Push

-The whole trip's given me a little bit better understanding

And clarity when it comes to me and victoria's relationship.

With brian in Italy,

The waiting and the unknown is difficult,

But I'm glad that he's working on his own journey and path.

Last year was a dark year.

I'm still grieving the loss of work.

I need to heal personally.

I want to be the best for me, to be the best for her.

The love was never the problem.

When it was good, it was money, money.

But it was a lot of this.

One was up, one was down.

When you're talking about being down with a disability,

It is a struggle.

Like, oh, it's work.

Like, just age.

I'm going to need a caregiver.

I'm going to need bigger equipment, more room,

Power chair, this and that.

When it comes to two disabilities in one household,

One relationship, what does that look like moving forward?

I'm turning 40.

Who knows how my health is going to go in a couple of years.

This has caused me to start to really think about

What I need in a partner.

-Relationships are challenging, and life is challenging,

You know, and I understand all that.

But there's things I can do and things I can't do,

And what does that look like?

What does, you know, I don't have those answers,

But at least I'm in the space in my head

That I can say, am I prepared?

-He needs to make a plan and a commitment

To work through things, and that's different.

But, I don't know, because right now I feel like I need to start

Seeing different effort than what's being put out there.

Let's not sugar coat it.

I mean, maybe I'm just not the man.

I don't know.

I don't have that answer.

-It was great.. -It was...

-To have you here in Italy.

-It couldn't have been a better week.

The best week I've had in a long time, so grazie.

You're beautiful, brian.

Oh, you're beautiful.

Yes, sir.

Oh.

Ah.

Me too.

-Ricky's mom and dad, his whole family,

What an amazing group of people.

They've just opened up everything to me.

Always welcome, always.

Grazie, I appreciate it.

You have such a good son, and I see where it comes from, hey?

Thanks, buddy.

I love you so much, buddy.

I'm going to miss you.

Thank you for showing me your home.

It's a pleasure, man.

Good old ricky.

He's going to spend a couple more weeks with his family

Here in fano.

Just honoured that they allowed me to be here.

Ciao. Have a safe trip, man.

Yeah, buddy, thank you, hey?

Thanks, man.

Very safe trip.

-I'm going to wait until I'm around the corner

To bawl like a girl.

-Text when you're landing... -I will, I will.

-So I know that I keep my boyfriend.

Okay, okay.

Ciao, yeah, ciao.

Ciao.

This trip has been life-changing for me.

You know, I needed some time to clear my head,

And victoria deserves answers when I get home as well,

And I want those answers to be clear.

Ciao.

My bad!

-Ciao. -Ciao.

Call demetrius jones.

Phone: Calling demetrius jones, smiling face.

Hello?

Hey, babe, it's bean.

What are you up to?

-About to go to the gym here in a little bit.

Oh, nice.

Thinking about you.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What are you thinking?

That's for me to know.

-So I've decided I'm going to go see demetrius.

I bought my plane ticket for salt lake city, utah.

I'm leaving in a few days.

I've already been married and divorced,

So like that pressure is already gone.

And honestly, being indian and having a disability,

Nobody thinks you're going to date anyways because people

Think, well, who the fuck would date somebody with a disability?

So there's really no pressure at all.

In fact, quite the opposite.

I have not dated a wheelie dude before,

So there's definitely a lot of questions and curiosities about

What is this relationship going to look like,

What are the physical logistics of this.

Luckily, I have a lot of wheelie peeps around me who have dated

Other wheelie peeps to give me some help and advice.

Can I get a slice of pepperoni?

-No, I ate an entire rack of ribs.

-I didn't have the pizza, I had the lasagna

And it was like the bomb.

Boyfriend talk.

Yeah, I'm going to go see him.

I don't know, I haven't felt like this about anybody.

It's easy, it's not stressful.

I'm nervous about, first of all, dating another wheelie peep

And I've always said that I wouldn't.

And so now I feel like I'm just like eating my words.

-It's like the reason you say you wouldn't though,

Because of like the logistics of dating somebody with a

Disability and like the, like...

Being in public, or because you're just like,

How does intimacy work with two people with disabilities?

All of the above.

All of the above, yeah.

Obviously, you're worried about logistics, right?

And I've always kind of wondered how does sex work

With two people who are paralyzed.

-Brittney, you're the professional here,

You just released a sex education video.

Are you sure you don't have something to share

On this topic?

-Did the, "does it still work?" conversation come up yet?

Because do you ask that?

I know that's the thing that...

I know.

-The first question that girls always get asked from guys is

Like, "can you feel sex?"

And for guys, it's usually, "does it still work?"

Yeah.

-So did that conversation come up between you guys yet?

-Kind of. Kind of.

So he said he hasn't dated anybody since his injury.

And so he doesn't even know, really,

If he can have sex because he hasn't.

Oh, like he hasn't...

No, he hasn't.

Explored that.

We'll just see how it goes.

He probably does know.

Is that the first thing you do when you're paralyzed as a male?

You're just like, start slapping it around?

You'd be like, "is this going to do anything?"

-You should probably be able to figure it out or have an idea,

But even if it doesn't work, there's other ways

To be intimate, right?

Yeah.

-Even able-bodied people have performance anxiety, right?

Everyone's like, "am I going to be able to do this?"

A lot of people, when they ask you, they're like,

"oh, does it work?

What are you going to do?"

Disabled people can have sex too, right?

-Well, we're all living examples of, you know, we have intimacy.

And, you know, it's not a taboo thing.

-Most girls, honestly, they'll come and they'll be like,

"well, how do you have sex?"

And I'm like, "do you want me to explain biology 30

To you again?"

Like, there's a penis and there's a vagina.

Yeah.

-Or... It won't go there.

That too.

Yeah.

I'm not saying more.

That's all I'm saying.

Announcement: Final boarding call for flight 124.

-I'm really excited to go see demetrius.

It's been a long while that we've been chatting,

And I'm just ready to, like, experience him in real life.

But part of me is like, once we have that physical connection,

Is it going to take away from what we have emotionally,

Or will it make it better?

That's something you just don't know until you experience it.

I'm starting to feel nervous.

My stomach's getting, like, butterflies and kind of...

Topsy turvy,

It might be the turbulence that we're currently facing.

Pilot: Good afternoon, folks.

We're arriving in salt lake city.

-So the flight was great, but as I'm waiting for everybody to

Exit the plane, like, I have to pee really badly.

I can feel when my bladder is full, but I can't hold it.

So if I've got to go, I've got to go now.