Stand Up and Cheer!

Did you know that Lawrence Cromwell...

the big theatrical producer, is going to call on the president today?

Did I know it? It's the talk of the White House.

- Lawrence Cromwell will be here at 11:30. - I'm dying to see him.

Do you know that Lawrence Cromwell is the authority on feminine beauty?

Lot of good that'll do you, Angie.

Yeah. I'm in the press room.

White House. Yeah. Lawrence Cromwell.

Stand by for a statement.

After he sees the president. Okay.

Well, I've been on the White House hitch of the Secret Service...

for seven years now, and it strikes me...

this guy Cromwell's getting a lot of attention.

Yeah. Big New York theatrical shot. Okay.

You'd think it was Lindbergh just getting back from Paris or something.

- You are Mr. Cromwell's- - General scout, sir.

Dinwiddle is the name- Eustis Dinwiddle of Fern Hall, Hertfordshire, England.

By the way, I hope you gentlemen of the press...

won't find it necessary to refer to me as Mr. Cromwell's general, uh-

In fact, right-hand man.

And to say I've discovered some of his most brilliant talent.

That's a little bit of information I always keep to myself.

Do all the big theatrical producers have general scouts?

Oh, no, sir. Just Mr. Cromwell and myself.

- We're different, you know. - What are the duties of a general scout?

Just general- G- G-General scouting.

Looking for lovely girls. Mr. Cromwell is always in the market for lovely girls.

Who isn't?

Come on. Look out for that plane, boys.

Watch out for that blade.

- How do you do, Mr. Cromwell? - Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning. - New York Times, Mr. Cromwell.

- What's the purpose of this visit? - I have no statement to make.

Well, surely-

Mr. President, may I present Mr. Lawrence Cromwell?

- Mr. President. - Mr. Cromwell.

I have admired your theatrical productions for years.

- Thank you, Mr. President. - Will you be seated, please?

Mr. Cromwell, our country is bravely passing through a serious crisis.

Many of our people's affairs are in the red...

and, figuratively, their nerves are in the red.

But thanks to ingrained sturdiness...

their faith is not in the red.

Any people blessed with a sense of humor...

can achieve success and victory.

We are endeavoring to pilot the ship past the most treacherous of all rocks- fear.

The government now proposes to dissolve that destructive rock...

in a gale oflaughter.

To that end, it has created a new cabinet office-

that of secretary of amusement-

whose duty it shall be to amuse and entertain the people...

to make them forget their troubles.

Mr. Cromwell...

we are drafting you and your splendid talents into public service...

and it is with confidence and pleasure that I offer you...

the cabinet position of secretary of amusement.

Mr. President, I find it somewhat difficult...

to express my feelings at receiving this great honor.

I can only say that I accept the portfolio of secretary of amusement...

and I shall do my best to merit the confidence you are placing in me.

- Gentlemen. - Secretary Cromwell...

these gentlemen of the press have been informed of your appointment.

- Will you give them a moment? - Yes. Of course.

What's your first move, Mr. Secretary?

Recruiting entertainers from all parts of the world.

- How will entertainment be distributed? - Divide America in 48 zones-

Also include Hawaii, the Philippine Islands, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands.

- What's Mr. Skimfiddle going to do? - Mr. Dinwiddle...

will be invited to serve as general scout for the Department of Amusement.

Mr. Secretary, deeply mindful of the solemnity-

- Uh- Uh- I'm deeply mindful of the solemnity...

- of the occasion. - How many assistant secretaries will you appoint?

Twelve- radio, drama, motion picture, circus, vaudeville, dancing-

- Circus Department, Avenue A. See Mr. Wertzel. - Thank you.

- First tenor. - Mr. Bagwell on the audition stage.

Oh,just a moment! Mr. Butler has the tenors.

Low-voiced crooner.

See Mr. Butcher somewhere in the music building.

Mr. Butcher.

Upstage! Upstage, everybody!

- Upstage.! - Look here, Dinwiddle, this has got to stop.

Everywhere I go, actors, acrobats. They're driving me crazy.

- I shall compose- - They storm me on the streets, in my car.

You've gotta do something. I place the burden on your shoulders.

It's a burden I shall bear with fortitude, sir.

Uh, vigilance. "Vigilance. " That shall be my watchword.

Uh- Uh- I shall have a slogan.

Of course, you know, they're counting on Mr. Cromwell and myself...

to pull this country out of the red.

- Quite a job. - Yes, indeed.

Am I correct in assuming that over here a fellow gets into debt...

he keeps his accounts in red ink?

- That's right. - When he gets out of debt, he changes them to black ink?

- Yes. - Oh! Hence the expression, "Out of the red. "

- That's the idea. - Oh, very amusing.

I must buy myself some red ink.

- Good morning, Mr. Secretary. - Oh, hello, Arthur.

- Not much like your New York office. - Well, this is the gingerbread.

The entire first floor is part of the show.

Upstairs we have offices that look like offices.

Gentlemen.

I want to impress upon you assistant secretaries...

- and Miss- - Adams. Mary Adams.

You appointed me head of the children's division last week.

Oh.

I wanna say that the splendid start we now have...

only emphasizes the importance of teamwork and hard work.

Now, remember, the government has appropriated 100 million dollars...

and is allowing 12 months in which the Department of Amusement...

may prove its right to permanency.

Now, gentlemen, this is a pretty tough job...

for there's no telling where undiscovered talent and genius may appear.

Your departments will be flooded with applicants...

and you must see them all, but send only the cream of the lot to me.

Unfortunately, I can't see them all.

- Thank you. That's all. Miss, uh- - Adams.

Yes, I want to see you a moment please.

Hello?

Check this carefully, will you? "West Coast. Zone 36.

"One dozen jazz bands. One gross chorus girls.

"One-sixth of a dozen masters of ceremony.

"Zone 18, girl singers: blues singers, two dozen, torch singers.

Boop-boop-a-doop singers- none. "

Okay. Now, Miss Monroe-

- Uh, Adams. - Oh, yeah. Step here, will you, please?

Something I want to show you.

There's one phase of this amusement campaign which I think you oughta understand.

The zones in- You're beautiful.

Of course I'm not.

- What's that? - I said I'm not beautiful.

Young woman, you're talking to Lawrence Cromwell-

Lawrence Cromwell, the world's authority on feminine beauty and charm.

Do you mean to stand there and question my judgment on the subject of beauty?

- Do you? - Oh, no. No. I was-

But you did question it. Now you listen to me.

When Lawrence Cromwell says a girl's beautiful, she's beautiful.

Oh, the very idea. I demand an apology.

Your personality definitely puts you in Class 10-A, Department "B"...

with a double-X rating in my card index system.

And my system is the preeminent beauty catalog of today.

Height, 5'4". Weight, 116.

Bust, 34. Waist, 26.

Hips, 36. Calf, 12 and 1 y2. Ankles, 7.

Questioning my judgment. That is good.

I'm really awfully sorry, Mr. Cromwell.

Never mind. Never mind. Just let it be a lesson to you.

Get my New York office, please.

You're so very busy, Mr. Cromwell. Don't you think-

- Oh, no. Stay where you are. I haven't a thing to do.

Yes. Yes, of course I want London, England.

Our European agent, Morris Feinberg. Savoy Hotel. Okay.

- Yes. Now, Miss Jefferson, I'll tell you what I want- - Adams.

Oh, yes.

- How do you like it here? - Oh, very much.

It's all so interesting.

I think it's going to be much more interesting now that you're here.

Oh, I mean, uh- I mean, with the children and all that.

- You love children, don't you? - Yes. I'm crazy about them.

Mm. So am I. I used to be one myself.

- You rang, Mr. Secretary? - Note to all departments:

"Suggestions from employees for improving the service...

of the Department of Amusement will be welcomed by the secretary. "

- That's all. - Yes, sir.

I have a suggestion to make, Mr. Secretary.

- Fine. Fine, what is it? - You're working too hard.

- You think so? - Positively. It isn't good for you.

Now, now. This isn't the children's division.

No, I mean it. You're going all the time,just like a machine.

Seeing hundreds of people daily, losing sleep...

eating sandwiches in your office.

Don't you ever stop for a real meal?

No. But that's an idea.

Suppose you and I have dinner tonight?

- Well, I- - Fine. Fine. I'll call for you at 7:00.

For heaven's sake, let's select a caf where there's no entertainment.

- This is going to do you a lot of good. - You're telling me.

Cancel that last order to motion picture producers.

Yes, sir.

The eastern papers.

Look at that. Look at that!

Wonderful cooperation from the press. They've been with us from the start.

I know the department's going to be a tremendous success.

Why they're laughing from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

- Now, Scotty, do you know what your line is? - Yes.

What is it?

That's it. And then what do you say to them?

That's right. Now get in your positions.

Put your hands on each other's shoulders.

That's it. That's fine.

- Now, you'll all be back tomorrow at 4:00- - Yes, Miss Adams.

and you'll know your lines perfectly, won't you?

- Yes, Miss Adams. - All right now.

You've all been very good children today...

so I have a surprise for you.

- What is it? What do you have? - Help yourselves.

Here, Maryanne. There's one for you.

- Yes. - Mr. George Bernard Shaw.

Send Mr. Shaw in.

George Bernard Shaw?

Yassuh.