Modern Family

There you go. A nice Yummy breakfast.

Hey, where's the little leprechaun?

Oh, I think he's still getting dressed.

No, on the box. This isn't our normal cereal.

Well, because this is the store brand,

but (crunches) it's delicious.

Okay, guess what. I just got an offer to handle a case.

Good, because I think this cereal is mostly sawdust.

It is great, it's just there's, um... slight complication.

It's for Closets, Closets...

I don't like where this is going. Closets...

Don't say it. Closets (gasps)

What did you think the last word might be?

Mitchell, you can't work for your father's rival.

Hey, wait. Why does Grandpa have a rival?

Oh, who knows? Betrayal.

Because 30 years ago,

your grandfather's business partner

and best friend, Earl Chambers,

stole his Rolodex with all of his clients

and started his own company on a day that is now known

as Black Wednesday Afternoon.

Nobody calls it that.

Look, I know that there's some history there,

but can't we all just move on?

Your father hasn't.

He still crank calls Earl every year

on the anniversary of the day

that is now known as Black Wednesday Afternoon.

I really need this job.

At least tell your dad first

and spare him the pain I felt

when I found out you were still

getting your hair cut at Miguel's.

Wait, what did Miguel do to you again?

He recommended a shampoo for thinning hair, Mitchell.

Maybe we can use this to fix the loose tile in the bathroom.

Hey, Mr. Dunphy, can we have just a moment of your time?

Come on, now. How long have we known each other?

We should be on a first-name basis.

Better yet, a nickname basis, Vitamin D.

Glad to hear you say that,

'cause, um, we have a favor to ask you.

You know how Dyl...

Vitamin D has his own t-shirt business?

Oh, I should've seen this coming.

Um... yes, I will model for you,

but I'm gonna need to own the negatives.

Okay, great.

Also, we were kind of hoping

that Dylan could stay in the basement

with me for a little while.

Oh. He's trying to save up

to build inventory, and rent is killing him.

It feels like they're asking for money,

like, every six weeks.

I don't know, guys.

Moving in together, that's a big step.

It's just for a little while.

Please?

I guess if your mom's okay with it,

I'm okay with it.

Oh, um, and could you ask her for us?

I'll give it a shot, but it'll be the second thing

I've talked her into this morning,

and it'll be a lot trickier now that she's fully awake.

Hey, hon. Do you have a minute?

Just. I can't be late to work.

We are unveiling a new closet today... The Trulhatten.

It's Swedish, it's cheap, it's modern.

We're gonna grab Ikea by the meatballs.

Listen, I was talking to Haley and Dylan... Ugh.

They want to know if he can stay in the basement for a few weeks.

Oh, Phil, I think that's a bad idea.

They're adults, and Dylan really has been

getting his act together. This doesn't bother you?

I don't enjoy having to get your approval

for everything, but that's the deal I made.

Haley and Dylan in her bedroom.

They're doing what they're doing.

I say we be evolved about it.

Fine.

If you're really okay with our precious daughter

shacking up with her ne'er-do-well boyfriend,

so be it.

I just don't want them sneaking around like we had to.

The scariest moment of my life was that pantsless conversation

I had with your dad through the Dutch door.

How lazy are you?

If you want to talk to us, just come downstairs.

Luke, I'm at college. I don't even live there anymore.

And.. You have been missed.

Whatever. I'll try mom in the car.

I really need to talk to her about something.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm here for you.

What's wrong?

Well, okay. It's Sanjay.

I feel like he's been avoiding me.

Whoa.

I know. He's been really distant.

Uh, tell me all about it.

And don't worry. Take all the time you need.

Well (sighs) he never really texts me back anymore.

Maybe I should confront him about it?

Yes! Do it!

Yeah. You know what? You are right.

I'm totally going to call him right now,

and I'm going to tell him he can't treat me this way.

No, no, no. No, no, please don't.

Fine, whatever. I get it. I'll give him some more space.

You could practice right now

and take a scootch to your right.

What?

Who are you talking to?

Oh!

My brother.

He's cute. Mm.

Hi, Alex's brother.

Hey. I'm Luke.

Who are you?

Ugh. Brie.

I live down the hall.

Just borrowing a dress. Thanks, Alex. Mm.

Bye. Bye, Luke.

I-I lift weights!

Hey, what's up?

Manny, you and I are going to college.

You sure are, buddy.

Who cares what that guidance counselor said?

Look, there's a girl in my sister's dorm

who's super into me,

and she's got a hot roommate for you.

How hot? Use your imagination.

Holy cow.

I guess it would help take my mind off of Carly.

Should we talk about what color ties

we're gonna wear so we don't clash?

Click.

Manny.

So, who is this Carly?

Carly Stevenson. She's my cheerleader,

but I don't think she's too happy about it.

What do you mean that she's your cheerleader?

It's a football tradition.

They pair each player with a cheerleader,

and then they're supposed to decorate the locker,

bake them cookies, wear their hair the way he likes it.

It's fun for everybody.

Yesterday, all the other players' lockers

looked like Mardi Gras floats.

My locker, nothing.

Maybe your Carly's busy,

but I'm sure she's gonna do something nice for you.

I remember my cheerleader, Donna Deritzio.

She got busy and did something nice for me,

if you catch my meaning.

Oh! Mitchell. You're the first to arrive.

Come on, I'll make you a drink.

No, dad. I'm not here for a party.

Oh, good. I thought I forgot someone's birthday again.

Listen, there's something I want to talk to you about.

Um, I got an offer to handle a case,

but I'm a little worried about who it's for.

What's the matter now? Killing whales?

Drilling for oil? Child labor?

'Cause let me tell you something.

I had a paper route when I was 7 years old,

and you know what it gave me?

A work ethic and a right arm like Popeye.

No, dad, it...

I'd be working for Closets, Closets, Closets...

Next word better not be closets.

Of course it's Closets!

Now I'm confused.

Are you talking about Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets,

or Of Course It's Closets?

'Cause Roy Carson's a straight shooter,

and poor guy has a son who's not quite right.

Are you really making me say this again?

It's Closets, Closets...

You're not working for that

Rolodex-stealin Earl Chambers!

It's just short term, a few weeks.

You know why he's doing this?!

Because I'm a good lawyer

who handled a similar case for you last year.

He's doing this to mess with me!

I was referred by another lawyer.

I doubt Earl even knows about it.

That Rolodex was full of A-list clients.

Your Erik Estradas, your Fran Tarkentons, your Leslie Uggums.

I'm sorry, are these real names? What about that probate?

Who did you mess that up? Client's dead.

Okay, this is crazy.

Why am I worried about your feelings

when you obviously have no concern for mine?

Y... (snaps fingers) I'm taking that job.

It's like a Hatfield working for a McCoy.

If a Hatfield ever worked for a McCoy,