LA to Vegas

Hey, thanks for coming early.

We are in crisis mode.

Dave is fresh off his breakup with Patricia,

and post-breakup Dave is the worst Dave there is.

I thought "Hold the phone."

"You've never heard of Fleetwood Mac" Dave

was the worst Dave.

No, "I'm not a racist, but..." Dave is the worst Dave.

I'm not a particular fan

of "You were in my dream last night" Dave.

The only Dave I don't like is Dave Matthews.

It's like, "Ugh, finish the song."

What's in the bag?

Stuff to help him through this.

He's gonna be a mess, and it's up to us to get him

back on his feet. Colin, you give him those.

- Dave loves... - Oh, these are disgusting.

To smell them. They're decorative soaps.

And this is Unlikely Animal Friends,

a photo book of interspecies animals cuddling

to restore his faith in love.

Oh, I have similar book,

but it's a cookbook.

Nichole,

here are giant sunglasses

so Dave can hide his puffy eyes from all the crying.

What am I giving him?

You just have to pretend to care.

Ronnie, it's not called "pretend"

when you're classically trained.

It's called "technique."

Oh! Okay, uh, here he comes.

Everybody get ready.

Hey, nerds. What are we smiling at?

David, I know this breakup was tough.

But I'm here for you.

When you hurt, I hurt.

Guys, I appreciate it,

but the breakup is already behind me.

I'm really okay.

See you on board.

Wow.

I did not expect him to bounce back so quickly.

Do we really think he's okay?

Who cares? I just left it all out on the stage,

and for what? A pat on the back and "see you on board"?

What a waste of a brave performance.

I'll be in my dressing room.

He has a dressing room?

Oh, that's what he calls every bathroom he goes into.

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Nichole,

I need to talk to you about something,

and I haven't told anyone yet.

It's okay. I saw you sneeze into a pillow

and give it to that guy. We all have hard days at work.

Oh, no, that was intentional. He told me I looked tired.

Rude.

So, Bryan asked me to move in with him.

Oh, my God, that's so great.

I mean, I get that offer all the time,

but I'm not about to break up Dirk Nowitzki's marriage.

Our lives are different.

Look, I've never lived with anyone.

How do I know if I'm even ready?

This is a huge decision, and I'm gonna see him this weekend.

I have to tell him something.

Okay, I get it. This is big.

How do you normally make big life decisions?

- Quickly and panicked. - How's that working out for you?

Not great. You want to buy a moped?

First thing you need to do is make a pro/con list.

I do them for just about everything.

"Should I dye my hair blonde?

"Should I quit social media?

Should I run for senate?"

- Ow! - Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want to help me with the drink service,

or stay here and play grab-ass with your little friend?

Artem, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.

Oh, the fake English accent?

Just drop it.

We like you for you, man.

No, this L.A. to Vegas commute.

It's killing me.

I don't understand the allure of this city.

There's something for everybody in Vegas.

And if you are put in the right situation,

you would realize there's more Vegas in you

than you ever imagined.

I think it's fair to say there's not an ounce of Vegas

in me right now.

Oh, yes, there is.

I see it so clearly now,

as I can see how you're gonna die.

Natural causes.

I'm really proud of how you're handling this breakup, Dave.

You're my hero.

Thanks, Alan. I'm my hero, too.

You know, there's a term for my evolution.

It's called "emotional growth."

I'm at a point in my life where I give myself permission

to feel what I'm feeling and just let it go.

If you started a cult, I would leave mine and join yours.

Don't leave your cult for me.

You love Weight Watchers.

Okay, so what are we plugging today?

Hey there, folks, Captain Dave here.

You smell that?

That's love in the air.

And if you're feeling ready to make

that special relationship official,

head on down to Wed-Locked,

Vegas' first escape room... slash...

wedding chapel.

Oh, God.

Folks, I'm gonna go off-script here

and get real with you.

You know, I used to believe in love.

Then, I realized love sucks.

It's a total waste of time.

I'm done with it.

Artem, I need that book.

Done.

- I don't need love anymore. - Come on, Dave, let me in.

Lots of people don't have love, and they're doing great.

Like my friend Colin.

The pale gentleman in the tweed jacket.

He has the air of a widower, but really, he's just divorced.

Hey, Colin,

let's you and me disappear into the woods

and live off the land, sustaining ourselves

on our shared hatred of romance.

Look at this one, Dave.

It's a German Shepherd and a baby owl.

He should be eating him, but they're touching noses.

So, to sum it all up, folks, I hate love.

I don't need it, and neither does Colin.

- Right, Colin? - Right.

Just to be clear, Captain Dave and I

are on very different emotional paths.

I'm not that lonely, I just like to read books.

Ay, Papi. - Come on, mate.

What the hell was that, Dave?

That was a punch in the face called "truth."

And your first taste of the new me.

It might get bitter.

Yeah?

That's it.

So it looks like our flight to L.A. is going to be delayed.

Apparently, there's a warning light on in the cockpit

they need to check out.

Do you know anything about this, Dave?

- Why wasn't I enough? -

- Warning. Warning.

Nope.

Look, I know you're hurting right now,

but you've got to pull it together.

You have a job to do,

so while they're fixing this warning light,

why don't you go blow off some steam and get your head right?

I'm gonna go to Hudson News

and tip over a rack of Nora Roberts novels.

If I can't have romance, no one can.

Bernard.

I should have known you were behind this delay.

Caroline, I knew I caught a waft of soup breath and eczema cream.

Listen, you sour-faced Contempo Casuals mannequin come to life,

the gate agents are not taking the fall for this mess

because you two screwed up.

You look like a moray eel with a wig.

You look like a Snapchat filter called "Ugly Tyrese."

O-Okay, guys, let's not do this again.

Come on, we're all in it together.

The plane will be fixed soon, so UNTIL THEN: Hands in, go team.

Know this, Bernard.

I'm going to get you.

And your little dog, too.

Why does she hate us so much?

It's probably because I slept with her boyfriend.

I didn't want to, but I could, so I did.

Oh, hey.

Look what the Kat Dennings dragged in.

What are you still doing here?

It seems my ex took my son to Phoenix

to visit her mum without telling me.

So, apparently, I just flew to Vegas to use an airport toilet.

What are you still doing here?

I'm gonna get a ride as soon as Serge pricing goes down.

How about now, Serge?

Mm-mm.

Hey, Captain Dave.

The sadness that is usually on the inside

is now on outside.

Ronnie said that the flight is delayed

and I should blow off some steam,

but I don't know how to do it.

Everything reminds me of Patricia, even you guys.

Artem, your long, beautiful hair.