City of Sin (Hotel Noir)

I know, I'm not what you expected.

Honestly, I'm not what I expected, either.

Or, what my mother expected.

You could say I'm unexpected all around.

I install shower doors, glass ones.

On the side, I paint pets.

Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets.

You're thinking, wait a minute,

shower doors, probably means he gets a lot of

lonely housewives comin' on to him.

Me being average-looking, but with a friendly manner,

and an optimistic outlook on life, and I could say, yes!

It happens sometimes.

Or at least once, with a good lookin' lady, that is.

Happened another time, but I'd rather not think about that.

Anyway, I was finishing the installation, when she walked in.

Contrary to popular belief...

Beg your pardon?

...kittens love taking showers.

Contrary to popular belief.

Yeah?

Do you mind if i try out the shower?

And make sure it doesn't have a leak?

Oh, the shower's not gonna leak.

Well, my work is guaranteed.

- Oh. - Oh.

Yes. Oh.

I hate awkward silences.

I know what you mean.

You, are a very difficult man to read, Eugene.

- Am I? - Because "oh" can mean several things,

it could be an encouraging, "ohhh."

Or it could be, "oh, I play for the opposite team."

- Is that what you think? - I hope not.

Oh, what about your husband?

I... I don't wanna talk about him.

Well, he's not gonna walk in now while you're taking a shower?

No, no, lately he comes home late, if he comes home at all.

It's a heavy workload at work, he says.

She was a little redundant, I noticed that right away,

but I don't mind that in a woman.

You know?

I know, times are tough.

Do you wanna keep talking about him,

or, do you wanna, watch me take a shower?

As you can probably imagine, I had 200 percent

of zero interest in talking about her husband,

I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of

kinky rouse, where he was gonna come bustin' in

with a baseball bat, and I end up gagging in some cellar!

I'd rather watch you take a shower.

Great!

I've never showered in front of someone else.

Well, I could turn around.

You're a real gentleman, aren't you?

Well...

I was raised by a single mom,

so she made sure i respected women.

It's, it's not easy for you guys with us callin' the shots,

or thinking we do, anyway, and you know,

all we do is mess things up.

All you guys want is a little attention,

somebody that holds your hand during dinner,

and listens, and you know,

says thank you, and tells you your hair looks nice.

I knew the holding hands bit was overkill,

least I didn't offer to give her a massage.

The damage was done.

She was drop-dead gorgeous, all that oxygen,

pumping in and out of her lungs.

I didn't ask for this, you know?

The first weekend we got together,

he took me on a trip to cabo, and I found out later

he had conned his way into getting an upgrade

using someone else's name, which, at the time,

I thought was reckless, and cute, and...

Maybe it was the heat, or the ceviche that went to my head,

but somehow I had 19 orgasms.

From eating ceviche?

With him, in the room.

And I just thought, holy moly, you know?

- This is the one! - I guess.

'Cause he knows how to make me feel,

how to listen to my body!

Yeah, I think there are a lotta guys

who can listen to your body!

You're sweet.

Oh, no, I mean, your body, really,

you know, speaks loud and clear.

Do you, do you think I'm vulgar?

No, no, I don't, no, not at all,

I think, I think you're articulate,

physically, is what I'm saying.

You think I'm fat!

My mother has gotten so fat!

No, no, you're not at all fat.

Let's talk about what you were talking about before, about--

no, I don't wanna talk about him.

Me either, no, words just get in the way of emotions.

- Yeah. - Yes, yeah.

But somehow I feel like I can really talk to you.

And so she talked. - Don't ask me why, I'm just--

and talked. I knew I was in trouble when I noticed

my right leg was asleep, and I started wondering

how late I was gonna be for my next appointment.

It was clear this woman was in no emotional state

to to throw herself at me.

Plus, the 19 orgasms given to her by her husband

were loomin' over me like a monster!

And that Russian tramp had hypnotized him,

and he had blown all of the missing cash on her!

- How many days? - Excuse me?

How many days were you in cabo?

- Two... why? - No reason.

Ohh, listen to me!

Saying I don't wanna talk about him, and then going on,

and on, and on about him, you must think I am such a mess!

- No... - Yes, you do!

- No, I don't. - 'Cause what I want...

Check that, no, no, no,

what I need, I need for you to ravage me,

can you do that for me?

Even if I look like I'm not enjoying myself,

can you just, can you have your way with me,

like some sort of savage?

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay.

I love him so much!

Yeah, we shouldn't do this.

He's a great guy, you would get along,

you would like each other!

I'm sure we would love each other.

I am the worst person in the world!

I have no right to drag you into this, I'm so sorry!

So anyway, that happens once in awhile,

but for the most part, shower door installation

is not consonant with seduction.

Which makes the tale I'm about to tell you all the more peculiar.

Oh!

Oh! I didn't know you had company.

- Who? - I don't know, I'm sevilla.

Oh. Eugene Portland, at your service.

Is that your dog?

Uh, no, that's a painting i was commissioned by a lady and...

Can I help you?

This is not room 43.

No, it's room 34.

I have a condition.

- What kind of condition? - A dyslexic condition.

I'm sorry to bother you, I'm late for an appointment.

It's no bother at all, come back anytime!

Before I can tell you about sevilla's story,

I gotta tell you about Felix.

He's the real protagonist of this tale,

even if he's not gonna make it through the night.

Main thing you gotta know, he was a great detective.

He didn't think he was a hot potato, he just was.

But then he fell for the wrong kind of dame.

Who doesn't?

And he borrowed, no, scratch that,

stole some money, in order to get away with her,

to live happily ever after.

He planned the whole thing perfectly.

Outwitted his opponents, misdirected like a magician,

switched the bag, lost the tail, and waited for her.

Sorry.

I thought you were someone else.

Hm... I read this book once...

...that book is outta print,

time passed too fast before you saw her,

then it stopped short, short on a dime.

Excuse me?

- Not you buddy. - What's that supposed to mean?

I'm not lookin' at you, I'm lookin' at her.

Well, that's what it looks like.

Then we're in agreement.

Yeah, well I don't like you lookin' at her.

Why do I care what you like?

'Cause it's my girlfriend,

and I don't like you lookin' at her.

She's a singer, everyone's lookin' at her.

Not the way you're lookin' at her.

No, you're thinking dirty thoughts about her.

Actually, I wasn't.

- Vince, stop it! - Baby, I'm handling this.

Just leave him alone!

You said this wasn't gonna happen again tonight.

I warned you not to serve him. Leave the man alone!

I'm sorry, mister.

You probably like the way he's lookin' at you, you sick twist.

Oh, drop dead!

Will ya just let me talk to you?

If you don't finish your set tonight,

you're gonna have to play an extra 15 minutes tomorrow.

You need to leave, now, please.

I miss you so much baby, please, just let me talk to you.

I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you, or in hearing you talk, ever!

- Look, I'm crazy about you. - You are crazy, period, let go!

Where would you be without me, baby, where?

You're about to find out again!