Shrinking

Hey, sexy. Mind if I take a shower?

Well, it's gonna fog up my mirror.

How about I wipe a little spot on the shower door,

and then you can sneak a peek?

Wipe two spots. One for the fun zone, and then do another one for your face.

Yeah, deal.

And it's a great property, but I overleveraged myself.

I might have to sell it at a loss. And it's hitting all my failure buttons.

I'm sorry, are you okay?

Yeah. I took my meds, but they don't always kick in the way they used to.

If it bothers you, I can put my hand in my lap.

And I'll cover it with this blanket.

But then it might look like I'm pleasuring myself to your financial troubles.

Sorry, if it's a distraction.

Thank you.

What are you in for?

Parkinson's. You?

Just a haircut.

I deserve more of a laugh than that.

I'm sorry. I'm just going through it today.

You look good. Your voice is firm. Makes you sound wise.

Yeah, I am quite wise.

How's your balance?

Not bad. The stupid exercises help.

Me? I fall three times a day. I'm thinking of taking up stunt work.

- Paul. - Gerry.

Only a mild tremor. I would kill to have a tremor like that.

Yeah. Well, I get real stiff.

And my left side hurts all the time.

I told my girlfriend that sex helps,

but she's a doctor so she knows I'm full of shit.

That's a tough break.

I feel stupid complaining to you.

Please.

We're all on the same shitty train to sucksville.

How's the brain? Any hallucinations?

No, thank god.

They're the worst.

Bad enough your body goes, but then you start seeing shit. It's scary.

I didn't even know that was a thing with Parkinson's.

Although, one time I saw Halle Berry in the bathtub with me.

Another time it was my mom.

So, good and bad? Unless your mom's really hot.

Well, dad says she's a bobcat in the sack.

Enough whining. I'm still here, so fuck Parkinson's.

Yeah. Okay.

You gotta say it to mean it.

Gerry, I'll grab you in a minute.

Paul, you ready?

Fuck Parkinson's.

Fuck Parkinson's.

What the fuck? I was here first.

I gotta face it, Jimmy.

The end of my life is gonna be hard.

And I can either be a self-pitying shithead,

or I can suck the marrow out of what's left of this amazing life.

No more living in why me land.

I kinda like why me land.

I spent a couple years there recently.

It's nice.

Well, anyway, that's my new philosophy. Fuck Parkinson's.

Catchy. Fuck Parkinson's.

- Fuck Parkinson's. - Fuck it right in the face.

Don't fuck my disease in the face, Jimmy.

We'll see.

But I need a favor.

Keep me in check if you see me sinking.

Pull me up.

I know that's a lot to ask.

Paul.

I have leaned on you so much.

Just grateful I get the chance to pay you back even a little.

That said, I still don't understand why that means

I have to ride next to you in a sports car while you drive like a lunatic.

Are you coming or not? Just because I'm not allowed on the streets,

doesn't mean I can't do it.

Paul, Paul.

- You having fun? - Yeah.

Good.

Paul, slow down.

Paul, this is triggering.

My wife died in a car, Paul.

Come on! Relax.

Baby, sorry, we ran out of creamer 'cause I didn't feel like getting it.

Also, last night when you were sleeping…

let's see… how do I say this?

You started screaming like a little bitch.

What's the dealio?

- You know... - come on. No, no, really.

Like, what is it?

Okay.

When I was ten,

I threw a pine cone at a crow in my yard.

And needless to say he was pissed.

And he would dive bomb me every time I went to the bus stop.

Like, every time. You know crows hold grudges?

I did not. But this is already the best story I've ever heard.

Yeah. So, I have this recurring nightmare that he's gonna find me and fuck me up.

What? So you think he's gonna, like, rip out your eyes?

He'll probably just take one eye.

That way you'll be able to see him smile while he eats it.

I'm so glad I shared this with you.

I know. I'm sorry, baby. I love you.

I love you.

- What? - What do you mean "what?"

Did you not hear the way you said "I love you"?

Yeah, I sound normal.

You sound like morpheus. Try it again.

I love you. Wow!

- Just keep it caj, like, love ya. - All right.

Love ya.

Give me a kiss.

There's racist Pam.

I have to do something so she knows I hate her.

Trust me. Everyone you hate is already well aware you hate them.

Well, you do something, so she knows you hate her too.

Like what?

I mean, how many dicks can I tell her to eat at this point? It's redundant.

We're getting closer. Think of something.

Good morning.

That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. You wanna go home and have a quick?

- Hell, sure. - All right.

Come on, let's go.

Done. Look at me building shit, so masc. Is it turning you on?

It would be if you were doing it correctly.

Come on, there's nothing more masc than confidently doing something incorrectly.

Unless I was, like, standing by a grill

and simultaneously overcooking and under cooking sausages.

Appreciate it, man.

- Yo, pops. - Yeah?

I put some extra peppers in that bag for Graham.

And I'll see y'all at Sunday dinner.

Where you off to?

He's got a Booty call.

- That's a... - he knows what a Booty call is.

Geez, man. I'm in my 40s.

So is she.

The older the Berry the sweeter the juice.

Sometimes I miss when we weren't talking.

Stop. All right.

Huge news!

You found my last pair of clean boxers?

What? No.

The wesleyan soccer coach is coming to my next game to watch me play.

- Wow. That's exciting too. - Yeah.

Hey! Bingo. Good news keeps coming.

You're going commando right now?

- No. - …Again.

I'm moving past it.

I'm going to play soccer in Connecticut!

It's weird, everyone around me seems to be so full of joy lately.

I still get knocked on my ass by the smallest things.

It's funny, my friend Paul, he got me thinking.

We all have agency.

And maybe happiness is not this impossible thing.

You just have to choose it.

And why are you saying this to me?

My mistake.

You're like the happiest person I know.

Listen, you don't have to try and inspire me every time we talk.

Why can't we just sit and enjoy our coffees?

Because the coffee from your shop is almost a hate crime.

Fair. Why do you think the coyote is so sad?

Maybe because you call it a coyote? That's not British that's just...

- what do you call it? - Coyote.

Coyote.

- Nope. - Okay.

I gotta ask.

Are you happy spending your days handing out the Wi-Fi password

and heating up milk?

Hey, I also have complete creative control over how the muffins are arranged.

Okay. Didn't you use to be a graphic designer?

Yeah. You know the logo at the farmers' market?

- Yeah. - That was me.

Get the fuck out of here.

I see that every time I go to the farmers' market.

Yeah, that's how it works.

At some point you're gonna have to restart your life.

I know.

I'm just finally feeling okay where I am.

I think I don't wanna risk messing with that.

Yeah, I get that.

Alice and I are doing really great right now.

She's gonna be heading off to college soon.

All I want is for her to live with me until I die peacefully.

And then she can go off

and make whatever mistakes a young woman in her 70s might make.

That sounds healthy.

How you dealing with it?

Same thing I tell my patients. Fake it till you make it.

I'm gonna be supportive.

Do everything I can to help her get into wesleyan.

Pretend I'm not dying inside.

Goal!

I'm just practicing 'cause I know you're gonna get one today.

Are you seriously putting that much pressure on me?

What? No. You don't have to score at all.

No. If I don't, I'm doomed.

I hope whatever you want to happen,

happens without you feeling like it has to happen.