Fresh Off the Boat

Magic Kingdom, Epcot,

the Monorail... where to start?

I can't wait to feel Gaston's biceps.

I can't believe we've lived in Orlando for six years

and never been to Disney.

Well, they should've allowed Orlando residents

a discount before today.

This is the best day ever.

I'm gonna ride Space Mountain till I puke.

Eddie, hit us with some tunage

to commemorate the happiest moment of our lives.

On it.

"Hakuna Matata!"

What a wonderful phrase.

Hakuna Matata!

Nooooooo!

It's our fault.

We were too happy.

That tow truck driver did not like you.

We could've had a nice, silent drive back,

but no, you had to ask that guy how he got into towing.

I wanted to butter him up

before asking if he ever towed a celebrity.

Oh, remind me, who did he tow?

Kathy Griffin.

Hey. Good news...

I finally found the wrench I needed to fix your van.

Oh, great!

See, Louis, I told you it's not a big deal.

Ah, I should've told you the bad news first.

The wrench didn't do so much.

You need to take her to a mechanic.

This job is beyond my capability.

It took you six hours

to determine it's beyond your capability?

You had mice in your air filter.

I saw a live birth.

20 babies.

Fine, we'll have it towed to the mechanic tomorrow.

Eddie can use the Cattlecar to drive the boys around.

Man, I can't believe the van is so out of shape.

Maybe if you didn't constantly ride her brakes

and just let the old gal dance...

Me?! You're the one who comes to a complete stop

at every intersection.

Why don't you just roll through like a normal person?

That's why I love the ocean. No stop signs.

You try to put one up, it sinks right to the bottom.

Can't you just put it on a buoy?

Oh, you have a three-mile-long anchor

to keep that buoy in place, wise-ass?

We have to clean out the van before the tow truck arrives.

They steal.

Oh, look, a receipt

from that time we got Sheila washed professionally.

Oh, I saved that in case I wanted to return the car wash.

Remember? It was right after you tased me.

Richard Ramirez, Night Stalker!

What a memory.

Mm. It's trash.

That's fine. I have another keepsake.

The taser threw off my heartbeat.

It skips a thump-thump every now and then.

Keep cleaning.

Whoa. A fry.

- It's hard as a rock. - Dibs.

Oh! My old earpiece! Wow.

I lost this on the trip down here from D.C.

Six years later, and we're still

a bunch of dorks singing in a van.

Check it out. My old swim trunks!

Oh, from when we tried to take the van for a joyride.

Wait!

We need our bathing suits for Wet 'n Wild!

My swimmies!

We did not make it far.

What's this map?

Let me see that bad boy.

I drew this map after we buried that time capsule in D.C.

I wonder if it's still there.

A map? Possible treasure?

It's like "The Goonies", but with three Asian boys!

- Three inoffensive Asian boys. - Hmm.

I can't even remember what we put in that time capsule.

Hmm. I was 10.

But if I know young Eddie,

that little scamp probably put a bag of farts in there.

How you got a 1500 on your SATs, I'll never know.

Yeah. To be honest, I never thought you'd get into college.

Yeah, we just assumed you'd live at home forever.

Me too.

Turns out my brain had other plans.

It's gonna be weird when it's not the three of us anymore.

Yeah. It just won't be the same.

Poor Sheila.

We bought this van on our wedding night.

I taught Eddie how to drive in it.

I remember things, too, Louis.

It's just we've been through so much with this van.

So many memories.

Yes. Here's a new memory...

I'm taking this car down to Kareem's. You stay here.

They always talk you

into buying unnecessary upgrades and nonsensical trinkets.

I'm sure I have no idea what you mean.

Oh.

So I always know

where to put my hands on the steering wheel.

Ah.

Is that suit really necessary?

Hey, I respect our piano teacher.

The first song he taught us was "Chopsticks".

Does that not bother you? Because it bothers me.

Well, I'm glad you guys

have mixed feelings on this piano teacher

because... you're not going.

But we're finally gonna find out

what that middle pedal does today!

Well, this pedal hits the gas,

and we're riding it all the way to D.C.

- What?! - What?!

We're finally doing that Huang boys road trip.

And this time, there's no stopping us.

Oh, we're way below E.

Did you guys bring your wallet?

Because typically, the driver doesn't pay for gas,

so...

This close call with Sheila's really got me thinking

how much I take her for granted.

As soon as we get her back, I'm gonna change her oil every day.

You know who burns a lot of oil?

Dale Earnhardt.

What a racist.

You mean, "racer"?

Ma, you gotta go back to using Mandarin.

You're gonna get in trouble.

Hey! How's the van doing?

Great. I sold it.

You sold Sheila?!

It needed too much work

and the mechanic at Kareem's offered to buy it.

It was the pragmatic solution.

I can't believe you made such a big decision

without consulting me!

Says the guy who purchased multiple vehicles without me...

the Accord, the riding lawn mower, the 40-foot RV...

It was 35, but point taken.

And this is different.

She was practically a member of our family.

There are days I wish she lived in the garage

instead of Grandma.

Every day I wish that.

But Louis, this is just a hunk of metal.

Get over it.

Robo-Cop was just a hunk of metal, and he saved a town!

I assume. Never saw it.

Okay, the Cattlecar's got a full tank,

and I got the next three meals taken care of...

bag o' hot dogs.

- I'm vegan. I don't eat hot dogs. - Me neither.

After I read "mechanically separated" on the label.

It doesn't matter.

- We're not going on a road trip to D.C. - Yes, you are!

You guys need to learn to live a little.

I'm gonna be gone soon. There's gonna be nobody around

to teach you guys how to have fun.

Fun? You're about to drive us 1,200 miles

with no plan, no luggage,

and a bagful of gas station hot dogs.

And I don't even have my night guard.

Guys, we'll figure that out as we go. That's the fun of it!

Oh yeah, gonna be a real bounce house

when Mom figures out we've been missing for two days.

I've already got that covered.

I told Mom we're having a sleepover at Walter's.

As long as we're back tomorrow by 8:00 p.m., we're good.

Okay, what're you hiding?

Most Eddie adventures are all about Eddie.

Hence the name.

Ed-ventures.

Never mind. I'll trademark that later.

You guys are right. I do want something...

I wanna find out what's inside that time capsule.

Don't you?

- I'm a little intrigued. - Yeah.

Baseball cards, stamps, comic books.

You guys were into a ton of nerd crap.

Hell of a sales pitch, Eddie.

Sorry, nerd... stuff.

Point is, real people are into that junk now.

That's true.

There could be something in there worth money.

Yes! And depending on how deep we buried it,

we could hit oil.

Okay, we're in.

You packed shovels, right?

Sure.

- Ho, boss. - Whoa.

What's with the heavy cattle hands here?

- Things okay at home? - It's Jessica.