Jessie

Bertram, we're out of milk and eggs and food.

Our refrigerator is emptier than Ravi's trophy case.

I can't go shopping in this weather.

It's sunny and 72 degrees.

Which means an 80 percent chance of having to smile at people.

No, thank you.

Woe is me. Next week, I must run the 50 yard dash.

Which is cruel, pointless,

and flies in the face of the universally accepted metric system!

Speaking of cruel and pointless, I have a science project due.

Hey, let's just cut school.

I mean... We're sick.

Guys, come on.

You can't run away from something because you don't wanna do it.

Says the girl who ran away from her own wedding.

I didn't run.

I couldn't with the high heels and the train.

Have you heard from Brooks since the non-wedding?

Not a word, but I'd be happy to hear from him.

Ahh! An email from Brooks!

Wowzers. Perhaps she can run the 50 yard dash for me.

I feel so bad for poor Brooks.

Being dumped is no picnic.

You should know. You've been at that picnic

many, many, many times.

Not this time.

Brooks' email was so sad. Look.

"Africa is great and I hope all's well with you."

Clearly, he's devastated.

- He is! Read between the lines! - It's only one line.

There's nothing to read between!

Obviously, I need to apologize to him again.

But sending an email is too impersonal.

I should talk to him.

Okay, Bertram, can you watch the kids while I'm gone?

As long as they're standing directly in front of the TV, no problem.

Have you guys seen Jessie? She's been gone for hours.

I already tried calling her. It went straight to voicemail.

Oh, I'm not calling her. I'm checking the webcam

I set up in her bedroom.

No, she's not in there.

There's just a sign that says:

"Luke, you're a pig. And you're groon-ded?"

That spells "grounded." Read a book.

I checked her calendar, and she has nothing going on today.

Or tomorrow, or ever.

This is even sadder than my calendar.

At least I have my upcoming Reptile Club soiree.

I'd call it a tie.

Look, this tab is open to Brooks' animal sanctuary in Africa.

Hey, Bertram, have you seen Jessie?

Well, I try not to see any of you.

But I did hear her babbling something about going to talk to Brooks.

How? He's in Africa.

Who knows? She just told me to look after you all.

So if you run with the scissors, try not to use my good ones.

Ha! Joke's on him.

I use those to clip my toenails.

There was enough toe jam to fill a jelly jar.

Okay, this is strange.

Jessie becomes unhinged after receiving Brooks' email.

Then, upon viewing his website, she decides she needs to talk to him?

So she leaves, and tells Bertram to take care of us.

Which means, Jessie has gone to Africa

because she's still in love with that loser Brooks!

But why would she do that?

She's got so much going on in New York!

Like her acting career, her dating life...

OMG, she's never coming back!

Bertram...

Bertram!

Ow! Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, that hurt!

What did you rip off me?

A note the kids left you and part of your unibrow.

"Dear Bertram. Jessie's gone to Africa to be with Brooks.

Going there to stop her."

Wait, why would they think I went to Africa?

- What did you tell them? - Just what you told me!

That you wanted to talk to Brooks.

On my phone! Which is the only place I have his number.

That's why I dropped it off to get fixed!

So they went to Africa for nothing?

That's hilarious!

Ow!

Now that's hilarious!

Also, now you don't need to go to the doctor to get that wart removed.

So, Zuri, how does it feel to be back in the land of your birth?

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Scratch that. Hunk at 12:00.

We came to get Jessie back. Focus!

Oh, Momma's focused.

Ross kids?

What are you all doing here?

Wait, are you a mirage?

Because I get heat stroke here like twice a week.

Okay, Brooks, where is Jessie?

How should I know? I stopped keeping tabs on her

when she said, "I don't," instead of, "I do."

She must not be here yet.

Well, she did fly commercial.

Why is Jessie coming here?

Because she's still in love with you!

What?

I know. Personally, I don't see it.

I mean, you have the bone structure,

but you don't have the freckles to back it up. So...

Brooks! The fence on the rhino enclosure broke!

You have to fix it before Rory the Rhino gets out again!

What if he tries to cuddle with another bus?

Yeah, we gotta get him a girlfriend.

Kids, this is Kami, our sanctuary's veterinarian.

Kami, this is Emma, Luke, Ravi, and Zuri, from America.

- Hi. - Hi.

Well. Nice to meet you, Kami.

Thanks for making that 18 hour plane ride worth it.

Watch it. I can neuter anything in five minutes.

So, I've got five minutes?

I'll go fix the fence.

Hey, kids, you want to take a tour?

On the way, we'll talk about this Jessie thing.

- Sure! - Great!

Where's the limo?

Back in New York. Here, we travel by jeep.

Oh, is that an African word for "limo"?

Have fun! I've got to get back to Jenna the Giraffe.

She's about to give birth.

Ooh! A baby! Can I hold it?

Well, you can try, but it'll be about six feet long,

slimy, and smell like the inside of a giraffe.

Stink doesn't bother me.

I just took an 18 hour flight sitting next to Luke.

All I can smell is my nose hairs burning.

So tell us, are you going to steal Jessie back or not?

Of course not! It's over between us.

It is? Well, that was easy.

Take us back to the jet. They have macadamia nuts!

Hey! I smell French fries. Can we stop at a drive-through?

Ooh, the only fast food around here

is whatever's running away from the cheetahs.

The smell is coming from the truck.

Ah, so the engine must run on bio-fuel.

Oh, that means you put organic matter into the engine

and it converts it into energy.

Ah, ah, ah. That sounds suspiciously like science,

and I'm on vacation.

Ravi, you know the rules.

On vacation, we only talk about sports and Mila Kunis.

That's right.

Zuri, wasn't that birth beautiful?

Why didn't you tell me to back up?

You said you wanted a closer look.

And I got it. I am never having children.

That was the circle of yuck!

Oh, Zuri, thank goodness you're okay!

And very slimy.

I just helped birth a giraffe.

Bertram, what's your excuse?

It's 110 degrees! Next time, run away to Antarctica!

Yeah, or here's an idea, don't run away at all!

Ooh, let's not be hasty.

It was an emergency! We thought you were leaving us for Brooks.

I am not getting back together with Brooks.

Bertram, you are never allowed to talk to the kids again.

Done and done.

Hi, I'm Kami. You must be Jessie.

Yeah. Oh, you recognize me?

I can't believe my toe fungus commercial made it all the way to Africa!

No, it's because of all the pictures of you Brooks put up.

Aw, to remember me by?

No, to throw darts at.

Fifty points for hitting a nostril.

I knew it.

- He's still heartbroken. - Uh, actually...

And who can blame him?

I mean, he was one "I do" away from all of this.

Poor sweet lug. He'll probably never recover.

If I don't get some fluids and an ostrich burger, I'll never recover.

Do you know where the rest of the kids are?

Or anyone who wants to hire a butler?

Oh, they're with Brooks out on the savannah.

I'll have someone take us there

and we can show you the beautiful African countryside.

Aw, thank you. That'd be great.

As long as we don't pass any pregnant animals.

Oh, and Jessie, no need for us to have "the talk" anymore.

I'm gonna be an old maid like you. Twinsies!

That's a real dart in the nostril.

These mosquitoes won't stop biting me!

Curse my perfect, sweet blood!

You should've used the bug spray.

No! It stinks.

Almost as much as our coming here for absolutely no reason.

Yeah, that was stupid.

- Mosquito? - No.

Luke, check it out! I've constructed a bug zapper from spare parts.

Boom! And that is the miracle of science, son!

Luke?

Luke!

Luke?

Oh, no! You have been taken away by the giant bearded vulture