Hell Drivers

- Hey. - Yes?

Erm, I'm looking for a job.

- Who do I see? - Oh, ho, you're out of luck, chum.

- Who's won, mate? - It's on now.

I heard you needed drivers, for ballast.

- You a ballast driver? - I'm any kind of a driver.

What difference does it make?

That block, first door, ask for Cartley.

Ah, thanks a lot.

Must be hungry.

Thanks Terry, bung it down anywhere.

Lovely work, Jackie boy, Lucy loves you.

Oh, you're not Terry. Huh, sorry.

See you later, Jackie.

Thought you were the boy who's mending my typewriter.

I'm looking for Mr Cartley...?

- Is he expecting you? - I'm looking for a job.

Hmmm! You'll be lucky.

My name's Yately, Joe Yately, er...

... I met a character called Legubin.

Oh, you know Leggy. How is he?

They've put a silver plate in his skull.

So I, I thought there might be a job going up here.

Why, to get a silver plate put in your skull?

Leggy said there was good money up here.

Well...

... I'll see what I can do for you.

Yes?

I heard you needed ballast drivers.

You met Legubin, is that right?

Yeah.

Did he tell you how much he cost us in compensation?

He couldn't handle the loads, not at the speeds we wanted.

How long have you been driving?

- Twelve years. - Many accidents?

- No. - You sure?

- Now, look, I told you. - Licence.

Hm. No endorsements, no convictions for speeding... why not?

Huh. I guess I was never caught.

Name and address of your last employer.

I've been out of the country.

Where?

Around.

I want fast drivers.

Fifty miles an hour touched, right round the clock.

- What kind of roads? - Bad roads.

Wet or fine.

- What about the speed limit? - That's up to you.

If you're caught you pay your own fine.

So if you don't think you can handle ten tonnes at that speed,

- ... just say so. - What's the money?

We work a bonus system here.

You get seven shillings a load, plus four shillings an hour.

- Over what distances? - Ten miles each way.

Twelve loads a day, minimum. Anything under, you're fired.

That's a pretty rough pace, isn't it?

We've got one man that does eighteen runs a day.

- And what about breakdowns? - You maintain your own lorry at night.

If you have a breakdown, it's your fault.

And, ah, we like you to keep your vehicle clean.

There's a bonus each week for the best-looking truck.

If you've got one left.

You don't like the idea?

I like the money.

An itchy palm doesn't make a good driver.

It needs guts, confidence. You don't inspire me.

You're looking for a sucker, aren't you, Mr Cartley?

- Lucy. - Yes, Mr Cartley?

Phone the shop, tell him to bring round a spare truck.

- The usual test run. - Yes, Mr Cartley.

Right.

You'd better not be wasting my time, that's all.

Ed, the usual. Once over the run.

Roger.

Here, you'll want these.

You've driven one of this kind before?

I said have you ever driven one of these before?

Yeah. I've been out of circulation for a little while.

Ah.

Hop in, then.

What have you been driving?

- Oh, this and that. - Oh, yeah.

Well, take a tip. These trucks, they're light on the trigger.

You don't have to fight 'em, the way you're doing.

Loosen up a bit.

Good.

Now, here's a corner.

Now, don't check.

Let her run into it.

- We're going too fast. - No, we're not, we're going dandy.

Step on it, boost her round.

Well, let her swing, let her go.

There, see?

The brakes don't work, didn't you see? They failed on me.

Well, we stopped didn't we?

Yeah, maybe they need pulling up a bit.

Go on, back up, I'll guide you.

Go on. Back now, straight on.

Left a bit. Now straighten up.

Pull left.

Great.

Oh, your face, all them cows!

Yeah, well, I forgot about the brakes...!

Wooh.

Now, you see, we get the stock from that pit field.

You bring it round on this belt, up to the ballast office.

This is the three-eight, half-inch model.

This is the quarter-inch gravel.

It's the gravel we use.

- You know how to work it? - No.

Now, get up there and level it off.

The cops like it that way.

Blimey, they've let you out today, have they, Ed?

Aye, doctor's orders.

Ah, keep your tail down, come on.

Okay.

From now on it's the run. I'm timing you.

Give her the gun.

Doesn't come round so friendly now she's loaded, does she?

You gotta keep that needle north of thirty.

Every mile you get above that...

... you can reckon on another sixpence an hour.

Drop below it and you're out of a job.

Savvy?

Don't ease up.

Suppose we meet something?

Supposing we don't?

Look on the bright side.

Now, keep straight on.

Let the road look after itself.

Good for you.

Phew.

Red chasing Johnny.

Well, you didn't have to stop.

Come on, get moving.

We're losing time.

We've got a long way to go yet.

What's the matter?

Who says anything's the matter?

Oh, you're improving.

Now, here we are.

You've made it. Wasn't bad, was it?

Oi! Okay, tip 'er.

Nudge 'er forward a bit.

How did I do?

So so.

Didn't get it, eh?

Come on, come on.

Wooh.

What happens now?

Home.

- Ah, well, you drive. - Me? I can't.

The police took away me licence.

Hey. Come here.

Lucy. Come here.

Bye bye.

Lets have another look at that licence.

Yes, Mr Cartley.

Truck thirteen, make out a log book.

Yes, Mr Cartley.

When do I start?

Ye... Lucy!

Start him tomorrow.

Cards, particulars, next of kin. Look after him.

Yes, Mr Cartley.

- Thanks. - Well, aren't you the lucky one?

Fitter had me worried.

Ed? Oh, you needn't have. I put in a good word for yer.

Yeah?

What did you say?

Oh, I said you were a... friend of mine.

Why should you do that?

Do you always know why you do things?

Huh.

Yately, Joseph. Same address?

No.

I'm in between addresses now.

That's yours.

You've got Leggy's old truck. Number thirteen.

For luck.

Got your cards with you?

No, I... I've been away.

I lost them.

Does Cartley know that?

No.

Well, we won't tell him.

He's got a suspicious mind.

I'll try and get you some new ones.

- Thanks. - Got anywhere to sleep?

- No. - Ask at the gate for Ma West.

All the boys stay there.

I'll do that.

Oh, by the way, there's a pull-in across the street where they eat.

- Yeah? Oh. - Of course...

... you might get to know some nice local girl...

... and get invited for supper.

Do you like home cooking?

Well, yeah, if it's good.

If I cook it, it's good.

Bye, Joe.