Desperate Housewives

The first thing Lila Dash thought about

that fateful morning was her husband Dave.

It occurred to her she should buy him a new tie.

She thought of her husband again that afternoon...

and decided she would make him something special for dinner.

That evening, Lila once again thought about her husband...

and she asked herself what she had done

to deserve someone

so wonderful.

Hey, you. What are you thinking about?

Nothin'.

So what do you say we all go out for ice cream?

Oh, I'd love to, but I brought work home.

Again?

I know. I'm so boring.

Hey, why don't you two go?

No. We'll all go tomorrow.

Now how can you make this face wait a whole day for ice cream?

Look sad.

Yeah. - Oh!

Oh, fine.

I'll take her now.

Come on, sweetie.

Hey, how about tomorrow night,

I'll leave my briefcase at the office,

and we do something special, just the three of us?

It's a date.

But there would be no tomorrows for Lila and Paige Dash...

because that was the night they crashed...

into Susan and Mike Delfino.

The last thing Lila Dash thought about before she died

was her husband Dave.

She wondered what her death would do to him.

Luckily for Lila,

she would never know.

There was a wedding recently

At Fairview Presbyterian Church.

The minister spoke about the nature of marriage

and then said what all ministers say

to conclude such matters.

You may now kiss the bride.

It was then the church bells began to ring,

telling brides-to-be everywhere

their turn was next.

Hello, groom.

Guess what?

I called the hotel to tell them we were getting married.

They promised to upgrade us to a suite

and have champagne on ice.

Isn't that terrific? - Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

Wow, I hope you can muster up a little more enthusiasm

for the "I dos."

I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about Susan and M.J.

Why?

Well, when they left, I just got a weird vibe from Dave.

Dave always gives off a weird vibe. That's just Dave.

No, I-I think I should call 'em.

Or maybe you should get our bags in the car

so we don't miss our flight? Because if we miss our flight,

we're going to miss our wedding day,

and if we miss our wedding day,

we're gonna miss our wedding night.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm probably worried about nothing. I'll load the car.

Uh, we need to stop at the store.

I have to get videotape for the camera. - Oh, I got some old ones in the desk.

Just grab one. We'll record over it.

She's two blocks away. She'll be here any second.

Great.

Are you nervous?

Why would I be nervous?

Well, you're about to have a teenager in the house.

Well, I didn't say I wasn't sedated.

Yeah, I'm a little freaked out, too.

But we're doing the right thing.

Yeah, when I think about everything

That little girl's been through...

Her dad walked out, her mother's in jail,

the way she bounced from relative to relative--

I just want this to be the end of the line for her.

Me, too.

Mommy, here comes the taxi!

I wonder if she'll even remember me.

Oh, I doubt it. You haven't seen her since she was 6.

Yeah, and when she was little, I used to spend a lot of time

with her and her dad before he left.

I remember taking her on the swings at the park.

I remember buying her ice cream.

I remember giving her piggyback rides. - Ohh.

I don't remember that.

You told him about the divorce? - I had to. He found the storage unit.

He wanted an explanation.

I was in such a state of shock,

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Bree, this isn't good. - You have no idea.

Now he's saying if I try to divorce him,

he can go to the police and report me.

Report you? For what? - Filing a false insurance claim.

He's the one who filed it,

but he's gonna say that I told him to.

Oh, crap.

I told him I don't love him. He said he doesn't care.

He wants us to work on our marriage.

Oh, wow. Well, clearly, the guy's a little crazy.

A little? The man put chives in my Parisian salad!

He should be in a straightjacket!

Okay, calm down. This isn't the end of the world.

Isn't it?

I'm being blackmailed by a man I'm starting to despise,

and if I don't pretend to love him,

he can have me arrested.

Bree...

I don't want you to worry about this.

We're gonna think of something.

What can we think of? He's holding all the cards.

Trust me. None ever holds all the cards.

Lynette, get down here!

What's going on?

I just got off the phone with the university.

Mm-hmm? - I'm in!

Really?! You passed the test?!

Not only did I pass the test,

your genius husband scored in the top 5%,

drunk out of his mind!

Oh!

Which, by the way, I am not condoning... ever.

Congrats, dad!

Thank you, baby. Mwah!

I can help you study if you want.

I'm not sure how much help you're gonna be.

I'm majoring in Chinese.

I know how to say "take me to a strip bar" in Mandarin.

I'm so proud.

Porter, aren't you gonna congratulate your father?

Congratulations on ruining my life.

If you see me on campus,

you're not allowed to talk to me.

Okay, that's everyone.

This calls for hot fudge sundaes.

Everybody... in the car!

Okay. - Ohh! Mwah!

You coming? - Uh, I'm gonna make a quick phone call,

And I'll be right out. - Okay.

Hi. This is Lynette Scavo.

May I please speak to Dr. Rushton?

Tell him it's important.

Hi. Dr. Rushton,

I need to come in and see you as soon as possible.

I think the cancer's back.

Mommy, can I have a juice box?

Oh, sweetie. You just had one,

and we don't want to have to stop ten times

so you can go to the bathroom.

I miss diapers.

Oh, the joys of being a parent.

Yeah, I remember.

You do?

I had a little girl.

She died.

Oh, my God. I...

I-I had no idea. I'm so sorry.

That's okay.

I'm learning to deal with it.

I can't believe Edie gave you a key. - Why not? She trusted me.

And I only used it when I was out of milk or bread...

or cash.

Okay, look for anything that could tie Dave to Dr. Heller.

Look through his files, his papers, even his trash.

Roberta, what are you doing?

We're trying to catch a murderer.

I know, but before I get to the bottom of that,

I'd like to get to the bottom of this.

Oh, look!

Oh! Muscle relaxers--score!

Put that back! They're not yours.

Yeah, apparently, they're not his either. Who's David Dash?

Mr. Williams? It's the police.

Oh! - Oh, cheese it!

We need to ask you a few questions.

Please tell me

you doesn't have anything illegal on you. - I do, but it's hidden.

And if they find it, we got a lawsuit.

Ladies?

Open up, please.

Uh, hi there. Can I help you?

Well, I hope so. Are you Orson Hodge?

Yes, I am. You are...

You want me to let go?

You want me to let go?

Yeah.

There, I let go.

Now you gotta do the same. - I don't know what you mean.

Oh, I think you do, and I am dead serious.

If you don't let go...

next time, neither will I.

Brought you a laundry basket.

You need me to show you how to use the washer?

It's my clever way of saying

you're gonna be doing your own laundry.

Oh. Okay.