The Wrong Girl

A few weeks back,

I might have proposed to Yvonne.

Yeah, and the worst part was waking up to discover

that I had partaken in a one night stand

with one of your friends.

See, I thought you left her.

It ended. What's the difference?

You were wiping food off each other's chins.

Hey, do you think you'll be able to come on the road with us,

- or is work too full-on? - On the road...?

Just some away shoots.

Nothing's been locked down yet, or anything.

Let's talk every day.

Okay. I love ya.

Mwah!

- Let's do this! - Yeah.

I love you, too.

Oh, no, it's revolutionary.

It's like Uber for people who don't have time to go to a salon.

And, all you need is this machine.

Basically, it's a pyramid scheme.

So, this is what you've been doing with your time?

Well, a girl needs a hobby.

Okay, I'm gonna set it to, um... to goddess.

But just natural, like the slightest tinge, Sim.

This one is, it's like a healthy tint.

Something that says, "So what, Jack,

"if you've been gallivanting around

"with your custard stuffing ex for the better half of the last..."

Four weeks.

"...four weeks.

"I've been outside, just living my life, getting into...

"tennis."

Tennis?! Jack has met her, he's not gonna believe that.

Actually, it's been fine.

The first week was all...

Blissful, blissful freedom.

Just plucking nipple hairs whenever you want.

And period undies.

And then, the second week, I came to realise

how much I'd come to rely on him.

So, we decided more contact was needed.

And that was great until the third week,

when we kept missing each other.

And then...

Fourth week!

What happens on the fourth week?

It's actually way better than I expected.

And, Mitch has always got food in the fridge.

Every night, he puts a glass of water beside my bedside table,

just to be thoughtful.

It's awesome.

Just you, your ex, her new partner,

and a baby.

- Living the dream. - Living the dream.

Living the dream.

Nothing, just more of the same.

The Wrong Girl 2x05 Sep 21, 2017

Okay, Erica and Nikkii are on Beauty Bar,

and then it's sign-offs,

and that's it.

- It's gonna be a good show, everyone. Will it?

Because I've just spent the last three hours

in a white wine frenzy,

convincing upstairs that we have a clue what we're doing.

Ooh, did they take you to Vue de monde?

Jeremy, be less of a dickhead.

So, do we have a clue what we're doing?

I would say, rarely.

Are they still worried about the three host situation?

Gee, what do you reckon?

Uh, Nikki needs to change her lipstick,

we're both wearing Lip Chick.

And I haven't had one minute. If it's an issue...

Lily, could we just get someone down here from the make-up department?

Girls, come on, hey!

Come on, you're both bigger than lipstick.

- I'm not a girl. - I'm not bigger.

Also, gird your loins, people,

because it's that time of year.

- Already? - But we just finished the last one.

Television's night of nights.

Now, secretly, people might like watching arseholes,

but they do not vote for arseholes.

And, right now, these three look like...

- Arseholes. - Get them in here.

Nobody is leaving until they are working together.

Are upstairs really that freaked out?

Look, Logie season isn't helping anxiety levels.

Yeah, Eric's won it for less.

And, this year, we're launching a proper campaign.

Do you want some water with that? I can...

And then, the... the details of this campaign?

Work in progress.

But in terms of tonight...

Look, everyone's been on 14-hour days,

and I think, for morale's sake, it would be really great...

What's going on with the shitty fake tan?

Were you planning on having sex tonight?

Jack's been away for a whole month

and we're still at the three times a week stage,

so, technically, that's 12 times overdue.

Interesting. Do you know when I last had sex?

- No. - No, neither do I.

We in trouble, Jeremy?

Feels like detention.

I wouldn't know.

Okay, Logie noms are fast approaching

and the powers that be want The Breakfast Bar

to be firing on all three cylinders.

Maybe we need to fire one of those cylinders.

I'm kidding.

- Eric. - I'm kidding. I'm so kidding.

- Not really... I am. - You're all brilliant.

But there's too much overlap.

You're muddying each other's bandwidth.

We need to find your individual brands, your unique voices.

And, when I was at Harvard...

Was that a short course?

...our professor had us do an exercise.

Where your goal intersects with your strength,

there lies our special spice.

And, that spice...

is our brand.

- How cool. - Mm.

That's really cool.

- It is cool. - But...

Let's all find our brands.

That's what I'm suggesting.

Hey!

Hey. Working late?

Ah, just waiting on notes from Jeremy.

- Show's going well, then? - Yeah, I think so.

- It's almost ready to pitch. - Great.

Hey, um, listen, the other night at your place...

- Yeah... just... - The whole thing was just...

Alice, hi.

So, I have wine, eggnog, turkey, ham, tomato and onion pie,

but if you guys wanna bring anything...

Sorry, uh, to...?

Vince's party.

He told you it's Christmas in July, yeah?

- Yep. Jack and I will be there. - Yep, me too.

Oh, don't bring pudding, I brought pudding.

I'm bringing pudding. Pudding.

- No, pudding. - Pudding!

You gotta be less weird about this.

The other night, we just passed out. It was harmless.

I mean, apart from the hearing damage I got from your snoring.

I'm not being weird with you.

You're being a bit weird.

- I'm not... - Guilt makes you weird.

I'm not guilty!

I'm... or at least, I won't be because I'm going to tell Jack.

Why wouldn't I? Obviously.

It was just a harmless pass out, like you said.

Uh, okay.

Lily, join us.

Okay, so, we've established

that Erica's goal is the Gold Logie, which is terrific.

And, her strength is conviction.

So, we think her spice is,

- your lesbian best friend. - Best friend.

Awesome. Now, we just need to translate that

into an actual segment, or a campaign idea.

Micro, Lily.

Try to think big picture!

Yeah, well, it's not awesome because my goal is Best Newcomer Logie

and I think my strength is "fabulous",

and so my spice is fun best friend.

No, you're fun flirty friend. You're, "Knickers-off Nikkii"!

No, she isn't.

No, you're the one they have to wanna bang.

'Cause no one would wanna bang a woman over 40.

Right? Am I right, Eric?

I would.

I'd love to make love to a 40-year-old woman.

Or a 70 year old woman. Any woman. All women.

Metaphorically speaking.

Reformed misogynist on quest for enlightenment?

- Yeah. - Yes.

I'm rebranding my spice from the inside out.

And... (STRUMS UKULELE)

- (CONTINUES SINGING) - Hey, Lily, could we just...? Eric!

Could we have a word, please?

The network has supported his Gold Logie bid for nine years.

Meanwhile, what am I? What, chopped liver?

No, I think it's better to focus on tomorrow's show

than external awards.

- Yeah, but... - Just... That's down the tracks.

Yes, but now he gets to be the rose between the thorns.

Being me and that...

everyone's favourite sex toy at the moment.

You're genuine, Erica,

and that is why you're loved and you are respected, okay?

Yes, but where's it got me, Lily?

Nowhere.

So... okay, now just stick with me.

I'm not going to be the lesbian friend.

I'm going to be