Maddie's Secret

You want salsa?

- Ooh! - Hey!

- Sorry! - What the hell?

Watch where you're going.

Like, what is she doing?

Madison Maddie Ralph! You're late.

Would you hush,

and make sure no one comes through that door?

- I'm half naked. - I got you.

Thanks, Deena.

So, what's your excuse? You sleep through your alarm,

your hubby have some morning wood

that needed servicing?

Oh, my God.

Deena, it's not even ten o'clock

and you're already talking about sex.

Yeah, well, you were supposed to be here at 09:00 a.m.

to help me prep ingredients for Her Majesty's video.

So, yeah, I'm a little hot and bothered.

Emphasis on "bothered."

I'm really, really sorry, Deena.

You know I'm never late, but on my run over here,

I got totally distracted by an idea

for a new dish.

Maddie Ralph, when will you learn

to stay in your place? The only dishes that you need

to be thinking about are the ones

that need washing.

Today, I'll be making cacio e pe...

I guess we'll have to take that again.

All right, everybody, settle.

I'll take my own action, Kyle, in five, four...

Hi, everyone.

Welcome to the GourMaybe Test Kitchen.

I'm Emily Brown, but you know that.

And today, I'll be making cacio e pepe balls.

So, this new dish idea of yours must be pretty special

to make teacher's pet so tardy.

It's kind of my take on the smash burger.

Vegetarian, of course. It's a little Mexican,

- a little Filipino... - Hmm.

- ...a little, well, me. - Sounds amazing.

Like, well, you.

When I was jogging over here, Los Angeles was speaking to me.

The sun, the street vendors,

all the crazy stuff going on right now

in graphic design.

And then I smelled the most beautiful jasmine bush,

and it all came together.

And then what, a bird landed on your shoulder,

and you sang together in perfect harmony?

I swear to God, Maddie,

it's like you're out of some modern-day fairy tale.

You're perfect.

Trust me, Deena, I'm anything but.

Oh, my God. Would you shut up?

Don't you have some balls to handle, Emily?

What would you know about balls, dyke?

Play nice. We've got content to make.

All right, everybody, settle.

Hey! I want this place sparkling by tomorrow morning, okay?

- Sir, yes, sir. - Of course, Zach.

Emily, you leaving?

You want me to walk you to your car?

Oops.

I somehow missed these.

- What? - You're hilarious.

I know.

"Would you two shut up?"

I don't get it. What does she have against me?

You're better looking and you're better at cooking.

Deena, she may be a little mean to me sometimes,

but Emily Brown is a genius chef,

- and a total badass. - And you're a saint.

Thanks for the ride, Deena.

- Oh, Deena, the door's stuck. - Oh, sorry.

There you go.

Thanks.

- Oh, sorry, sorry. - It's still...

There it is.

It's a little finicky.

Good night.

Good night.

Hey, Maddie!

Don't you ever get tired of being such a good girl?

No.

Thirteen... ...14...

Hi, Jake.

Hello, my beautiful wife. How was work?

Emily chewed my head off again.

Have you eaten anything yet?

I had some candy and some chips.

That's not food, Jake.

- So, how did I eat it? - You'll eat anything.

I'll eat whatever's in front of me.

Can I make you some real food?

After, after. Come here.

Did we throw away that mango pickle

- from the Indian we ordered? - No.

And do we still have eggplant?

You most certainly do.

Very funny, Jake.

I need to go try something in the kitchen.

Sensual.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Filming me without my consent.

I'm not gonna post it, but you could.

Jake.

Maddie, I'm hungry. What's next?

Well, I'm essentially making a tortang talong,

which is one of my favorite Filipino dishes.

It's kind of like an eggplant omelet.

- This is so stupid. - No, it's not.

You have no idea how ravishing you look, Maddie.

- Likely story. - Keep going.

The key to maximum flavor, like with the smash burger,

is, well...

smashing.

I'm just gonna dredge it in some egg.

This dish does have

major breakfast sandwich-y hangover vibes.

And then I'm gonna throw that in a pan on medium high,

and almost baste it in more of that egg mixture.

Whenever I edit food content,

the clients always ask me to make cuts

right after the loudest sounds.

Mm-hmm.

What's wrong, baby?

I just wanted to make my husband some dinner,

and now, I'm in post-production.

I thought this was your dream,

to be the vegetarian Nigella, or the millennial Alice Waters.

I'm passionate about food, Jake, not social media.

You have a gift, Maddie, okay?

And you should share it with the world.

Do you wanna be a dishwasher forever?

Do you want Emily to win?

I'll work my way up to the kitchen like she did,

like all my heroes did. This is cheating.

Well, I wanna fix our roof, okay?

I wanna have a kid with you,

and be able to put it through college.

Me too, Jake. You know that.

Then what is this really about?

I don't...

I don't like the way I look.

Are you kidding me?

That girl right there is a knockout, Maddie, okay?

That girl right there is beautiful.

If by beautiful, you mean puffy, then yeah,

I guess I'm beautiful.

You sound like your mother.

- Fuck it. - Since when do you curse?

I'll post it tonight.

I'll post it right now.

That's my girl. Come here.

No!

Six hundred thousand views.

- What do you mean? - Six hundred thousand people

and a few bots shared the video you posted last night.

I... I don't believe you.

You're crazy.

I'm not crazy.

That's a six followed by five zeros.

Don't tell me you didn't look.

I try to stay off that app.

Let me guess, you don't have a TV either?

Oh, my God, Maddie.

Jake said the video was doing well,

- but not that well. - What does Jake know?

A lot about editing, mind you.

And he knows all the tricks to keep people in a stupor

on their phones. It's his job.

It's not Jake's editing

people are responding to, Maddie,

- it's you. - It's the food.

The food that you cooked.

Why won't you let yourself

be excited about this?

I guess I just don't believe it yet.

Then you better start believing it.

Six hundred thousand people see what I see in you.

I told you I'm not crazy.

Oh, my God.

Well, well, well.

Looks like our little dishwasher's

all grown up.

- Deena, am I in... - Maddie Ralph!

- My office! Now! - ...trouble?

When you were hired at GourMaybe,

you signed a contract. Do you remember that?

Uh, I... I think so.

Why don't you go ahead and read some

of the highlighted clauses here?

- Page three, paragraph seven. - Um...

"All staff are prohibited

from posting original food-related content

to their personal social media accounts

unless vetted by, or in collaboration