Everybody Hates Johan (Alle hater Johan)

Mom.

Mom, yes.

Mom.

It would have been so nice if you said it. Mom.

– Mom? – Yes.

You're doing so well.

Here comes dad. Yes.

There he was, dad.

– Johan said mom. – Huh?

– Must have been dad. – No, it was mom. Yes.

– Are you sure? – I can tell the difference.

They are two completely different sounds.

Both are labial, but still, Johan said mom.

Johan?

Children should say dad first. Always been like that in the Grande family.

– Mom. – Dad.

Ready?

My story began with the war.

Mom and dad were bridge bombers. They wanted to get rid of the Germans.

Come on.

I was there, but I don't remember so much of it. Just that it was fun.

And it made a terrific noise.

We laughed, but then it turned out that something went wrong.

A little faster.

We blew the wrong bridges at the wrong time, people said, and they got angry.

And 80 years later they are still angry.

Hush! Be quiet now.

Idiots, the whole bunch.

The Grande gang, yes.

– What the hell are you doing here? – You must have heard the bangs?

– Not the Berseth bridge? – Yes.

Damn, then! We were supposed to take that with the Englishmen. They are on their way here.

– What am I supposed to tell them? – That shouldn't be a problem.

Hello, London? I want to report that the Berseth bridge has been blown.

– Call off the mission. – Let me talk to them.

I am so sorry. It's unexpected. The communists got ahead of us.

Just have to pack up. No point in being here.

Cut it out! Kolbjørn! Don't talk to them! Sit down!

Frode, the important thing is that the bridge was blown.

We have been here for eight days. We have prepared.

We have rationed food. Cut it out! Don't talk to them!

– We just thought we should let you know. – Well, thank you then.

Bloody ... No, not you.

Bloody Grande hell!

It is important for me that you know this.

We in the Grande lineage got to the island first.

We followed the ice edge as it retreated.

When we got here, we stopped.

– Hi, Solvor. – Hi, Johan.

And we have lived here for several thousand years.

People have always been envious because we took the best spot on the cape.

– You're fast. – Solvor! You have to come home!

– I have to go home. Bye, Johan. – Bye, Solvor.

We have not cared about being liked. Nobody has liked us.

And it didn't get any better in my lifetime.

You can't spend your time trying to be liked. You understand that, right?

Mom! Dad!

– Like this, Johan. Carefully down. – Yes.

Now let's see.

Here it will be good to sit.

Let's see. I have to cut the wire here.

And then we have to split it again, like we did on the other side.

Like this. You understand, Johan ...

... when two people love each other, it doesn't help being on each side.

There has to be a contact point.

When the heat at the contact point becomes high enough ...

... then anything can happen.

Mum and I had you. You will have kids, and they will have kids.

You get it?

- Isn't she pretty, Johan? - She's very pretty!

- Have you thought of a name? - Ella.

- Like mum? - Yes.

Yes, why not?

Ella is a decent horse name.

Shall we see if she can take a hit, this Ella?

Excellent, Johan! Did you see how it went off?

Isn't it dangerous?

Yes. But sometimes you have to do it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.

- But what if it explodes? - Nothing can resist dad's pipe wrench.

You understand, Johan, it's not the dynamite that's dangerous.

- It's cowardly people. - Your dad can handle this, Johan.

And you too, maybe, someday.

- Will it be fun? - It will be extremely fun!

- Are you okay, mum? - Yes, I'm fine, Johan!

It would have been easier to reach you if you took off your ear muffs.

It weighs 150 kilograms, Johan. You can't ...

What should we do with the horse, Iver? Should we give it away?

The horse will have to manage. We have to prioritize the boy.

- He's not going to live with us, is he? - We are the only family he has.

It might be good for him to get out and breathe a little.

Get some air under his wings. It can be nice.

Johan seems to think that the stone shouldn't stand there, -

- but lie on the sea where the remains of his parents lie.

- You should let Johan stay with you for a while. - Do you think so, yes?

- You're saying? - He's so young and immature.

What are you doing?

It wasn't so easy to say something conciliatory about your brother and his wife.

They blasted everything. Is it wrong to say that?

No, they loved to explode.

They made a phenomenal effort during the war.

Saved Norwegian and English lives. Even a bunch of Russian prisoners.

If it weren't for the Grande family, we would still be occupied.

What Johan needs now, are some adult role models.

Someone who is more stable and less explosive.

Johan can still become a normal boy.

When I was a student, I learned -

- that when the kids are young, they need a lot of care and support.

When they get older, they gradually need less.

And in the end they don't need care at all.

- Does it hurt? - A little.

- It was a shame about your parents. - Yes, it was a shame.

- But they were a bit strange. - Maybe. But dad was strong.

It's possible to be strong and weird at the same time.

Mum says that when you kiss, it's like eating something really good.

- Like what, for example? - Cake.

- What kind of cake? - German slice?

- Nothing German is good. - Brown sugar, then? Like this?

It's a bit good, but it's not the best, you know.

- Princely cake? - I don't like that.

- Kvæfjord cake? - That's good

So you're saying that if we kiss, it'll be like eating kvæfjordkake?

I don't really know. I'm just making a reference.

We could try.

Is this where you guys are? Are you going to blow up my daughter too?

You need to stay far away from Solvor!

Damn, cursed ... Can't you listen?

We're not going far, Johan.

Wild horses like Ella manage. Yes, yes, yes.

Come on, then. You can visit Ella whenever you want.

I lost mine too early.

And it was tragic. I have to admit that.

But I had nature and Ella.

Without Ella, I would have been dead.

This is a small place, and you can't hide.

Hi, Johan.

My aunt and uncle were good to me.

I'm making us some good food.

They let me live at the lighthouse and trained me to be strong in my arms.

But most of all in my head.

That's how we do it in the Home Guard. Like this or like this.

Puncture the lung, pull it down, so we get the knife well under the lung.

Then you have nothing to say. Is that how you want it?

Lie down there! I'll cut you up, and pull out your intestines.

– Pull out the intestines so the blood splatters. – Solvor, Johan is looking at you now!

He looked at you for five seconds. Maybe seven!

Matti Järvinen managed an hour and 15 minutes on the bar.

I'll buy a hot dog for the one who can get the closest.

Come on, now. Very good.

– Sivert, only ten seconds? – No.

What's this? No, Eigil. Come on, then.

You swing too much.

This is going in... What a bunch of ...

Look at Lars! That's good, Lars.

Very good, Lars. You're working now.

Come on, Lars! Don't give up now.

Damn. Go and sit down, everyone.

Let's see how long you can hold on.

– No, come on. Let's go. – It's cold.

– Are you coming, Solvor? – Yes.

Are you still hanging, you damn fool? Nobody cares.

You, Johan?

Iver and I have been thinking a bit.

It's about finding some kind of balance, –

– so you can interact with people in a normal way.

Otherwise, it becomes so exhausting.

You, what I think Iver is trying to say, –

– is that people are skeptical of those who are different.

– You are different. – But in a good way.

You will find your way. I'm not worried about that.

– But you need to make it work. – Exactly.

– It's not enough to just be strong. – No.

– Should we have a waffle? – Yes, we should.

Do you know that it was right here the submarine with the Germans came in?

The Battle of Titran happened right here.

In here we sat and planned soda bombings.

The Berseth Bridge, the Lyse Bridge, the Lam Bridge, the Fiske Bridge. All the bridges.

If you're going to blow up bridges, you have to plan. You have to get up early.

It's the end of April 1940 that has made its way through the whole country –

without meeting any resistance.

– But what the Germans didn't know ... - Good. What the Germans didn't know ...

Was that Titran's resistance group would dramatically change the outcome of the war.

Come on, then! That was your cue! Pick up the pace!

What's happening now?

Come on! Take the Germans!

Come on.

Oh my ... What ...

Oh my, what ...

What is this? Cut it out!

You're supposed to lay down. You're dead. It says so in the script.

Lay down, Johan. You're ruining it for everyone else.

Like that.

And there you go.

Wait, wait, wait.

That's too wimpy. It's kind of like a theater kick.

You just have to ... Like that.

Use your hip. Like that.

He hardly feels anything. Join in and kick.

Hi, Johan.

Don't you want to get away from here? See the world?

If you stay here, it'll be like eating just one thing for the rest of your life.