Parks and Recreation

- BUSINESS AT RENT-A-SWAG COULD NOT BE BETTER.

YESTERDAY JADEN SMITH CAME IN,

AND HE WAS LIKE, "LOOK, I WANT TO QUIT

THE MUSIC/ACTING BUSINESS AND WORK HERE WITH YOU."

AND I WAS LIKE, "JADEN, BE SERIOUS.

THE WORLD NEEDS YOU. YOU HAVE A GIFT."

- EVER SINCE MY CLIENT OPENED HIS STORE ACROSS THE STREET,

YOUR SALES HAVE PLUMMETED.

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU'RE OUT OF BUSINESS.

BUT MY CLIENT HAS HAD A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS,

SOMETHING HE REFERRED TO AS "SYMPATHY"?

HE'S MADE YOU A FINAL OFFER--

$40,000 FOR RENT-A-SWAG AND ALL OF ITS CONTENTS.

I SUGGEST YOU TAKE IT.

- WELL, I'VE HEARD ALL THE FACTS,

AND IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS WHAT I HAVE TO DO--

GET A BIG OLD MUG OF HOT CHOCOLATE,

PUT ON MY THINKING PJs, AND GET BACK TO YOU.

- THE OFFER IS VALID FOR 48 HOURS.

WE WOULD ALSO BE INTERESTED IN ACQUIRING YOUR THINKING PJs.

- LISTEN TO ME VERY CAREFULLY.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

YOU WILL NEVER ACQUIRE

MY THINKING PJs

OR MY YOUTUBE BLAZER...

NONNEGOTIABLE.

*

SORRY. SORRY.

- LARRY, EVERYONE ELSE WAS ABLE TO MAKE IT

TO THE COMMITTEE MEETING ON TIME.

WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

- I WAS VOTING FOR YOU IN THE RECALL ELECTION.

LOTS OF PEOPLE WEARING LESLIE KNOPE BUTTONS.

* LA LA LA LA LA LA

NO DISCUSSION ABOUT THE RECALL ELECTION

UNTIL THE POLLS CLOSE 00.

LET'S FOCUS ON WHAT WE CAN CONTROL.

IN 24 HOURS, WE ARE GOING TO TRANSFORM CITY HALL

INTO THE BEST HAUNTED HOUSE PAWNEE HAS EVER SEEN.

THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

THIS SAYS THAT I'M IN CHARGE OF THE SILLY SKELETON ROOM,

WHEN REALLY IT SHOULD SAY

"THE UNDEAD SERIAL KILLER ROOM."

WHO DO I TALK TO ABOUT CHANGING THIS?

IT'S RECALL DAY.

I'VE MADE MY CASE,

AND THE LATEST POLLS HAVE IT AS A DEAD HEAT,

SO THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT WAIT.

I'M FINE. I MEAN, I GOT STUFF TO DO.

I'M PLANNING A HAUNTED HOUSE.

PLUS, UM...

IT'S KEVIN POLLAK'S BIRTHDAY.

THAT'S SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON TODAY.

WHO CARES ABOUT THE RECALL?

IT'S KEVIN'S DAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I COULD TAKE THE OFFER AND BREAK EVEN,

BUT I'VE COME SO FAR.

RON, CAN YOU PUT SOME MORE TINY MARSHMALLOWS

IN MY HOT CHOCKY?

THANK YOU.

- IF THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO FOR YOU,

I WOULD.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TAKING A WALK...

OUT OF MY OFFICE.

RON! YOU'RE IN BLOOSH!

WHAT?

RON'S IN BLOOSH?

RON IS IN BLOOSH!

WHAT IS BLOOSH?

- BLOOSH IS A WEEKLY LIFESTYLE EMAIL

WRITTEN BY ANNABEL PORTER.

SHE USED TO BE THE FACE OF THE EAGLETON PHONE BOOK.

THEN SHE MOVED TO HOLLYWOOD TO PURSUE HER DREAM

OF BECOMING FRIENDS WITH A BUNCH OF CELEBRITIES.

THEN SHE MOVED BACK TO BECOME A LIFESTYLE GURU.

SHE'S LEGIT.

SHE SPENT FOUR MONTHS LIVING

IN KATE BOSWORTH'S POOL HOUSE.

- "A RON SWANSON-DESIGNED CHAIR

"IS THE MUST-HAVE ITEM OF THE SEASON,

"ALONG WITH RED QUINOA, WIND THERAPY,

AND BUYING AN ISLAND."

- ANNABEL SAYS THAT BUYING AN ISLAND

IS THE ONLY REAL WAY TO KNOW

THAT YOUR GOJI-BERRY FARM IS PESTICIDE-FREE.

- I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET RENT-A-SWAG

IN BLOOSH FOR MONTHS.

AND NOW THAT YOU GOT IN, I CAN GET IN TOO.

CONGRATULATIONS, RON! WE DID IT!

- SOMEONE'S GETTING A NEW LEATHER JACKET.

- I DON'T WANT A LEATHER JACKET.

- IT'S FOR ME. THIS IS A GREAT DAY!

both: RON'S IN BLOOSH!

RON'S IN BLOOSH! - WHAT?

both: RON'S IN BLOOSH!

- DO IT. both: RON'S IN BLOOSH!

APRIL, YOU SEEM DEPRESSED,

AND I WOULD KNOW.

I SPENT MOST OF LAST YEAR BEING TREATED

BY DR. RICHARD NYGARD

FOR MY OWN EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS.

YEAH, I JUST MISS ANDY.

HALLOWEEN WAS, LIKE, KIND OF OUR THING.

EVERY YEAR, WE WOULD DRESS UP LIKE DEMONS

AND EGG LARRY'S HOUSE.

- THAT WAS YOU? - LARRY, PLEASE.

WE'RE HAVING A PRIVATE CONVERSATION.

WELL, I'D LIKE TO MAKE HALLOWEEN FUN FOR YOU,

LIKE ANDY WOULD HAVE,

STARTING RIGHT NOW...

WITH SCARY, SCARY MONSTER CLAWS!

OKAY, PEOPLE,

THE GRAND OPENING IS IN 20 HOURS.

LARRY, YOU HAD THE EASIEST JOB--

TWO TRIANGLES AND A TOOTH.

NOBODY WANTS

GENGURCH-FAMILY-THEMED JACK-O-LANTERNS.

GAYLE LIKES THEM.

- IS ANY OF THIS EVEN GOOD?

WHY DIDN'T WE CALL IT "CITY HALL-OWEEN"?

OKAY, WE NEED TO CHANGE EVERY SINGLE BANNER.

- LESLIE'S BEEN HOLDING IT TOGETHER PRETTY WELL,

BUT TODAY IS WHEN SHE NEEDS US THE MOST.

THAT'S WHY WE FORMED

THE LESLIE KNOPE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TASK FORCE.

- ANYTHING SHE COULD POSSIBLY NEED

TO GET HER THROUGH THESE FINAL HOURS,

WE GOT IT COVERED--

BACK RUBS,

YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF TURTLES AND BIRDS

BECOMING FRIENDS...

A POSTER ANNOUNCING

THE NEW LILITH FAIR CONCERT.

IT'S FAKE, BUT IT'LL BUY US AN HOUR.

- WE EVEN HAVE A SECRET HAND SIGNAL

IN CASE WE THINK SHE NEEDS HELP.

IT'S LOOSELY BASED ON THE KLINGON GREETING SALUTE.

I JUST LEARNED THAT.

AND IF I HAD KNOWN, I WOULD NOT HAVE AGREED TO IT.

UH, HEY, LESLIE,

HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF SLIGHTLY CHANGING

A LOT OF BANNERS,

WE PAINT OUR TOENAILS TO LOOK LIKE PUMPKINS?

- FUN! ANN, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

YOUR BRAIN IS ALMOST AS PERFECT AS YOUR FACE.

HEY, RON, BABY,

WHAT ARE THE HOT DEETS ON BLOOSH?

- START OVER AND SPEAK DIFFERENTLY.

- SORRY. DID YOU CALL THAT P.R. GUY?

WHAT'S THE LATEST NEWS?

- APPARENTLY, JOAN CALLAMEZZO

WANTS ME TO GO ON PAWNEE TODAY

TO DISCUSS MY CHAIRS WITH THIS PORTER WOMAN.

I SAID NO.

- RON, YOU SAID IF THERE WAS SOMETHING YOU COULD DO

TO HELP ME, YOU WOULD.

GETTING IN BLOOSH IS MY LAST CHANCE

TO SAVE MY STORE.

YOU HAVE TO GO AND TAKE ME SO I CAN MEET HER.

PLEASE? - FINE.

IF IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO YOUR COMPANY, I'LL DO IT.

YES!

NOW, I KNOW HIGH-END, INTERNET-ONLY LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

REALLY ISN'T YOUR SCENE,

SO DONNA AND I WROTE UP SOME COCKTAIL BANTER

AND SOME CONVERSATION SNIPPETS

FOR YOU TO PRACTICE SO YOU CAN FIT IN.

- "ANNABEL, COULD I BE MORE JELS

"OF YOUR LOW-LIGHTS RIGHT NOW?

"I MEAN, O.M.SQUEE,

TALK ABOUT BANGS ENVY."

- OOF, YOU GOT A LONG WAY TO GO, SWANSON.

LET'S GO AGAIN, FROM THE TOP.

I REGRET EVERYTHING.

- BABE, YOU MADE IT. 00.

THANK GOD.

OKAY, EVERYONE, GREAT WORK, AS ALWAYS.

I'M GONNA STAY HERE AND JUST KIND OF WAIT

FOR THE RESULTS TO POUR IN.

THANK YOU. I'LL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW.

- WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. WE'RE STAYING WITH YOU.

- NO, REALLY, IT'S GONNA BE HOURS BEFORE THEY CALL IT.

WE'RE NOT LEAVING, WOMAN.

STOP TRYING TO GET RID OF US.

- YEAH, I MADE FRAPPUCCINOS FOR A LITTLE CAFFEINE BOOST,

AND LARRY WENT TO GET PIZZAS FOR EVERYONE.

- AW, THAT'S VERY SWEET, YOU GUYS.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HUNKER DOWN.

IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT.

TOO CLOSE TO CALL,

A REAL NAIL-BITER,

ANYBODY'S GAME--

THESE ARE THREE PHRASES YOU WON'T HEAR TONIGHT,

AS LESLIE KNOPE HAS BEEN VOTED OUT OF OFFICE.

WHAT WAS EXPECTED TO BE A CLOSE RACE...

- WHAT DID HE SAY? - HAS ACTUALLY BEEN

A NOT CLOSE RACE.

PAWNEE VOTERS HAVE DECISIVELY REMOVED LESLIE KNOPE...