Protein

What brings you down this way, then?

I've been away for a while.

-Working? -Army.

Good lad. Welcome home.

Where are you staying?

I dunno yet. I'll find somewhere.

I've got some sandwiches there, if you want 'em, like.

Cheese and ham. Went to the cafe at lunchtime.

Don't tell the missus, mind.

Supposed to be saving.

Having another baby, see.

Didn't plan this one. Got two already.

Got arseholed at a quiz-night and wallop!

But there we are.

You enjoying them, then?

Yeah.

You fill your boots.

Oi!

Here we are, with my little platoon of gayboys!

Oh, look, and here's the biggest fucking gayboy of the lot.

Say hello, gayboy!

Come on, smile, gayboy!

Can I help you, love?

How much is it?

It's four quid a day, ten quid a week.

20 quid for the month.

Bloody hell! You empty your piggy bank?

Right, go on. You can owe me the rest.

Two. Three.

- Keep it straight. - Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven!

Eight! Yes!

Shut up, Kevin, man!

Fuck's sake!

I don't need both of you, all right?

Switch it, come on.

Switch it!

Lift it.

Too fucking heavy for you?

You fucking pussy! Lift it!

Come on!

Come on.

Fucking mug!

Hey! Excuse me?

I was just thinking,

if you're that skint, like, you could do a few hours here.

Just some cleaning and stuff, if it helps you out.

Yeah, okay.

Good. Well, come down tomorrow about seven,

I'll get you started.

What's your name?

Sean.

Right. See you tomorrow, then, Sean.

In you go.

- All right, l-l-ladies. - Hello.

-Hi, Dwayne! -Have a nice night, girls.

Just mention my name. Stop. Stop.

Follow me, boys. Give me a minute.

Two minutes, lads.

Gentlemen! Come in, come in. Sit down.

Sit down.

How's business? You busy?

-Yes. Very. -Good. Good.

How's Alexis? I never see him.

He's also very busy.

Well, I know that. We're keeping him busy.

Keeping each other busy.

Let's get to it.

That is for...

you.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Manners! This is the good stuff.

None of that street shit.

Yeah. Eh?

Get that down you. Nice.

One for me.

Why not?

Oh, yeah!

We're good? Yeah?

Great.

Cheers, gents.

See you soon, yeah?

Tell Gavin I need him up here.

Is there a problem?

No.

Well, go on, then. Off you fuck.

Oi!

Hey!

You work for me. Remember?

Who I work with is no concern of yours,

so if you don't like it, you can fuck off.

Yeah?

You think that's going to end well?

Know your place.

How come I haven't seen you around here before, then?

- Been away. - Where you been?

Army.

Shit. A real man, then.

Not like the pricks around here.

Where to?

Afghanistan.

Then hospital for a bit, then...

working around the south east of England.

London, Kent, you know.

Were you hurt?

You don't have to answer that. It's none of my business.

Well, if you ever want to talk about it...

A problem shared and all that.

But you don't have to, obviously.

Right, I better get on.

Do you want to come back tomorrow?

Yeah. Okay.

See you tomorrow, then. Same time.

I'm going to train triceps tomorrow.

-Yeah. -A few dips like you.

-Bench dip's easy. -Smash it.

-Yes, I know! -Yeah.

Smash it.

Look at him.

Good form. He's gonna snap!

Oh, he's fallen, boys!

He's gone, boys!

-Oh, no, what a shame! -Aww.

-Aw, want me to call your mum? -Yeah, call your mum!

Go on. Hooray!

Hold that.

Oh, I would fucking ruin that arse!

Oh-ho!

What was that?

What was what?

-What did you just say? -I didn't say anything.

Well, I got rules about shit like that.

Ooh, I'm scared, ooh!

Watch your fucking mouth. You can't speak to me

-like that where I work, okay? -Is that right?

Yeah, it is right.

Shut up man! Cheeky fucking...!

What the...?

Mad.

Oh, fuck. I left my keys inside. I'll catch you up.

You don't fucking ever get to talk to me like that again!

Do you understand?! Yes?!

-I'm sorry! -Good!

Fucking stupid bitch!

It's nothing, okay? Just leave it.

Are you sure you got the right p-place?

I swear to God, I will shoot you in the fucking nose

if you don't stop moaning! He'll be here, right?

I thought you said no guns, like, I haven't got a gun!

I got a gun, because I bought a gun.

You want a gun, you go and buy a fucking gun.

Have you got a gun?

No, of course I haven't got a fucking gun.

Nik, have you got a gun?

You don't know how to use a gun.

Yes, I do.

Where did you learn how to use a gun?

Fucking... paintball!

At least if it goes tits, you'll be able to paint your way out.

It's not going to go tits!

Stop going on about it, fucking hell!

What type of gun is it?

Shut up!

Fuck's sake!

See? You've made everybody all fucking jumpy now.

Well, go on, then.

Why me? Why not you?

'Cause the boss always stays in the fucking car.

To be fair, that is true.

Go on, Kev, man! Nothing to worry about,

it's only a courier. Go on!

Oh, fine! I'll do it.

Shut up. Let him go.

Come on. Go on!

Anybody doing anything later?

No.

Gary?

Gary.

No.

Yes, fucking good lad! Well done!

Protein powder, see? Fucking my idea.

-What are you doing? -Got to test it, haven't I?

Could be a fucking tub of baby powder, for all I know.

Let Tim test it. He's the chemist.

He's got test tubes and shit.

Don't need a fucking test tube, I've got my hooter.

What's it like?

It's pure as the driven snow, man.

- Can I have some? - Fuck off.

Come on now, wrap it up.

Chill out, man, fucking hell.

Right, come on. We're keeping this at yours, by the way.

W-What if my mum finds it?

Don't put it in the fucking biscuit tin and she won't!

Stick it under your bed

and forget about it for a few days, right?

How come I get all the sh-shit jobs, like?