Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves

I'M SO EXCITED, PATTY.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE LA COSTA BROCHURE EVERY DAY FOR TWO MONTHS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE FINALLY LEAVING TOMORROW.

YEAH. I-I KNOW YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR CAR, BUT CAN I DRIVE ?

YEAH. OKAY.

OH, NO !

THE MAIL WENT INTO MY CEREAL.

YEAH. THIS HOUSE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I REALLY NEED THIS VACATION.

MOM, WE'RE OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER. LOOKS SO PEACEFUL.

I SAID, WE'RE OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER !

WELL, DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME; TALK TO YOUR FATHER. YOU KNOW HE'S IN CHARGE OF HOUSEHOLD LEGUMES.

THINK YOU CAN GET ME 00 TOMORROW MORNING ?

OKAY, 8:00 ?

NO, THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN COMPLETELY OVERHAULED, I ASSURE YOU.

I DID IT MYSELF. IT'S PACKING IT UP THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.

YOU SEE, IF IT ISN'T DONE RIGHT, I REALLY CAN'T GUARANTEE THAT IT'LL GET THERE UNDAMAGED.

HOLD ON, I LOST THE SUN.

NO, NO ! I-I'M THRILLED THAT THE SMITHSONIAN WANTS TO DISPLAY MY SHRINKING MACHINE !

IT'S JUST THAT I'D PREFER TO DISMANTLE IT AND REASSEMBLE IT MYSELF.

I JUST THINK I'M MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN MOST PEOPLE.

DAD, WE'RE OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER. MOM SAYS YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE.

HELLO ? HELLO ?

OKAY, THEN. IT'S SETTLED. I-I'LL PACK IT UP THIS WEEKEND,

AND YOUR MOVERS WILL COME ON MONDAY AND TAKE IT TO WASHINGTON.

OH, BY THE WAY, FEEL FREE TO USE IT TO SHRINK THE NATIONAL DEBT !

HELLO ?

HELLO ?

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT ? YOUR DAD'S INVENTION IS GONNA BE IN THE SMITHSONIAN...

ALONGSIDE THE GRAMOPHONE !

WHAT'S A GRAMOPHONE ? AN EARLY RECORD PLAYER.

WHAT'S A RECORD PLAYER ?

AN EARLY C.D. PLAYER. WHAT WAS IT YOU WANTED ?

WELL, I WAS MAKIN' A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH FOR LUNCH,

AND I CAN'T FIND--

PEANUT BUTTER. PEANUT BUTTER.

WHERE ARE YOU ?

YOU KNOW, DAD, I WAS KINDA THINKIN' THAT,

YOU KNOW, SUMMER'S NOT FAR AWAY.

IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR ME TO GO TO BASEBALL CAMP.

DON'T YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT NEAT SCIENCE CAMP WE SENT YOU TO ?

CAMP ISOSCELES WAS FUN, DAD, BUT...

I'VE BEEN THERE NOW THREE YEARS IN A ROW.

YEAH, BUT THE FOURTH YEAR IS THE BEST. TRIGONOMETRY ?

AH ! PEANUTS.

THE COFFEE GRINDER WILL SOLVE OUR PROBLEM.

- - BUT ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GOIN' TO BASEBALL CAMP.

BASEBALL'S JUST A TREND. IT'LL PASS. BUT SCIENCE IS ALWAYS COOL.

[ Gurgles, Stops Abruptly ]

- THERE YOU GO. - IT'S GOT GROUNDS IN IT.

- IT'S DECAF. - WAYNE, DON'T YOU HAVE TO GET TO WORK ?

- I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BIG PRESENTATION. - OH, MY GOSH. I GOTTA GO.

SO WHAT ? I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE PRESIDENT.

I AM THE PRESIDENT. BUT PRESIDENTS HAVE LESS FREEDOM THAN ANYBODY.

AND THEY DON'T HAVE ANY FUN.

TIKI MAN, YOU'VE SERVED ME WELL.

OH, AND I LIKE THE WAY YOU MADE IT RAIN YESTERDAY TOO.

WAYNE, I WISH YOU'D GET RID OF THAT PIECE OF JUNK, TIKI MAN. SHH. YOU'LL ANGER HIM.

HE TAKES UP SO MUCH ROOM, AND YOU WON'T EVEN LET US HANG OUR COATS ON HIM.

HE'S A POLYNESIAN GOD, NOT A COATRACK, DIANE.

HE BELONGS IN A MINIATURE GOLF COURSE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU BOUGHT HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. TO HAVE FUN ?

WAYNE, YOU ARE SAYING GOOD-BYE TO MR. TIKI MAN THIS WEEKEND.

I'M SORRY. BUT THAT'S THAT.

BE COOL. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

YUCK.

COLD CHOW MEIN FOR LUNCH ?

UH, YEAH. ALL THE KIDS ARE EATIN' IT.

HEY, MOM. DID NICK EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT GOING TO CAMP ISOSCELES ?

HE SURE DID. HE HATED THAT IT LASTED ONLY SIX WEEKS INSTEAD OF EIGHT.

WHAT A BRAIN BOX.

MOM. WHAT IF I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO A CAMP NAMED AFTER A TRIANGLE ?

AMY DIDN'T GO TO SCIENCE CAMP.

SHE WENT TO SHAKESPEARE CAMP. WOULD YOU RATHER DO THAT ?

NO. WHERE DID ALL THESE BUGS COME FROM ?

OH ! A DADDY LONGLEGS.

NO, MOM, DON'T KILL IT ! DADDY LONGLEGS ARE GOOD. THEY EAT OTHER BUGS.

[ Car Horn Honks, Brakes Screech, Metal Crashes ] THAT WOULD BE YOUR AUNT PATTY.

HEY, HE'S GONE.

YOU LIVE, FOR NOW. TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

OH, GOSH.

I'M SORRY. HI, ADAM.

DIANE, WE HAVE TO TALK. I'M STILL WORRIED ABOUT THE KIDS IF WE GO AWAY.

NO. THEY ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH T-TO STAY BY THEMSELVES.

AND WHAT IF MITCH GETS SICK ? WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, OUR HUSBANDS WILL BE THERE. MY POINT EXACTLY.

PATTY, DON'T START WITH ME. WE BOTH NEED THIS VACATION.

YOU ARE MORE NEUROTIC THAN EVER.

AND I'VE LOST MY PERSPECTIVE ON MY MARRIAGE. BESIDES, THE KIDS ARE OLD ENOUGH.

LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE LIKE WELL-BEHAVED LITTLE ADULTS.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

OH, MAN, I GOT THIS GREAT STORY, OKAY ?

ONE TIME WE WERE AT THIS CHINESE RESTAURANT, AND I SNEEZED.

- AND SIX GRAINS OF RICE CAME OUT MY NOSE ! - OOH, I'VE ONLY DONE LIQUIDS.

BUT ONCE JENNY DID A PIECE OF SPAGHETTI. OH, MAN, IT WAS, LIKE, HANGIN' OUT TO THERE.

SHUT UP ! AT LEAST I'M NOT SICK 24 HOURS A DAY.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF I HAVE A POTASSIUM DEFICIENCY.

YEAH, BUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN YOUR I.Q. DEFICIENCY ?

- SHUT UP ! - HEY, STOP IT ! - COME ON. GET HER !

- MOM ! - HI.

I BETTER GET THEM TO SCHOOL.

UH, PATTY. WHAT'S WITH THE BLOCKS ?

OH, THE CAR WAS MAKING FUNNY NOISES THIS MORNING, AND YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL.

I MEAN, WHAT IF THE PARKING BRAKE WENT ? I WORRY ABOUT THESE THINGS.

THAT'S WHY YOU NEED A VACATION.

BECAUSE AT SZALINSKI--

[ Remote Slide Changer Clicking ] AT SZALINSKI LABS--

THE-- THE-- THE FUTURE--

AT SZALINSKI LABS, THE FUTURE...

IS-- THE FUTURE IS--

CRAP. NO ! THE FUTURE ISN'T CRAP.

THE FUTURE... IS NOW !

YES ! THAT WAS THE PRESIDENT...

AND MY BROTHER, WAYNE SZALINSKI.

AND WHAT A SPEECH ! MMM ? WOW !

ANYWAY, I'LL BET YOU'RE ALL HUNGRY.

SO WE HAVE A FULL BUFFET BRUNCH WAITING FOR YOU RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS.

EAT ALL YOU WANT ! AND THANKS FOR COMING.

AND DON'T FORGET, AT SZALINSKI LABS, THE FUTURE...

IS... NOW.

AHH. GLAD I CAN BREATHE AGAIN.

NOTHING LIKE THE SMELL OF TWO-PART EPOXY RESIN.

WHOO. MUST BE AN ACQUIRED TASTE.

HI, MARCIA. HI, TROUSER.

SAY HI, TROUSER. [ Dog Barks, Mechanical Voice Says "Hello, Hello" ]

- "HELLO" ? - TURNS OUT THAT'S WHAT "WOOF" MEANS.

[ Dog Barks, Voice Says "Feed Me, Feed Me" ]

THAT LOOKS PROMISING. HOW'S PROJECT GREEN LANTERN COMING ?

JUST OKAY.

I'VE RUN INTO SOME PROBLEMS. BUT IF YOU GIVE ME JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME,

I THINK I CAN SOLVE THEM... MAYBE.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

OF COURSE, THE GOAL OF PROJECT GREEN LANTERN...

WAS TO DECREASE ACCIDENTS TO HIGHWAY WORKERS AT NIGHT...

BY INCREASING THEIR VISIBILITY...

THROUGH THE USE OF INTERNAL FLUORESCENCE.

NOW ALREADY WE'VE MADE TREMENDOUS STRIDES IN THE AREA OF LUMINESCENCE.

PUT AWAY THE SNOWBLOWER, GORDON. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?

SEE FOR YOURSELF.

CHEERS.

- IT'S NOT WORKIN'. IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE MY BODY GLOW. - MM-HMM. OPEN YOUR SHIRT.

OH, JIMMY ! IS THAT MY STOMACH ?

MM-HMM. AND HERE'S MINE.

THE PROBLEM IS, THE LIQUID JUST STAYS IN YOUR GUT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT GETTING ABSORBED INTO THE BLOODSTREAM.

- HAVE YOU TRIED GOING THROUGH THE CALCIUM CHANNEL ? - THE CALCIUM CHANNEL ?

YEAH, MIX IT WITH MILK. THAT'LL MAKE IT WORK. IT'S OBVIOUS.

HEY, I'M NOT WITHOUT IDEAS.

I WAS GONNA SUGGEST MAKING THE HIGHWAY WORKERS WEAR TUBE TOPS.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE, UH, WORKING.

- WHAT IS IT, TRINA ? - OH. UH, EARL PARMEN CALLED...

TO SAY THAT HE HAS TWO V.I.P. PASSES FOR THE SHUTTLE TOUCHDOWN LATE TONIGHT...

AT EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE.

- DO YOU WANT THEM ? - DO WE WANT THEM !

OH, WAIT, WAIT.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS WEEKEND ?

NOT THAT I CAN REMEMBER. I JUST GOTTA CALL DIANE.

FORTY DOLLARS SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR PIZZA.

NOW, WHAT ELSE ?

WHO TOOK THE HANDSET ? WHO TOOK THE HANDSET ?

THE HANDSET ?

HI, YOU HAVE REACHED THE SZALINSKI'S. MACHINE.

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE OR FAX OR A BINARY FILE AFTER THE BEEP. GUESS WHAT ! CHANGE OF PLANS.

GORDON AND I JUST GOT INVITED TO SEE THE SPACE SHUTTLE LAND TONIGHT.

- SO IF IT'S OKAY, WE'RE GONNA TAKE OFF. - NO, WAYNE. IT IS NOT OKAY.

PATTY AND I ARE GOING ON VACATION.

I MUST'VE TOLD YOU THIS 15 TIMES. DON'T YOU REMEMBER ?

SURE, I REMEMBERED. THEN I FORGOT.

WELL, LISTEN TO ME NOW, WAYNE, AND LISTEN GOOD.

I AM GOING ON THIS VACATION AND NOTHING...

AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME !

YOU DO NEED A VACATION.

I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE. I HAD TO FIND MITCH'S MEDICINE.

IS THAT EVERYTHING, THEN ? ALL SET ? I HOPE SO.

OKAY. THIS IS IT.

TWO DAYS WITHOUT MOMMIES.

IT WILL BE HARD. IT WILL BE TOUGH. BUT I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE YOU'LL MAKE IT...

IF YOU FOLLOW THESE RULES.

ONE. DON'T RAID THE REFRIGERATOR BETWEEN MEALS.

TWO. TAKE YOUR VITAMINS AFTER DINNER.

THREE. NO ROLLERBLADING IN THE HOUSE.

FOUR. GET RID OF THE TIKI MAN. GOT IT ?

ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ? UH, YEAH. CAN I HAVE SOME FRIENDS OVER ?

- NO. - COME ON, MOM. DON'T YOU TRUST ME ?

SAVE IT FOR THE DEBATING TEAM, JENNY. THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

- BUT MOM, I-- - ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ? GOOD. BYE, KIDS. I LOVE YOU.

HAVE FUN. AND TRY TO RELAX, DIANE.

YOU TOO. HAVE FUN, AND TRY TO RELAX.

YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY ? WE'LL BE FINE.

BYE, MOM. BYE, SWEETIE. BE CAREFUL, MITCHELL.

WEAR PADS WHEN YOU ROLLERBLADE, AND DON'T EAT TOO MUCH SUGAR. IT SPEEDS UP YOUR METABOLISM.

AND, PLEASE, PUT ON A T-SHIRT UNDER-- UNDER YOUR PAJAMAS TONIGHT, OKAY ?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ME IN A PLASTIC BUBBLE, WHY DON'T YOU ?

I FEEL LIKE I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING.

WHICH REMINDS ME. ADAM. ADAM !

I JUST DID LAUNDRY...

SO YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF CLEAN UNDERPANTS !

- I BET YOU THEY HAVE LACE ON 'EM ! - OH, NO !

- - HIDEY-WHITEYS !

NOW WHAT ?