The Simpsons

As we embark on the sacred task of choosing a new pontiff,

let the Holy Spirit guide us.

In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

The Doge of Venice sends his regards,

you papal stooge.

Choke on your own junk, Petrucci.

That'll teach you to exclude the Ecumenical Council,

you papist lapdogs.

Throat cut. Head chop. Taste it.

,.

Oh!

Where did you learn to talk like that?!

- Was it Selma? - Aw, honey,

we're just worried that this bloody, potty-mouthed game

- is turning your mind to... - To.

Oh, fine.

- Then can I play Future War: Death Guts? - No.

Brain Carnage?

No!

But then what do I play?

I have to play some game.

Of course you do.

Do you like your new game, sweetie?

- No. - Do you want to stop playing?

- No. - Perfect.

That's right in the video game sweet spot.

I found that blocky game on a moms' group.

It's an online world where you learn to help, share,

and get virtual stickers for celebrating our differences.

It's good for all ages,

so I'm also letting Maggie play.

Let me help you get set up.

I downloaded the instructions and... Oh.

I guess giving you that thing to shut you up at restaurants

really paid off.

And these bushy eyebrows

are the cherry on top of this hunk sundae. Uh-oh.

My nose is glitching.

Yeah, this stupid old computer is super glitchy.

Why is the flat screen so thick?

Is it also a microwave?

Look, I bought this mohawk with Bobux.

What the hell are Bobux?

It's the money you use in the game.

You buy it with your parents' credit card

so you can get skins, costumes, wigs,

even a dragon codpiece.

Ah, you're the only person on Earth

who looks lamer in a mohawk.

See if this rando will buy it.

"I'll sell it for one Bobux."

Booyah!

Well, that's weird.

You got the money, but you got another mohawk.

See if you can sell it again.

Another one.

Whoa, it's like printing money.

It's probably 'cause we're playing

on this crappy old computer.

Don't they have these same old Colecos

in the school computer lab?

They're even older and more crappy.

Then that glitch is gonna make us rich.

All we need to do is round up a bunch of nerds.

Nerds we got.

Wow, Maggie.

You really love this game, huh?

So involving. Hmm.

I'm gonna log in to see what's so fascinating.

Brought you some strawberries and bananas.

Oh, you like bananas but not strawberries.

Good to know. Wait!

You just talked! You're talking!

With tiny pictures! Do it again.

You hate broccoli.

Oh, my God, we're having our first conversation.

This is amazing.

I'm talking to my baby.

Thank you, screen time.

Skinner, your school's test scores made the paper.

- Hmm? - The Chinese press is using them as proof

of the decline of the American educational system.

Well, we did have all that lead in the water fountain pipes.

Oh, lead, lead, lead.

Everything's always lead with you.

This school is a train wreck.

I want those numbers up, Seymour.

Get me a PowerPoint presentation Monday.

I'll have it done by Sunday night.

Don't ruin my weekend.

Hmm.

Strange, the download rate is 87 megabytes per second.

We're paying for 91.

Better check the router.

Hmm?

Why aren't you students in class?

Um, we're playing Oregon Trail and no one's having a good time.

Hmm. I don't see any oxen with dysentery.

Milhouse, what's really going on here?

We found a video game glitch that makes money

and now Bart is the boss of a lucrative criminal enterprise!

You want strawberries or Nutella?

A crepe station?

Simpson, you are staring down the barrel

of a harshly-worded email to your parents.

That I will follow up on.

Seymour, walk with me.

Well, I do need 9,000 more steps.

I'm gonna be straight with you. We're printing money.

Yes, I saw Hubert's Rolex fidget-spinner.

Now, I know you'd never take any sketchy cash for yourself,

but what if we gave this train wreck of a school

a piece of the action?

I wish people would stop

calling this school a train wreck.

Everyone else sees Seymour Skinner

as a broken-down sad-sack never-was in a cheap suit,

but I see a broken-down sad-sack never-was in a cheap suit

with a vision for this school,

a vision he never dared tell anyone about.

I do have a vision... No, no, a desperate prayer...

That could save this school.

Tell me everything.

Aah!

I'm in.

Giving all these kids computer lab passes

for the rest of the term was a great idea.

Too bad we can't work after-school hours.

What if we say it's midnight basketball?

Ooh, Skinner, who knew you were such a devil?

Well, I learned from the best.

Or should I say, the worst?

So, how do you turn the game dollars into real dollars?

We use the Bobux to buy cucumbers

in the game Vegetable Crossing.

Then brine those into Pickle Pesos,

which convert ten-to-one in Delta miles,

then use those to buy Panda Express gift cards,

which you donate to Amnesty International,

then you can sell the tax credits

for cold, hard Danish kroner.

Now that we're finally talking,

there are so many things I've been dying

to chat with you about.

Like, what's your favorite animal?

Elephant!

And what do you want to be when you grow up?

An elephant doctor.

Aw!

You love me.

Oh, Maggie!

Uh, Marge, you're in this game world all the time now,

so I'm trying to dry my pants in the microwave.

Should I set it on "potato" or "popcorn"?

Homie, Maggie just said "I love you" to me.

I never thought I'd hear it for the first time

in a massively multiplayer online roleplaying game,

but I'll never forget it.

Wait, in this game Maggie can talk?

There's so many things I've wanted to ask a baby.

Why do you make eye contact when you poop?

Do you remember when I lost you at Home Depot?

Where do faces go during peekaboo?

Maggie heart doughnut man?

But I'm doughnut man!

She loves me. She loves me!

One of my three kids loves me!

Whee...!

Stupid art school.

We're gonna have gum-proof floors,

acoustics that make second graders

sound like sixth graders.

And the ceiling's gonna be so high,

our resident opera ghoul won't bump his head on the rafters.

Ouch!

Seymour, where on earth did you find the money for this?

Um, look at the parent donation thermometer.

Ah, well, the thermometer doesn't lie.

You wanted to see me, sir?

- We both wanted to see you. - Martin,

when you run a business, as we are,

you need a product and a market

and a workforce that isn't full of...

- Jive-ass snitches. - I'm sorry?

We've heard you're gonna sing to your parents about this...

victimless thing of ours.

I-I have signed a mutual honesty compact with them.

Oh, look, your report card.

Beautiful little A you've got here.

Would be a shame if something happened to it.

God, no!

You sick bastard.

Okay, okay. I'll keep your dirty video game secret.

Oh, man is wolf to man.

Skinner, are you feeling this?

I know it's insane, but we're like a team.

Working together, shared interests,

we're more than a team.

We're colleagues.

Would you like to put your feet up on my desk