Black Christmas

# Old Mr. Kringle is soon gonna jingle #

# The bells that'll tingle all your troubles away #

# Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag #

# 'Cause Christmas is coming again #

# He's got a sleigh full #

# It's not gonna stay full of stuff that he's dropping... #

# Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag #

# 'Cause Christmas is coming again #

# He'll be here #

# He's got a sleigh full #

# It's not gonna stay full #

# Of stuff that he's dropping every stop of the way #

# Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag #

# 'Cause Christmas is coming again #

# He'll be here... #

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas from your friends and family

at the Clark Sanitarium.

Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Leave me alone!

Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Happy birthday.

Behold. Wise men from the east came to Jerusalem,

saying, "Where..."

How'd you get in here?

The door was open.

I was looking for the children's ward, and I got lost.

This ain't no place for Santa Claus.

Not at Christmas.

Lenz?

Billy Lenz?

That's the guy that killed

his family at Christmas, back when I was a kid.

You know, a lot of people say he's dead.

Poke your head inside.

Check if he's been naughty or nice.

No, that's... it's okay.

I thought so.

You guys keep him locked up with just a padlock?

That lock's just to make him feel at home.

Right, 'cause his mom kept him

locked in the basement his whole life.

The attic.

See, that's the key to Billy Lenz.

He just wants to feel at home,

especially on Christmas.

He's tried to escape every year...

...just to be home on Christmas.

It tastes like chicken.

Because it's chicken.

It's the closest we could get to how

Mom used to taste.

Kyle...

- Mm. - It's late.

I have to go inside.

Mm-mm.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-mm.

They might be waiting for me.

See? That's them calling.

You can be with them any time.

Yeah, but it's not any time, though.

It's Christmas.

I know, but it's our first.

We should be together.

We will.

On Christmas Day.

I can't wait until you see what I got you.

And then, we'll be together all week.

Well, besides when I have to work.

Look, I'm excited, baby, but I got to be

with my sorority sisters, too.

I mean, I've never really had a big family.

I'm your family now.

I love you.

I'll see you later.

Hello.

# I love those J-I-N-G-L-E bells #

# Bong! #

# Jingle bells #

# Jingle bells, jingle all the way #

# Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh #

# Jingle bells, jingle bells... #

Billy.

Billy.

Billy...

Girls, I can't find Billy's present

under the tree here.

Come on, girls, we can't start the Secret Santa

without Billy's present.

Hello? Who drew

Billy's name?

Um, Ms. Mac, it's a Secret Santa.

Can't we just get on with this thing, so I can party

for a few days before having to deal

with the family on Christmas.

Have you looked outside?

It's raining hail the size of Yao's ball sack.

It'll stop.

The party gods won't allow me to be here by myself

- over Christmas break. - Oh, I'll be here, Dana.

Yeah, they're making me work next week.

That sucks-- everyone should be home for Christmas.

All right, all right, who's not here?

Um, like everybody.

Chelsea?

She went home this morning.

- Greer? - No, that was her on the phone.

She and Erin and Taylor

are off on that cozy little ski trip

with the boys from G.A.D. next door.

Didn't I see Clair earlier?

Isn't she upstairs writing a card to her sister?

No, I think her sister picked her up earlier.

Remember, this is the occasion

for Clair and her sister and her mom

to... bury the hatchet and rediscover

each other.

Oh.

I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister...

...right in her head.

In your dreams, Billy.

In your dreams.

Lauren, we're opening up presents.

Clair, we're opening up presents.

Okay, I realize that you're an only child,

so let me explain.

Christmas is just Darwin.

The weak get eaten.

We're opening up gifts right now!

If you're not downstairs in five minutes, your presents

are mine!

Now show me.

Okay.

We're opening up presents in five minutes!

If you're not downstairs,

then I'm going to take your presents.

Just fuck Christmas.

Fuck it.

Whatever.

Hey, Megan, are you okay?

Yes!

No.

Megan...

Honestly, Santa loves...

All right.

Who's fucking with me?

Clair?

What are you doing?

# Fa la la la la la la la la #

# 'Tis the season to be jolly #

Hey, Santa, if I sit on your lap,

will you give me what I want for Christmas?

I don't know, you've been good all year.

You sure you want to blow it on the last day, huh?

I'll be good.

I bet you will.

Happy holidays.

Yeah.

Ever seen the backseat of a sleigh?

# Fa la la la la la la la la #

You know, Santa checks his list twice.

I know you're very, very naughty.

Hello?

Santa, my shift's over.

You know, Santa's not one to keep a girl waiting.

##

Mrs. Mac, why don't you open the present we got you.

Because we have to open Billy's present first.

It's a 15-year Delta Alpha Kappa tradition.

Okay, I...

I drew that name.

But can I say, I'm sorry, I'm just,

I'm really not okay with any of this.

I mean, buying a Christmas present

for a serial killer?

No, you see,

serial killers murder repeatedly for sexual thrill.

Billy Lenz was a spree killer.

Dude just fucking lost it.

Thank you.

Oh, whatever, Melissa, okay?

I'm just offended by a pagan sacrifice

to ward off evil spirits on Christmas.

Heather, we're just having a little bit of fun.

Christmas is more about warding off evil spirits than Halloween.

What Christmas shit

in this room resembles anything Christian, huh?

It's all neo-pagan magic.

Christmas tree--

a magical rite ensuring the return of the crops.

The mistletoe is nothing but a conception charm.

Fifth century Christians

jacked a Roman winter festival--

12 days in December where the nights were long

and the Earth was roamed by the demons of chaos.

And fucking Santa Claus?

This fat voyeur that watches you all year long

to make sure you live up to