okay, Mr. Mackey.

Jimmy, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you!

Uhhh, just uh uh ahh not right this second, Mr. Mackey.

Well why the hell not?!

He's what...

Oh, you do?

R r right now, right now it is?

on'kay, on'kay. Don't worry, Jimmy.

N'kay, uhhh, let's pick someone else.

Eric, why don't you come up here?

Hey, that's bullcrap?! How come Jimmy doesn't have to do it?!

Well, because uh, Jimmy is pitching a tent right now.

He's what??

TALENT SHOW THIS FRIDAY Garand prize 100$

A hundred dollar gift certificate to South Park Mall?

Maybe we should do the talent show.

Well, what's the point? Jimmy always wins with his stand-up comedy.

Hey fellas.

Dude, didja see, Jimmy? They're giving away a hundred dollar first prize for the talent show.

Oh I sure have. I've been working on my ruh... ruh,,, routine all year long

I don't know how you do it, dude.

How do you get up in front of that many people?

Well fellas, entertainment is my life.

I love being in front of everyone.

What's the matter?

I gotta guh, I gotta go! See ya fellas.

Excuse me!

It's occupied.

No room at the inn, Virgin Mary.

Hehey Jimmy!

M'boy, did you see that first prize for the talent show?

Why you must be excited! You'll probably win like always.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm real excited.

REAL escited... for some reason...

Oh, Jesus! What's wrong with me?

Hey, who's droppin' bombs in there?! How about a courtesy flush?!

Up yours, Butters.

Hey Jimmy, how was school?

Fine, Mom.

Jimmy, we understand you're getting erections in the classroom.

What? Uh who told you that?

Mr. Mackey, your counselor.

Aw J-j-j-j...j-Jesus!

Now, Jimmy, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

But we know it's something you might have a hard time talking about.

Get it? A hard time.

So, we took your counselor'sadvice 'nd called Doctor Pal to help us all talk about this.

Dz-n-Doctor Pal?

Hey Jimmy, I'm Doctor Pal.

That's because I'm a doctor, but I'm also your pal. Are we cool?

Uh, sure?

A lot of times parents call me in because I can relate to younger kids.

I'm I'm down, I'm dope, you dig?

Now, I understand you have some concerns about erections.

Oops, can't say erection in front of the parents right.

Oh God, I feel so weird" huh?

Well, a little, yes.

Jimmy, there's nothing weird about random erections.

Almost every boy goes through a phase where his penisbecomes hard... for no particular reason.

It's just part of grwoing up.

Growing up? Growing out is more like it.

But I have to make it stop! The talent show is this F-Friday.

Tell you what, Mom and Dad, why don't you skidaddle for a tick and let us hipsters talk in privo.

A-all right, come on, honey.

Jimmy, as you get older your body goes through a lot of changes.

Certain hormones start to release as your whole reproductive system begins to awaken,

and so, if you like, we can take off our shirts and kiss.

Ke...c-come again?

Oh, hey, nothin', you see?

See, that set you off on a different tangent, got you thinkin' a different way. That's what Doctor Pal is here to do.

Unless, of course, you think we should take off our shirts and kiss.

N-no, I do NOT want to take off my shirt and kiss.

Well then to hell with you, kid. You can just deal with your problems on your own.

Next up for the talent show:

put your hands together for the incredibly talented Jimmy Valmer!

Wow, what a what a great audience.

So apparently Martha Stewart is out of jail.

Have you have you heard about this, have you seen this?

She's very excited to get started on her new show,

"Martha Stewart Living, with an electronic ankle bracelet."

So it looks like the Vatican has finally chosen a new Pope.

Have you seen this, have you heard about this?

A-a-apparently they're going to call him New Pope,

a-and refer to John Paul as P-Pope Classic.

Uh,.. so it so it looks like Michael Jackson is having back problem in court.

You know... huh... you uh you know what they say about b-b-b-b-back problems.

Uh, uh gee, what a terrific audience.

What a fantastic audience.

Don't worry, Jimmy. We're not laughing with you,

we're laughing AT you.

Lu Lu Lu, I've got some apples,

Lu Lu Lu, you've got some too.

Lu Lu Lu, let's get together,

- I know what we can do, Lu Lu. - Butters!

Oh! Oh hey, Jimmy.

I'm just practicin' for the talent show.

Butters, ah I really need to talk to somebody,

and I think maybe you're the only person who won't make f-f-fun of me.

Oh Gosh, I'd never make fun of somebody with a problem.

Butters, do you know what you're supposed to do when your penis gets hard?

Well sure I do.

Really??

Yes, now sit down, Jimmy, we should have a little talk.

You see, Jimmy, when a man's penis becomes hard, the man puts it into a lady. Into her "vagiiina."

Then, the hard penis sneezes milk inside the lady's tummy,

and after it's all done sneezin' milk. The penis stops bein' hard,

and the man loses interest in the lady.

So, when your penis becomes hard, you're supposed to put in in a lady's vagina.

And then it stops being hard?

That's right, Jimmy.

But where am I going to find a lady to stick my penis in?

The talent show is this Friday.

Talk to you, Bertha.

Okay, see you later, Jessie.

Hey Bertha.

Oh, hey Jimmy. What's goin' on?

Well Bertha, I was wondering if I could stick my penis in your vagina?

What?? No way!

But the talent show is tomorrow!

Jerk!

Jimmy, Jimmy, what the hell are you doing, man?

I'm trying to get laid. What's it look like?

Dude, you don't just go up to a girl and ask her if you can stick your penis in her vagina.

Ye-you have to ask her on a date, take her out for some Italian food.

Wow, seems like you know a lot about this stuff, Eric.

Have you gotten laid before?

Sure, lots of times.

I've been laid, like, five thousand times.

Well, wha-what do I do?

I told you: a date and then Italian food.

And then you gotta make her thnk you're a good listener.

Eric, I can't tell you why, but it's very important that I score to-night!

Can you come on the date and help me? You're like a white... Hitch.

Why sure, they do this all the time in movies and TV shows.

You go on the date and wear an earpiece,

and I'll be nearby, secretly telling you all the right things to say.

Wow! Thanks, Eric.

Shawna honey, I think your little date is here.

Okay, Mom.

Hey Shawna.

Hi Jimmy.

Okay Jimmy. First off, tell her how good she looks.

Wow, Shawna, you look fantastic.

Thanks, Jimmy. Where are we going?

We're going to an authentic Italian restaurant, Buca de Fagghecini.

Welcome to Buca de Fagghecini for the authentico experience Italiano.

My name is Roma.

Can I start you out with some lotsa pasta macaroni minis?

Uh, I think we're gonna try your authentic pizzareli casserona poppers.

Right away.

You know that girl Sally Rauman at our school?

I can't stand her.

Jimmy! Jimmy!

Jimmy, even though what she's saying now isn't interesting at all, you say:

"Wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more."

Wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more.

Really?

Well, Kelligan bought the same purse and I was like, "No WAY do I want it now!"

because who wants a purse that both their best friends have, right? And so-

All right, when she stops yappin' again,

say: "Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right."

-I guess that's why I figured, "Who needs friends like that?"

Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right.

It's like I told Debbie:

"If you're gonna go out with my friends-"

All right Jimmy, when she finally shuts her trap again,

I want you to repeat whatever she said,