Little Mosque on the Prairie

- You look kind of tired. - Oh, yeah, it's crazy at work right now.

Ah. Well, if we ever do get married, that won't be a problem anymore.

And why is that?

Well, as a devout Muslim, no wife of mine's going to work.

I'm sorry, I thought you understood that.

- Um... - Classic! I wish I had a camera.

Oh, why? So you'd have a picture of me killing you?

Oh now, need I remind you that under Islamic dating rules,

- you can't touch me? - True.

But this can.

Suddenly, you don't look so tired anymore.

Season 2 Episode 19 Islam on Tap

Darling, darling! I have some very exciting news.

I just got off the phone with J.J.'s dad.

He suggested, now that we could be in-laws...

that I go and work for him in Dubai!

- We're going to Dubai? - No, just me!

What?

It's just for a couple of weeks.

He needs a temporary crew manager, to work on the world's tallest building.

You can't just pick up and go to Dubai. What about all your work here?

This is how much he's going to pay me.

I'll go get your suitcase.

So how do you think this whole thing is going?

How do you think this whole thing is going?

I feel like... like this is working.

But how should I know? I've never really dated before, so...

Really? Your parents never tried to set you up on anything like this before?

Well... my dad was always busy with work,

and I was busy with engineering school, so...

- Plus you had that haircut. - True.

- And those glasses! So geeky! - Okay...

Oh, and those pants.

- Bad pants, J.J. Bad, bad pants. - All right, all right.

- Sorry, we couldn't all be cool like you. - Well, I don't know if I was cool.

But, uh, before I became devout, I may have gone on a couple of dates.

- Oh, really? Wh-what kind of dates? - Oh, the library, ice cream...

Well, there you go. A couple of dates. You're pretty experienced.

Huh...

There you go.

So what happened at the library?

- It was a long time ago. - You're right.

- It doesn't matter. - Yeah.

- No. - But what happened there?

Don't make me stick this fork in your trachea again, J.J.

I'll come back.

- Hey, Sarah! - Oh, hi.

You want to help out with the animal shelter fundraiser?

Oh, I don't think I can handle another bake sale.

Oh no, this year it's a talent show.

- Oh! - Come on, sign up.

- We need people to audition. - Okay.

- You just passed the audition. - What, I just had to sign my name?

- And sell ten tickets. - Oh, I see. It's a pyramid scheme.

It's a charity... pyramid scheme.

What's going on?

I have a...

"Have a nice trip to Dubai" card for Yasir. I want everybody to sign it.

Oh! Y... ye... who else has signed it?

You're the first.

Oh no, no, no. I-I can't be the first to sign it. All that...

all that vast, empty space to stake your claim.

I'm sure you'll manage.

When the gold rush came, look what happened to the first person who showed up there.

He found gold. That's why there was a gold rush.

Okay, bad example. Just get some other people to sign it first.

Come on, just sign the card.

I got a glitter pen!

In the words of St. Thomas Aquinas...

"No".

When did he say that?

Probably when someone asked him to sign a card.

There's a charity talent show at the community centre.

Ugh, sounds terrible.

I'm going to be in it.

It will be a magical evening, darling.

- And you'll be... - I'm tap dancing.

You tap dance?

Well, it's been a while.

But I took lessons as a kid, and I don't think the steps have changed.

But you've changed. You're a Muslim now.

- I'm not allowed to tap dance? - Islamically speaking,

dancing in front of the opposite sex is provocative.

I didn't say lap dancing. I said tap dancing.

But you'll be on a stage in front of men...

Tap dancing.

- But it's... - Tap dancing.

- I just think that... - Tap dancing!

Dad?

It's a curse, darling.

You could make walking to the store look provocative.

- I'm not allowed to walk to the store? - You can't tap dance to the store.

Look, I'm a hoofer. It's one thing a hoofer does, is hoof.

Yes, I'm a Muslim. But I'm following my heart here.

And how many tickets can I put you down for? Hmm?

- Can I ask a question? - Mm-hmm?

- Does hoofing mean dancing? - It's hoofing. And yes.

Thank you.

Oh! Hey, Baber,

how would you like to see a member of the mosque tap dancing in a charity talent show?

A man dancing in front of other men only? That sounds so permissible!

Uh, no, it's me. Tap dancing in front of a mixed crowd.

- What? Out of the question. - How about you, Layla?

And see you make a lewd display of yourself? What kind of example is that?

Another innocent youth lost to the dangerous world of hard-core tap.

You see? You're turning her into a smart aleck.

- She's always been like that. No offence. - Eh.

No tickets! Go peddle your filth somewhere else. Shoo!

But it... it's hoofing! I'm a hoofer! Hoofer means dancing!

Oh hey, look: Ice cream.

You want a cone?

- Oh, I don't know. - You still like ice cream, don't you?

Why?

Oh! Because I went for ice cream with that guy in high school?

Oh, please! I'd already forgotten you'd had an ice cream date with that guy

and then you went to the library with him

or maybe it was possibly a different guy.

- Who knows. - Glad to see you're all right with it.

I got a "have a nice trip" card for Yasir and I want you to be the first to sign it.

First? The death slot? Ho-ho, no way. You go first.

Mm-mm. Fine.

"Dubai-bye. Amaar." Dubai-bye?

- It's a joke. - Barely.

Just sign.

What are you doing about Sarah Hamoudi?

Flaunting herself in front of the whole town.

The talent show?

This is really a grey area, Baber.

- I think you're overreacting. - If anything, I am under-reacting!

Dancing in front of the opposite sex leads to lust.

It's tap dancing. Least sexy of all the dance genres.

Throw in a barbershop quartet and you completely kill the mood.

Women dancing in public is never tolerable.

"Brother Yasir, nobody deserves this opportunity more than you."

"It's an honour to have you as a friend. Baber."

Now I'm kind of embarrassed about Dubai-bye.

See why it's called the death slot?

You took us this way on purpose so we'd pass by the ice cream place.

Is that so terrible?

Are you going to take us to the library next?

- Well... not now, I'm not. - You're competing with my history.

I'm sorry. I...

I just got a bit jealous about your story about you and johnny ice-cream-face.

- His name's Merl. - Is... oh, that makes it so much worse.

It was the '90s. Everybody was having ice cream.

- It was just part of the times. - No, I-I-I'm sorry. I'm just being stupid.

Not stupid. Just insecure. A little ignorant.

Stupid was a good word.

Layla, what are you watching?

You know I don't like that program where the men and women sit so close together.

That's the news, dad. And it's not what I'm watching.

So what are you watching?

Okay, remember when you were talking to Mrs. Hamoudi and you said that...

that dancing in front of the opposite sex is not allowed?

Yes.

Then how do you explain this little display at uncle Raheel's wedding?

I didn't know there was a camera.

- Oh... yes. - Uh.

Layla, this is, uh, very difficult to explain.

- How the... - It's even more difficult to watch.

Shouldn't you apologize to Mrs. Hamoudi?

Darling, it's complicated.

- The rules are... - That you're allowed to dance in public,

- but not her. - I'll talk to her tomorrow.

It'd be a shame if this DVD ended up on the Internet tonight.

I'm going now.

Duncan!

It's time.

Oh, there's that card you keep bringing me.

You're not the first, Baber and I already signed it.

Okay... I'm not ready yet.

Tut-tut-tut... it's not skydiving. Just sign the card.

Amaar, I'm very nervous about signing cards.

I'm a clergyman. People expect me to be all inspiring.

You know how it is.

Maybe you don't know how it is.

"Dubai-bye"?

People like jokes. Why can't I put a joke down?

Amaar, this isn't some sermon that just disappears into thin air.

This is written down.

I guess I could've put down a full sentence.

Maybe when he reads the card, he'll have his thumb over your part.

You're packing for Dubai now? You don't leave for a week.

You wouldn't know this about me, but I am a master packer.

And I'm about to pull off my greatest feat yet.

- Two weeks, one carry-on. - This aeroplane doesn't have a cargo hold?

The year was 1987. I arrive at my destination.

And I wait. No bag.

I wait some more. No bag.

They lost your luggage.