Ma and Pa Kettle Go to Town

Popcorn!

Pancake flour.

Didn't do much good winnin' the new house, Ma. How's that?

Three bathrooms and I still can't get in.

You got to expect that when you got 15 kids.

We should have had less kids and more bathrooms.

Wash up afteryou finish milkin' the cow.

All right, Ma.

Hi, Bossie.

JJ_'[ Radio, “Tlger Rag“]

Wrong station.

It's 6:15, and KMAF, the farmer's station...

presents “Music to Milk By.“

Science has proved that the relaxed cow gives more milk.

Here's a musical medley to give your cow that contented feeling.

£3

Here's a letter for you...

from the Bubble-Ola Company.

Must be about my winning that free trip to New York.

Go ahead and open it.

All right, if you're sure you don't mind.

“Dear Mr. Kettle: Confirming our telegram of the 16th,

“enclosed are your rail road tickets to New York.

“A reservation has been made for you at the Waldorf-Astoria.

“Congratulations again...

“on winning the big Bubble-Ola letter contest.

“Your envy on Why! Like Bubble-Ola...

“was a sincere and magnificent tribute to our product.

“I'm looking forward to meeting you and your charming wife personally.

“Very truly yours, 1.]. Schumacher,

“Vice Pres.

“RS. On rereading your flattering letter,

“the stockholders voted to send you an additional prize:

“a ten-year supply of Bubble-Ola...

for each and every member of your family.“

A ten-year supply!

I don't know what we're gonna do with the stuff. 'Tain't fit for drinkin'.

Wonder what it is good for. Don 't rightly/mow

Was gonna write and tell 'em how bad it was...

but I found out they don't give prizes for that.

Too bad we can't take that trip.

How's that? Can't go?

Ain't nobody'll stay with the kids.

I tried to tell 'em they ain't really wild... just growin'.

Now, Ma, ain't no need to apologize for our kids.

All 15 are chips off the old block.

Any more chips, there won't be any more old block.

Sure would have had a whoop-de-doo in New York.

Could've seen Tom and Kim too.

What's it say, Ma?

Beginning tonight, they're gonna stop ringin' the 9:00 curfew bell.

'Bout time!

I always said it was wakin' up too many people.

Hmm. They haven't caught that bank robber, Shotgun Munger,

who stole $100,000. You don't say?

They think he's headin' out this way.

Got all the roads blocked.

Oughta put up a towel rack, Ma.

Ain't nobody stoppin' ya.

Well... maybe after breakfast.

I'll have to go up to the old house and get some tools.

Sure would like to have seen New York. Sit down, Pa.

Breakfast!

[Children Chattering, Shouting]

Much obliged.

Hold it!

P.S. If you can see your way clear for Ma and me to take the trip,

much obliged again.

There you are.

All right. I'll go get the milk.

Pa, why are you puttin' ketchup on your cakes?

It comes out easier.

Anybody home? Anybody home?

Hey'.!

Shoo. Shoo!

Ahh.

Ahh.

Howdy.

Who are you?

Pa Kettle.

What's your game?

I don't mind checkers now and then if the stakes ain't too high.

Cut it! What do you want?

Excuse me for disturbing you,

but I own this house and-- Oh.

I was taking a nap. I've been driving all night and I've got a flat.

I figured you saw the sign and wanted to rent the place.

Rent this? Let me show you around.

It's very livable.

Yeah, if you happen to be a cockroach.

You can see for yourself it's airy,

roomy, mighty comfortable.

Make yourself to home.

You must be hungry, Mr.-

Uh,jones.

What brings you up our way, Mnjones?

Well, you see, I'm a, uh--

I'm a... apoet.

I came up here to get away from it all. A poet?

I thought you might be a traveling salesman.

Lot of them visit farms, you know.

I heard stories about that.

What kind of poetry you write?

Well, the regular kind. Oh.

Like what? 'jackandjill went up a hill--“

That's a mighty well-known poem. You write that?

To be honest, on that poem I had to cut another guy in.

Oh. Well, there ain't nothing to eat here.

Come down to the new place and Ma'll fix something for ya.

No, no time. I'm headin' up north,

someplace where I can hide out.

And write.

I need peace and quiet.

Plenty of peace and quiet around here.

Where you from? New York.

I won a free trip to New York, but I can't go.

You see, I-- I got a tire that needs changin'.

Lemme give you a hand.

I got a son in New York, Tom Kettle.

Maybe you heard of him?

There's eight million people in New York, Pop. It's Pa.

Sure would like to go to New York. I ain't stoppin' ya.

Can't. Got nobody to watch the kids. That's too bad.

What's the name of this town, Pop? It's Pa.

This here's Cape Flattery.

How far are you from a city? Seattle?

That's a hundred miles away.

Not bad.

I was thinkin' ofwritin' a poem about a small town. This may be the place.

Tell me about the... the birds,

the trees, the grass, the police department.

Got much of a police department? just a sheriff.

Course he only works part time.

I think I know how you can go to New York, Pop. it's Pa.

I'll stay at your house, write me poetry and watch the kids.

You can go to New York with Mom. It's Ma.

Oh, the kids'll bother you. Nah, I love kids.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a perfect setup,

Pa.

Thanks, son.

I don't like it.

How can we leave our kids in the hands of a stranger?

How can we leave a stranger in the hands ofour kids?

It's him or nobody, Ma. We don't know a thing about this Mnjones.

Well, I'm a pretty good judge of character,

and that boy has an honest face if ever I saw one.

Take another look.

All he needs is a shave.

Take a lawn mower to shave him.

What's his business? He's a poet.

A Poet!

An honest to goodness poet stayin' at my house!

Why didn't you say so?

I'm Ma, Mnjones.

A pleasure, madam. You're even prettier than your picture.

That's Kim, my daughter-in-law.

You could fool me anytime!

Pa says you're a poet.

Why, I, uh-- I dabble at it.

I don't know much about poetry, but I used to recite a poem for the kids.

I don't know whether I remember it or not. Well, go on, try.

“Tom, Torn, the piper's son stole a pig and away he run.”

Took it on the lam? No, Mary had the lamb. This was a pig.

Now, where did he go? Up the river?

No, it wasn't up any river.

Maybe he went to the rock.

No, it wasn't any rock. Oh, I know.

“The pig was eat and Tom was beat.

And Tom went marching down the street.“

Gee, I like that. I'm glad you do.

It's got a moral: “Crime don't pay.“

Now, get this, Louie. They're leaving for New York tomorrow.

I'm givin' them the bag with the hundred Gs in it.

Don't worry, they're square.

Hold on, Louie.

I have your monthly quota of Bubble-Ola. Bring it in.

Where'll I put it? Right here. Anywhere's all right.

They check into the Waldorf on Saturday.

With their kissers, nobody'll suspect they're carrying the stuff.

Shotgun, ain't this risky? They may be smarter than they look.

They'd have to be.

I'm sending a snapshot so you'll recognize them.

We gotta take this chance.

New York is the only place we can shove the hot money.

Suppose Kettle opens the bag. Then what?

He won't. I'm a good judge of character,

and this ol' boy has an honest face if I've ever seen one.

Call me the minute you get the bag. Ow!

What happened?

What a collection of brats!

These people are raising their own reform school. Now, Louie--

You--

Howdy!

Run along and play, little one.

I'd sooner drink D.D.T.

So, good-bye, dear brother Louie.

And don't forget to take me poetry books back to the library.

Huh?

Well, they're overdue and it ain't nice...

to keep things that don't belong to us.