Miranda

Hi. It's beyond smashing to see your lovely faces again.

Except yours, wipe that off.

Bet you all checked!

This is no time for frivolity.

As you may remember, I just had two proposals.

Miranda? Miranda?

Oh, I'm really flapping now. I don't know what to do.

Just marry someone!

Or go to Utah, marry them both!

Wish I'd done that with your father and Nigel Havers.

Ugh!

Miranda, I truly mean this proposal.

I know how happy you'd make me, and I'd treasure you forever.

Awww!

Well, I...

Argh! My knee's gone. Ow!

Oh!

Pathetic.

Oh! Shut up, Mike!

Stop it! I'm going to run away. I can't cope with it!

- No, no, no, wait! Don't! - Marry me!

Or, hat in ring. Marry me.

What?!

Three proposals?! Get in!

Chazzle! No, jesting, hilarium.

Not hilarium, Chazzle, actually.

This is meant to be my moment, isn't it? What are they doing?

You're all engagement-ruining idiots!

Oh, are you all right, Big One?

I should know the answer. I just, I really want to know.

Fear not, I'm all over this, like whipped cream on Gary Barlow.

Pace.

Mike and Gary, pros and cons.

This is my life, not a corporate meeting!

Er, steady, sire. Pace.

Right, let's call it, "love positives" and "qualms".

Qualms is a good word. I do have qualms.

I have qualms about them both.

I've said "qualms" too much now.

I have qualms about the word qualms. I have qualm qualms.

Er, hush your mouth now, Big One, please.

Shouldn't they be running after me if they really meant it? Right.

God, you decide.

I'm going to marry whoever comes through that door first.

Miranda.

Unacceptable!

I hope you're deciding, we're all on tenterhooks next door.

I can't wait to shove this engagement, whoever it's with,

in Belinda's smug, tennis president, MBE-bestowed,

effortless weight-loss achieving, perfect bum in jodhpur,

"I once met Mary Berry" face,

with love.

Between Mike and Gary, just give me a sign.

Hi!

I think I've waited as long as I could,

but I just really need to know.

I think I've said it all, but just... Well, I love you.

I love you too, Mike.

I know.

I love you very much.

But I want to marry Gary.

And not just because it rhymes.

I'm sorry, Mike.

These things are all meant.

You're a good man, Mike.

Right, yes. I'll leave you to, um...

I'll speak to you later. Yeah.

Right, before you say anything, I did run straight after you,

but I went to go and get a ring first

because I want to do a proper proposal.

Well, I say ring, in the time, these.

Yum!

That's the ring. Oh, sorry, yes.

That's a bit small, that one.

And that's a bit jaggedy. They're yummy!

I thought this might happen, so I got a back-up.

Miranda...

Ooh, it's happening!

Wellingtons up!

Miranda, will you... Ooh, I bloody love crisps.

Kind of on a flow here, Charlie! Oh, big, fat soz.

Miranda, will you...

Oh, bear with.

This is my moment, Tilly!

Just shush! Thank you.

Miranda.

Will you do me the honour of being

forever and always, because don't ever leave me,

of being...

Welling up!

..of being my wife?

Yes!

Finally! In your botoxed face, Belinda,

and anyone else who said Miranda's only long-term relationship

would be with Dairy Milk.

I'm getting married to Gary! I'm getting Garried!

Tremendio Iglesias Kong!

Come on, let's go back and celebrate!

I'd better go and sort out this party.

But, speaking of finally,

do you think I might be able to stay over tonight? Yes, you can.

I love you.

I'll see you later.

Yes.

What?

He didn't say, "I love you".

He's never, he's never actually said, "I love you".

He's just asked you, in no uncertain terms, to marry him, you fool!

What?

Will we still play Where's Miranda? And have games nights?

Nothing will change, Little One.

Indeed, I challenge you to our latest game of

Snackeralympics Peperami Jenga.

Challenge accepted.

Now, let's forthwith to the restaurant to see my fiance!

Er... you're prancing like an oversized pony.

Oh, my goodness, I'm a fiancee.

I'm going to be a wife. I'm flapping again now.

Will I have to make house, and deal with throws and pelmets?

I don't know what pelmets are, what are pelmets?

The love of your life has just proposed to you,

that's all you need to think. Yes.

Now, let's prance-ay to my fiance-ay.

It's like human dressage.

I'm getting married!

Yay!

I nipped back before Gary left the party because

tonight is the night when dos become uno.

And I realised, and forgive, but I've got no grown-up pantinage.

I'm a fiancee, I should have linger-ee and thongs.

And I should be able to say thongs without wanting to thay

the rest of the thentence like this!

Ooh, there are my thlippers.

So, I'm totally nude.

I'm as Mother Nature intended.

She is a very cruel woman.

He's here!

Hello, Mr Lover-Lover.

You were not meant to see that! I did not need to see that!

I'm sorry! Arghh, my eyes! Aahh!

It's getting offensive now, actually!

I was not expecting you.

It's Snackeralympics, you challenged.

Yeah, but tonight, hell of a night.

Dos become uno. Peperami Jenga!

I'll set it up, OK? OK.

Not OK!

Right, you.

Come here! No. No, no, no. Yes, yes,

I've waited 15 years for this. It's just that Stevie...

Argh! Male downstairs department!

Urgh! Female downstairs department!

Oh, well, this isn't awkward!

Let's play. Yeah, great idea.

That's worked out, hasn't it?

Get rid of her!

She's not adjusting.

What? Adjusting.

What are you doing?

I just...

I was miming...

Stevie, the thing is I'm staying tonight.

Yay! Sleepover! So, activities. Karaoke?

Sex with Miranda.

Well, I don't want to have sex with Miranda.

Can people stop saying... ..sex?

Ugh! Intimacy issues! Right, that's it.

OK, I've got a new game.

It is called, Could Stevie Leave Right Now, Please?

Sorry? Are you chucking Stevie out?

Stevie cannot believe this!

You do know that you are Stevie?

You said nothing would change.

But tonight, you know, there will be times when we need boundaries

so there isn't overcrowding.

Boundaries? Overcrowding? Hark at her!

I mean, yes, you are "engaged".

What's this?

Well, I'm miming locking a toilet door. You're engaged.

You are also, toilet door again, vacant of compassion.

Oh, finally we get the point. And, in many ways, you are...

out of order.

What, again with the classic toilet door metaphors?

Absolutely ridiculous! Immediately ditching your best friend. I am not!

Nothing's changed!

Everything's changed!

Making tea for my husband-to-be. Ooh! I like the sound of that.

Ahhhh...

You know, something crossed my mind this morning. Oh, no, what?

No, it's good, it's good.

Well, it's a bit silly now.

It's just, you're going to make me very happy.

You're sweet!

Now, do you think we might be able to spend some time on our own today?

You know, finally have some peace? Please!

Mornington, Strictly Kong Dancing! Aw!

We are desperating for a cup of cha-cha-cha.

One, two, cha-cha-cha!

Cuppa-rooney? Cuppa-Wayne-Rooney.

Sorry, what are you two doing?