Superior Donuts

Hey, Arthur.

Here's your vendor packet for the Uptown Winter Festival.

Look, for the last time, I'm not doing your stupid festival.

Fine. I'll just put the port-a-potties

right in front of your store.

I don't care.

And the petting zoo.

That's fine with me.

And the Uptown Mime Troupe.

No, no! Not that.

All right, I'll do your stupid fair.

I hate those silent freaks.

Now, as president of the Uptown Business Council,

I just want to help out the merchants and have a little fun.

Excuse me.

Under my reign as president, we had all kinds of fun.

Yeah, I don't know what the neighborhood kids enjoyed more,

when you made them paint the side of your building,

or when you had them clean your gutters.

I'd say gutters.

Remember, I pulled out the ladder

and they thought they couldn't get down?

Oh, no.

The petting zoo guy just backed out.

He got a Renaissance fair.

Hmm, ye olde shaft job.

Well, lucky for you, I have an uncle that has a farm

out near DeKalb.

I could have him ship a few animals up here.

The goats are quite gentle, except for Doug.

He's the reason I have nine and a half toes.

Here it comes.

Yep. He bit off one and a half toes.

Because he had eleven.

Because I had eleven.

Thanks, Tush. You're a lifesaver.

If you're looking for music,

I know where you can find a dikka-dikka-DJ.

Tell you what, Sweatpants. If it gets down to the wire,

and I can't find anybody else,

and I get really, really desperate, you can do it.

Sweet. Being someone's last resort is my jam.

Oh, come on.

Are you kidding? I-I got a put up a booth?

Chill out. We can rent a tent.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna waste money on a tent.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got an old one that we can use down in the basement.

Run down there, get it.

No, I'm not going to your scary-ass basement, man.

You got rats and cobwebs

and nude photos from your honeymoon and...

It just... it looks like you're holding a porcupine on your lap.

You know, Arthur, between this festival

and that scary basement,

it sounds like you could use a little bit of help this week,

and my son happens to be in the market for some temporary work.

Is this the one who got kicked out of college?

He wasn't kicked out.

He took a semester off to find himself.

Five semesters ago.

You know, Fawz, maybe he's just not cut out for college.

Bite your tongue, goat herder.

I came to this country

so my children could have better lives.

Abdullah is gonna get an education and become a banker.

Or maybe he'll go into real estate with me.

He could be the Eric Trump to my Donald.

Listen, he won't accomplish

any of this unless he learns the value of hard work.

Why don't you just give him a job at your dry cleaners?

Oh, no, those chemicals are toxic.

I would never let someone I love work there.

Didn't you hire your mother-in-law?

Yes, she works a double shift.

I'm sorry, Fawz, I'm not gonna hire some kid whose father says

he's shiftless, aimless and lazy.

I'll pay his salary.

This will be his apron.

Thank you, Arthur.

Franco, you're gonna be a good influence on my son.

You're focused, dedicated and you have an amazing work ethic.

For a black guy?

No.

For any minority.

Seriously, Franco, you are working and going to college.

You are gonna be a good role model for him.

All right, well, hey, just know,

college ain't for everybody, okay?

But be pretty cool to take on a little apprentice.

You know? Teach him the value of hard work.

Make him go down in that basement.

What? That-that never crossed my mind. I don't...

All right, Fawz, he can start tomorrow.

Don't make me regret this.

Oh, it's only gonna be a week. How bad could it be?

That's exactly what I said to my uncle

when he asked me to watch Doug, and now...

All his left shoes are loose.

...all my left shoes are loose.

Arthur, allow me to introduce my son,

Abdullah Farooq Al-Shahrani.

I'll just call you Scott.

My friends call me Abe.

Eh, whatever.

- Hey. - Hi.

Remember what we talked about, eye contact.

No slouching. And smile.

Too big. Too small.

Just right.

Okay, Dad, you can leave now. I'm gonna be fine.

Uh, yes, yes, of course.

Um, you're on your own. Uh, have a great day at work.

Tell me how he's doing. I don't want to hover.

- What up? I'm Franco, man. - What's up?

Yeah, he's gonna show you the ropes around here.

It's not as easy as it looks.

Someone gives you money, you give them a donut.

If they don't give you money, you do not give them a donut.

Well, thank you for reducing my life's work to two sentences.

You're welcome.

Hey there, Abe.

I'm Tush.

I'm sure Papa Bear told you all about me.

He's real?

I thought you, like, made him up as a cautionary tale.

Did you really live in a van under a bridge?

I did live in a van. I did live under a bridge.

But not at the same time.

So it's not nearly as sad.

Hi, I'm Randy.

I'm female, so your father's probably never told you

- anything about me. - Not true.

He can't stop talking about the beautiful young food truck lady.

Oh!

Well, I-I don't know about the food truck part,

but, uh, thanks.

Okay, Abe. Come on, let's get you started.

Mop the kitchen floor.

That's right.

Teach him what hard work is all about.

Ha, ha.

Then it's back to college, MBA, trophy wife, lake house,

beach house, massive heart attack, die happy!

Fawz, do you realize that people can be happy

without making a lot of money?

Uh, no.

In my country, I had nothing, I was miserable.

I came to this country, I was successful, and now I'm happy!

That's what I want for my son.

- (loud clattering) - Hey! What the hell?

Franco, get in there. It could be a teachable moment.

You knocked down the mixing bowl.

Oh, sorry. I was just into my music.

I see. All right.

Okay, so you-you're just gonna mop dry? All right.

Okay, uh...

Where's the water and soap?

Is that part of this?

Man, give me that.

Maybe minimize on all the distractions

until you get the hang of it.

What you listening to?

Oh, just, um, a track that I made.

Really? You make beats?

- Yeah. - Let me see.

Oh!

Oh, damn!

Yo!

: This...

This is fire!

Oh. Oh.

I can see how that happened.

Yo, this is pretty good.

You ever think about being a DJ?

It's all I ever think about, ever since I was a kid.

But that'll never fly with my dad.

He's got his own plan for me.

I heard.

I'm supposed to be in here trying to get you to go

back to school and have a heart attack, but...

Which reminds me.

Damn it, Abdullah, go back to college!

Don't go back to college.

You know, listen, parents don't know everything.

If I listened to my dad, I wouldn't be an artist.

You're an artist?

Yeah. My dad didn't think I had what it takes.

Didn't think I would make it. "You can't make art, Franco.

You can't even make rent."

Look at me now.

Look at me.

Look... not the mop and bucket.

Yo, I'd love to be a DJ.

But where do I start?

You know, one of my friends is DJing at Public Domain tonight.

We can pop by there, and after a set,

he can give you some advice.

Oh, cool.

You know what? Drinks are on me.