Life in Pieces

_

: No, it's...

what are you...

this is nice, isn't it?

You know, walking home from dinner?

We should do this more often.

Yeah.

Or we could just drink less.

Then we can drive home.

True. Hey, look at this.

Tyler's school.

- Oh... - It's a nice place to just

sit and do nothing, huh?

- God knows that's all Tyler - Yeah.

- ever does, come on! - (laughing)

Hey, I'm, uh,

I'm pretty funny when I'm buzzed.

You are.

And tired.

We've only walked two blocks.

Well...

You know, when I was in high school,

we used to rearrange the letters on these signs all the time.

It was a classic prank.

Oh, we did that, too!

Yeah.

Yeah!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey, buddy. How was school today?

Anything, uh, classic happen?

No.

But someone messed with our marquee.

- Oh... - They changed "Freshman Elections"

to "Fleshman Erections."

What's so funny?

The school canceled our senior trip.

Wait, wait, wait... what?

Yeah, they have

a zero tolerance policy on vandalism.

The cops are looking into it.

Ooh.

For switching around a couple letters?

What...? What are they arresting

people for doing crossword puzzles over there now... what?

Because of the nature of the message,

they're actually considering it a sex crime.

- Ooh! - Ah! Wow!

Wow, that is...

I mean, that, that is

right out of left field.

Yeah, well, until someone confesses,

the senior trip is off.

And Clementine was saying there was a chance we'd s...

ski together.

I thought you were going to Hoover Dam.

Do you think they've skied together before?

I don't know.

I bet she's a great skier, though.

Oh, God, please don't say that.

You're Tyler's parents, right?

How can I help you?

Uh... well, we wanted

to come down here and talk to you

about the vandalized sign.

Ah, yes, we've received many complaints.

And some compliments, too, right?

I mean, you have to admit it was pretty classic.

- I found it vulgar. - And vulgar.

And due to its sophomoric nature,

we're certain it's a junior or senior.

Okay, well, uh,

actually it-it was us.

We did it and we are

really sorry.

We thought we should come down here and confess

so that the senior trip can go ahead as planned.

You're saying that you rearranged the sign?

We were a little tipsy coming home from dinner, so...

No, he was tipsy. I only had four.

I see.

Well, thank you for bringing this to my attention.

I mean, we also, we just thought we wanted

to come down and model good behavior.

- Right. - I mean, to-today!

We weren't before, but we...

Okay, well, I have other things to get to, so...

Right. Yeah.

Thank you for having us.

They think I did it.

- What? - Yeah.

Everyone can go on the senior trip now, but me.

Principal Bundy said

that you two came in to confess,

which means that I did it,

because no adult would do something so stupid.

- It wasn't stupid. - Hey.

- It was classic. - Thank you.

Oh, my God.

You did do it.

What were you guys thinking?

I don't know.

: "I don't know."

That-that's really your answer?

Are-are-are you mad at us?

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed.

- Oh. - Hmm.

- Tyler? - Mm-mm.

Hey, come on!

Hey, hey, hey! You know what?

We will go in there tomorrow and we will fix this whole thing.

For once, I'd like to come home,

have a nice dinner with my family,

do some homework and then go to sleep

without all this drama.

Okay?

- He's totally disappointed in you. - No, I told you... you did it!

You're the one he's disappointed in.

No, I told you that maybe we should go back...

If you had just...

and told her, and told her her sweater looked nice,

we could've left this whole thing behind.

Oh...

No, honey, look.

This photo of your dad mooning the sign?

That proves that you're innocent.

There he is.

Tyler, heard you're the one who did the sign!

No, no, I...

That was hilarious.

Thank you, finally.

Are you here to make more excuses for your son?

No.

No, no, no, no.

No, uh, we-we are here

to let him know once and for all

that we are very disappointed

in this inappropriate prank.

Yeah.

Even though it was a classic.

Mm-hmm, that's right.

Who knew it was such a big deal?

I mean, when we were in high school,

pranks were just harmless fun.

People are so sensitive now.

I guess we'll just have to adapt.

Aw, man, it's like they're begging us.

No, no, no, no, no! We-we got to walk away.

We got to, we...

- I don't know that I can! - Yeah, you can, you can.

Walk away, walk away.

_

_

- (knocking) - Come in.

- Hi. - Hi, Jake.

Sorry to interrupt.

Oh, what is that?

That is dinner for your family.

What?

I didn't want to let any

of my cooking lessons go to waste.

There's a blowtorch inside,

so you can really scorch the duck.

But tableside.

Well, you know I like a scorched duck.

Now, please, go home to that baby already.

Oh, her name's Lark.

I know. I'm actually writing

a lullaby for her birthday.

Have a nice evening.

I like what you're throwing down.

All right, bye-bye.

Hi, honey!

You're home early.

And with dinner.

Hi, beautiful.

I got so much work done today,

my to-do list is now a to-done list.

Ah!

Well, that's impressive.

Well, I had help.

Oh, yeah, uh, is it chapped-lips Amber?

I thought she was a horrible assistant.

Oh, no, Amber, no.

Yeah, she went to rehab for something.

Sex or meth or elaborate nail art.

Anyway, she and her whore nails are out.

And things are running real smooth.

- Ah, great. - Yeah.

So, who's the new girl?

Hmm? Oh, just, um...

I want to know about your day.

Oh, well. (scoffs)

Uh, it's always the same at a crowd funding Web site.

You know, just making stupid dreams come true.

Uh, today, someone got 50 grand

to fund a hammer that says, "Nailed it"

- (laughs) - Yeah, so I invested in it.

Who is that?