Greek

What are you doing?

You haven't been exclusive?

I'm not the kind of girl who's going to have an ordinary relationship.

- Love doesn't work! - Because you're heartless.

- We found out she slept with Beaver. - That piece of crap?

- Rebecca didn't think so. - Evan, what the hell?!

Dana gives me something more. She inspires me.

Cappie and I aren't built to last.

We work here, in college,

and I don't think we'll work anywhere else.

What abo graduation in May?

We'll worry about that in May.

Noonan! - You're gonna miss it, Noonan. Miss it.

- Miss it, Noonan. - Noonan!

Oh!

Hey, guys. Cap, this is Dana.

Well, hello there, Dana.

We'll take three boxes of Samoas,

- four boxes of Thin Mints... - I'm not a Girl Scout.

- This is my girlfriend. - Can she get us cookies?

These are my pledges, the future of the KT house.

- Really? - Anthony Hopkins.

They've done a lot of crazy stuff,

like, uh... What have you guys done?

Were we supposed to do anything?

When Spitter was a pledge,

he stole a top-secret weather thingie.

The Remington-Herzog Atmospheric Destabilizer? That was you?

That's how I made Vesuvius rain beer.

And then we put some farm animals in Omega Chi,

and we took over the KT house, locking out the actives.

Uh, that sounds like a lot of work.

OK, you need to step it up and make your mark,

or else no one will remember you here.

Why do some of you guys have OXs? I thought you were KTs?

I like my practice conditions to be as real as possible.

Tomorrow's the IFC Greek Gods of Golf Tourney,

where I will smite Evan Chambers.

Golf is just the beginning

of your secret master plan, right, Cap? - Absolutely.

To lure them into my master trap, I have master bait.

- Yeah? - All in good time, Spitter.

That's on a need-to-know basis,

and right now you don't need to know. - I get it.

You can't talk about your big secret plan in front of me because I'm a girl?

No. It's 'cause you didn't bring me any Thin Mints.

So now that he's gone, what's your big secret plan?

- I wish I knew. - You guys are good.

God, we only have six weeks left at CRU

and in the ZBZ house.

I know. We're about to experience a lot of lasts together,

like a last Spring Break and a last finals.

Mm-hmm. - Our last 10: 15am on March 10th.

Our last 10:16.

Maybe my last six weeks with Cappie?

Oh. Right. Sorry.

That's the last of the lasts.

- When did Rebecca get back? - Oh, last night.

And not to bring up lasts again,

but this very well could be your last chance

to be there for Rebecca as her big sis.

Looks like she's pretty upset that Evan broke up with her.

Or maybe she's fine.

Fine? A few days in Jackson Hole

and suddenly everything is fine?

Uh... Hey, Rebecca.

- How are you doing? - Fine.

Um... if you need to talk, your big sis is here.

- For you. - No, thanks.

Wow, OK. I just thought you'd be upset about Evan,

maybe even show some real human emotion,

- but, whatever. - Wow, OK.

Thanks for checking in with me, big sis.

Have you seen today's paper?

Those administration asshats canceled Greek Week.

- What? Why? - I'll summarize.

Some crap about budgetary issues,

more crap about moving funds to next year's rush,

and total crap about no more Blue Ribbon events.

But Greek Week was our last chance to take down

the Gamma Psis before we graduate.

- Without it, we finish... - Number two.

Oh, hi, Natalie. Isn't this Katherine's room?

Sure is. I mean, ever since you burned down our house.

So sorry to hear about the cancellation of Greek Week, Case.

I'm super bummed for you guys.

I mean, I had no idea when I started the petition

to redistribute funds to next year's rush it would actually do it.

I guess now ZBZ will have to go into rush number two.

Good luck getting the best girls with that.

Oh, and, uh, tell Ash to say hi to Pete for me,

- if they're still dating. - They're actually... They're not.

Oh. Super bummed for Ash, too.

Bye!

Casey, I was just as surprised as you.

But how can they cancel Greek Week?

The boys get an extra event with the Greek Gods of Golf,

and, what, the sororities are just done?

We deserve one last chance to win Blue Ribbon points.

I mean, isn't there something that we can do? - I wish there were,

but unfortunately, events have to be approved,

voted on, and scheduled months in advance. I mean, it's in our bylaws.

However, if someone were to point out

that traditionally there was a Goddesses portion of the Greek Gods competition

we might be able to have it reinstated.

So we would play... golf?

No, no.

OK, let's say hypothetically a beauty pageant portion

was taken off the calendar in the 1960s,

I can only guess due to women's liberation.

But if someone were to petition the president of Panhellenic,

we might be able to have another Blue Ribbon event.

Oh! I'd like to propose

that we reinstate a beauty pageant.

A beauty pageant? Are you crazy?

I think an event to find a Goddess

should be much more geared toward strength of character

and less about superficial outward appearances.

- But you just... - Although,

if we could update it to modern standards,

I think I might be able to convince the board to bring it back.

Why would you do this? Don't you want Gamma Psi to win?

Well, personally I would have preferred to battle it out during Greek Week.

I think a victory achieved on a technicality is far less satisfying.

But I'm going to Yale Law, so moving the frick on.

I was thinking we could go to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break with the rest of the house.

Or we could do this.

Sebastian went last year and said he had such a blast.

I don't know. I mean, a gay cruise?

- It's kind of a singles thing. - Not if we do it together.

But we're gonna have to put the deposit down soon, so...

Hey, uh, Cal?

There's a Jehovah's Witness here to see you.

Uh, I'm a Baptist, thank you.

It's like mistaking a Methodist for a Lutheran.

Hey, guys. - Let me know what you decide.

What's up, Dale?

I got a favor to ask.

There's this young man in my church group, Adam,

who has some difficult questions that I'm afraid I'm not...

...qualified to answer.

He thinks he might be like you.

- Catholic? - Gay.

And, after three months of talking to the pastor,

he's still not giving in.

Oh, I see. So you want me to talk him out of making this choice?

It's not a choice, Calvin. For a gay guy, you're awfully ignorant.

No, he just, you know, he's never met a gay person before.

Well, that he knows of.

He just wants to talk to a gay person,

and there's nobody like that at our church...

...that we know of.

Well, of course, Dale. I'd be happy to help you.

Thank you.

Ah, I've never been on a cruise before.

These guys look like they're having fun... on each other.

So Cappie and I were talking about his big revenge plans

against the Omega Chi, but...

You know, I forgot some of the details.

What was the first part? - Forget it. He hasn't told me anything.

Ooh, grab that table.

Case, listen, I know you're mad at me for punching Rusty,

and I just wanted to say that I am sorry, OK?

I was in a really bad place over Rebecca cheating on me

and unfortunately your brother took the brunt of it.

Wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sorry.

OK, I appreciate that,

but you should tell Rusty. He's right over there.

OK.

Rusty.

I just wanted to say sorry for hitting you.

I don't accept your apology, because three of my friends

had to leave CRU because of you.

Hey, you're the one that threw it in my face

about Beaver sleeping with my girlfriend.

I can't believe you guys put him up to that

just to get revenge for those stupid expulsions.

- Is that what you think? - You crossed a line.

It seems to really bother you.

Too bad your humiliation will continue

when Cappie kicks your ass at golf tomorrow. - That's not likely

'cause Cappie picked up a wicked slice when we played last semester.

Last semester? You mean freshman year, right?

No, I mean last semester, wh Cappie and I buried the hatchet.

- You really didn't know. - No, that is impossible.

Cappie's my friend. He would've told me.

Well, sounds to me like maybe you two

aren't such good friends after all.

- So, everything's good? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we're all good. We're all friends here.

Guess who?

What are you doing?

Come on. - I don't like guessing games

or public displays of affection. I'm a very private person.

But I need a little PDA from my GF NNT.

That's "now 'n' then. " I made that one up.

Dale, let's not label what we have,

or initial it, or speak about it out loud with other people.

I prefer if we keep this relationship in the pantry for now.

All right. Uh, you do admit it's a relationship.