Scrubs

Hey, man.

I'm gonna hit the gym and sneak in a quick workout. Wanna come?

Sweating it out in a steam room isn't exercising, buddy.

No, it's sit-cercising. Newbie, gandhi, come here.

great. Dr. Cox and his golden boy med student.

I wanted you to witness this.

Number one, say good-bye to the number one sign...

Aw, that's too bad.

Whoo-hoo! Arriba!

And say hello to the number one shirt.

What?! It's beautiful, honestly.

The nicest shirt I've ever received

From a grown, married man. Oh, go on.

Please leave me alone. Put it on.

Hey, wow. That's--that's some crazy ink you got there.

What the hell is that thing, anyway? I don't know. I woke up after a 3-day bender

Driving a forklift and sporting this.

"my name's drew. I'm so cool

'cause I've been in prison and I got a tattoo."

mock him, and I'll eat your soul!

Tattoo spooked you a little, huh?

His breath was so cold.

So cold.

flapjacks!

oh, thank god.

I thought I was late for dr. Cox's class.

That would be the biggest mistake I could make.

Damn, girl. That was a workout.

Okay, second biggest.

You know, normally, I like to sleep in,

But part of me is... an early riser.

Wow. This should not have happened... Again.

Not that it wasn't nice.

You have small but surprisingly powerful hands

And almost no beard.

It's like you were created in a lab for a woman's pleasure.

The thing about cole is that-- No, no.

No third person.

Let's begin with some "q" and "a."

You, seat filler,

Tell me the thickest layers in the walls of veins. Uh...

Thank you for getting us off to that rousing start.

Who's next? Ah.

Pinup girl avoiding eye contact?

Ugly don cheadle?

What about you, legacy? Got anything?

Well, uh, you see...

No, curiously, I don't see.

when dr. Cox gets like this,

It feels a lot like second grade gym class.

all right, you hairless babies.

Show some sack and pick up a ball.

Who wants it? You? Huh?

You? You! You're out! watch out!Watch out?

You! Not in the face!

Sure, in the face! Take it!

Anybody else?

Oh, thank you, muffin.

No!

The thickest layers of the walls of the veins

Are the tunica externa. Correct. Everyone else,

Stare into my eyes so I can clock the very instant

When you first realized that you're not going to make it.

Here we go.

Thank you. That was lovely.

Hey, congrats, bro.

You really brought it today.

Oh, but who's that nippin' at your heels?

uh-oh. It's c-dog. I'm sorry. I don't speak hipster gibberish.

Oh, I'm talking about this epic battle you and I are locked in

For the number one spot. Okay, I'm assuming you like to be called "dude."

Love it. Dude, I don't like the spotlight.

I don't like the extra attention.

I tried med school before, and I crashed and burned, okay?

Oh, playing it humble. Nice angle. But careful walking on the tracks

'cause there's a coal train a-comin'.

choo-choo!

I'm always psyched

When dr. D. Asks me to swing by for office hours.

So tell me, how's school going?

Well, my hair is falling out in clumps,

But that's not necessarily stress. Um, I am get older.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about, lucy.

You need to be prepared for when I leave.

damn it! Why bring her to the learning tree

If you're not gonna use it in your inspiring talk?

My--my point is, while I'm here, I'm yours,

But you also need to... Branch out. nailed it!

I don't know if I can get through med school alone.

Don't worry. Before I, uh, leaf...you're on fire.

I'll make sure that you have a mentor

You're as close to as I am to mine. Speak of the devil!

Hey, perry, you wanna hang out later? Sure. And if we can't find any more climbing trees,

We'll just head down to the old swimmin' hole and skip stones

Until the fireflies tell us it's suppertime. I assume that's a dis of some sort.

Ahh!

Oh, snap! That hurt to watch.

Can't wait to see that on the surveillance tape.

That's right. We have cameras everywhere.

We're watching you.

Drive. Copy that.

I need a new mentor--

Someone strong and not afraid to express emotions.

Maybe a woman.

Give me my chips, you dirty bitch! Or her.

Help me shake this machine. Dr. Mahoney,

I was wondering if it would be possible for me to, uh,

Shadow you in the hospital.

This is not over, you filthy whore!

Shadow me? Sure. No, wait.

I forgot you totally annoy me. Is there any way you could

Instantly change your entire personality? I guess I could try.

Even the way you said that was irritating.

Look, I'm not the mentoring type, okay?

Go ask turk. I did, but he said, and I'm quoting now,

"I already have dr. Bradley all up in my business."

Dr. Turk, thanks so much for taking me under your wing.

It's such a privilege, I feel like I should be paying you,

So...No, I don't want your money.

Okay,tearing it up, sir. No, don't--don't tear up your money.

My bad, sir. Taping it up. Tom, you're ten years older than me

And you have a wife and kid. Please, have some dignity.

Too late, sir.

I wish dr. Cox had some time for me,

But I get it. He's a busy man--

A very busy... Man?

Cheers.

"sy-hwa"?

it says, "why?"!

Cox and I were drinking beer and watching sports--

Two things you hate. First of all, turk, I've learned to pretend I enjoy beer.

And secondly, I love sports.

The opening ceremonies for the winter olympics

Is not a sport,and you cried during it. Oh, you want to talk about crying?

Let's talk about the end of "rudy." hold on!

He got on the field at the end of the movie with his dad in--

You know what? No. No, we're not going there. Excuse me, dr. Dorian.

Sorry I missed your class. Can I get the notes? No. Actually, drew, you can't.

And I'm gonna e-mail the whole class and ask them

Not to share their notes with you.

Then tomorrow,we'll have a quiz on it. That seems excessive, but okay.

What was the lecture on?

I don't remember, drew. It was 20 minutes ago.

What are you doing? I know, I know.

It's just that cox is draping himself over that kid

Like a cheap hussy, and then I have to find you and perry

Canoodling in that sports-themed tavern pretending you like beer.

Well, we're not pretending. We actually like beer.

Oh, stop it, turk. It's me.

I just feel like I'm being replaced.

That'll never happen.Do you wanna know why? Tell me this instant.

Because you're john damn dorian.

You're right. I am john damn dorian.

You john-damn right, you are! Now gimme a chest bump.

Yeah, but don't flex 'cause it'll knock the wind out of me.

see? Can't breathe.

I'm sorry, white bread. I'm not currently looking for

A protégé/suck-up. dr. Mahoney,

I am not sucking up. If I were sucking up,

I would tell you how much I like your shoes.

Which I do, by the way. They're mannish, yet flirty,

Like, "hey, boys. Come watch me build a deck."

Look, I just really, really want to shadow you. Please? Gurney.

What? oh!

Uh, I think I'm on your tube.

that's how I eat. Sorry!

Uh, dr. Mahoney, if you do let me shadow you--

For the last time, no.

How you feeling today? Well, I have my up days and down days.

Some weeks I have more up days than down days.

Like last week, I had four up days, one down day.

I was like, "whoo-hoo! Let's have a party!"

But today I think I could really use a hug. Lucy!

I changed my mind.

You can start shadowing me by hugging mrs. Maroney.

Okay, dr. Mahoney. Wait a second...

Maroney, mahoney-- that is so funny!

Yeah, not as I understand funny.

Take mrs. Maroney down for her m.R.I.

Oh, can you keep an eye on my son? Your what?

Excuse me.

Hey, watch a kid for me?

No, I'm afraid of kids. He's 12.

I got shot by a 12-year-old at a petting zoo.

Besides, I gotta change this shirt. The neck's choking me.

we get it, drew. You got a very muscular neck.

All right, team. This should be fairly straightforward.

Scalpel.

Drew's rubbing this t-shirt thing in my face.

J.D., what the hell? I'm in surgery. It's not even the right color for him.

He's clearly an autumn. You've lost it.

Dr. Turk is right.

You should be asleep. She should be asleep!

That's my fault, sir.

If anyone gets sued for this, it's gonna be me.

Look, you gotta remember, you're john damn dorian.

So think about it. What would john damn dorian do?

W.W.J.D.D.D.D.?

Was that too many d's? Why are you awake?!

this thing is so complicated.