Marquise

Good people, feast your eyes on my fair merchandise!

Look well, for these goods are no trifles!

- Will it cure gout? - It'll stiffen your stick!

Come here, little girl!

Where can women relieve themselves?

The jakes?

The what? The jakes? Aye, the jakes.

The jakes!

For two pence, I'll take them there.

We overindulged in plums and grapes!

Quick, or I'll go in my drawers!

Me too!

I doubt you see much theater here.

No, Madame. We're too poor.

Is church your only entertainment?

That, and nature.

Is this it?

Yes, Madame.

Pull your skirts up high or they'll get mucky.

I'll guard the door.

Move over, pissant!

- No! I paid my penny! - I'll tell the priest!

What a good little girl!

Don't we get to see their titties?

Gorgibus! Push it the other way!

We"ll never be ready in time!

What do you want?

Food, Moliere!

I could eat an ox, couldn't you?

We have to get the stage up.

Are you never hungry?

God help me!

You should try some.

What are we doing in this rathole?

Don't blame me.

What do you mean?

It's what comes from your love of playing tragedy.

Is staging old Corneille's work a sin?

Speaking of Corneille...

Was I really that bad?

Not bad, but wide of the mark.

The apples that hit me were not!

- You overact. - And you don't?

No more than you.

We"ll give these folk something less subtle.

"The Jealous Lout"?

I could do a speech from "Le Cid" or "Nicomede".

- No! - Why not?

All the gold on earth would not suffice to buy this secret beyond price!

I'll ask her to come to Paris.

I saw her first!

Go ahead.

Quiet!

Wait your turn!

- Make way, old man. - You mean me?

Let me salute the graceful artist.

I am her father, Giacomo da Gorla.

Who is with her? A cousin?

What are you suggesting?

That you should stand aside, Giacomo!

I advise you to listen.

- Mind your business! - Mind this!

Peace, gentlemen. I suggest something else - the theater!

The illustrious Theater! Come.

You dance divinely.

Pray wait your turn and settle up with my father.

I settled him already.

He fell at my feet.

Will you come to Paris?

Hush! You're distracting me.

I'm stiff with admiration.

Please control your tongue, Monsieur!

I'm only saying you should act.

What do you think I'm doing?

You're dancing.

Quiet! I'm losing my faculties!

So tell me,

what "acting" would I do with you?

We are the illustrious Theater company, led by my humble self.

Damn short for the price, I say!

Are you the man they call "Molière"?

Sadly, no.

I'm only René Du Parc, alias Gros-René, his leading comic actor.

Did Mother tell you acting's my dream?

I saw it in your eyes. Your mother wrote your destiny in them.

Are you a mind reader to know my heart so well?

I want to marry you!

You don't mince words!

The truest words come straight from the heart.

What can I say?

Say yes.

Join the illustrious Theater,

and Paris will kneel before you.

Consent! Moliére's waiting and I'm hungry.

Is this an act or is your love sincere?

Do I look as if I'm lying?

Meet Marquise, my fiancée!

- Where's Moliere? - Gone to get the priest.

Marquise is joining us. She's an actress.

Meet Armande, Madeleine, Genevieve...

That's him! The fat one!

The vile seducer! Destroyer of families!

Butcher of honest men!

Marry them at once, Father,

or he'll refuse to perform in "The Jealous Lout"!

Give me back my daughter!

Give him his bride!

Are you trying to quarter me?

Hands off!

Father! Let's go to it!

Wait!

You need the father's consent!

He's right!

What says the girl?

I'll marry him if I can give up dancing, vertically and horizontally.

On with the wedding!

She's my daughter!

I detest cold food. It gives me gas.

Whoa, Father!

Giving up a daughter is a big decision.

I'm going to do it right, though it makes you fart all night.

Is it the "giving" that irks you?

No more than you, Monsieur. When you "give" a performance,

don't you count the profit?

I offer her my heart, a career in Paris!

For 100 pounds in gold...

her parents could be consoled.

What ails the player?

'Tis more than his life's wages!

'Tis God's will! My daughter is priceless.

- Twenty! - Prithee?

Twenty-five!

- Sixty! - Sixty, so be it!

Twenty-seven!

- Speak up! - Twenty-eight!

Thirty! Aye, thirty!

Not a penny less, for that odd fellow

is my friend, my brother and my son.

Thank you.

Accept! Or before the priest has done digesting

he'll bury you and marry me at the same time!

Thirty!

Father, please.

Marry them, quick!

Rene Du Parc, do you take Marquise Therese Gorla

to be your wedded wife for better or for worse,

till death do you part?

Il do.

Marquise Thérèse Gorla,

do you take this man to be your husband?

Il do.

What do you give her?

My word.

Very well. Amen.

Acting with Moliere!

Any mother would be proud.

Thank you, mother!

Begone, father!

And now, we give you "The Jealous Lout"!

"Gadzooks, my dear!

What a tun of flesh your father is!

How dense his wit, how dark his soul!"

"1 blush for him. I can barely believe that I am his daughter!

One day Fate will reveal that I'm of nobler birth."

"I believe it.

You have that look about you. I fancy I do, too."

Let's start again. "Gadzooks, my dear! What a tun of flesh..."

Tales of love!

Of jealousy!

You will see the Great Turk!

I'll sell my wife to the Turk for the agreed sum.

Selling too cheap is a sin

for one so skilled as you at turning pence into pounds!

Lucille will be mine, and cuckold's horns will adorn her little man's head!

Good-bye, Babooshi.

Good-bye, my lord Gabba-dabba...

Zounds!

That scoundrel will get his just deserts!

I'll sell that ugly old wench he calls his wife!

Unless! Unless...

I sell the rogue himself for ogling my lovely Lucille!

He wants to "horn" me but I'll "horn" him first!

Here's his housemaid.

Well?

Speak!

Go on...

Speak!

Did your mistress not send a message for me?

Do I have to guess it?

Must I tear it from your throat?

Lucille has nothing to tell me.

My lords, she has nothing to say! She has nothing to say!

Perhaps I should dance it instead!

Speak up! We can't hear a thing!

She's...

I don't know!

Armande! Quick!

There you are! I was wondering where you'd gone.

My master has two maids, one deaf and one dumb.

He sends one or the other to his mistresses' husbands.