Footballers' Wives

What are you doing here?

Little tart?

Marie?

Wanted me to drop by and tell you

what a sad bastard she thinks you are.

This has gone flat.

Wait.

Did he just move his hand?

He did, I'm sure he did! Frank?

Dad.

Frank!

Good to have you back.

Will someone explain what's going on?

I thought you said there was no hope.

It must be a miracle.

You'd better have good insurance. We need to call the police.

I need some fresh air.

How can a girl your size eat so much,

like a bear out of hibernation?

You can talk. I burn it off on the field.

I've got my own way of exercising.

I can imagine.

No need to do that.

I could show you.

Marie, I...

Oh, are you crazy? Look what you done.

I hear you like a good poke in the rear.

Figlio di puttana!

He likes me. You want to fight? OK.

I'm going to break... that leg.

Ian!

Whoa, whoa.

This bastard set me up!

He's been chipping away since he got here.

Turning my mates, sucking up to the boss.

Making trouble with my wife!

It's a twist of the screw too far, mate.

You're dead, all right?

He's got you on side too, has he?

Jase! What do you think Stefan's going to say?

Oi! Oi!

You'll put his leg in plaster.

You're in enough trouble as it is already, mate.

Come on. I'll drive you home.

Jase...

Next time, don't hide behind a piece of skirt, yeah?

They'll see what's left of him tomorrow.

Scan this, and test that.

Either way, it looks like Lanzarote's off.

You must think I'm terrible.

No!

I thought it was all over, Tanya.

I'd made other plans.

I was so relieved when Chris agreed to... you know.

Well, I figured better that than watch him dribble into his Horlicks.

We all want what's best.

All we can do now

is hang fire. See what the morning brings.

It makes no difference, Tanya!

Scrambled or fried, the point is the old bugger's still here!

Stop.

What's up?

I thought you fancied a ride.

SCREAMS Just stop!

STOP!

Just pull over, please.

I want to get out.

Keep the change. Thanks, love.

I'll, er...

We'll say it was kids, yeah?

We were all inside. We saw nothing.

He could have injured Sal or our Marie. Why should we cover for him?

To keep it from the press, all right?

If it was anyone else, you'd have called the police by now.

Yeah, but he's not anyone else, is he?

I'm sorry about all this, Donna...

It's not your fault, Sal.

If it's anyone's, it's our Marie's.

How was I supposed to know he'd flip his nut?

What did you think he'd do?

Congratulate you on your fabulous sense of humour?

I weren't the one who smashed Sal's car!

I told you to stay away. Didn't I tell you?!

Oi! Oi! Look.

Can we all calm down, please? I'm trying to sort this out.

Protect him, you mean.

He's Jason bloody Turner, not Jesus flaming Christ!

I'll talk to him, yeah?

There's no need. I'll sort Jason out myself. Good night.

GASPS

He's awake.

I am now, you daft cow.

Not you.

Frank.

He opened his eyes a couple of hours ago.

BIRDSONG

You look shit-faced.

I keep seeing him, Jase, out the corner of my eye.

A big smile on his face, cos he knows what's coming my way.

Just cos his light's right don't mean he's wired up right.

He knows! The minute they stop fiddling with his tubes,

he'll tell someone. How?

Morse bloody code?

People can write whole novels by blinking their eyelids!

I've seen it on Discovery.

Yeah?

Well, it won't be my name he's spelling, will it?

Shite!

You understand why I had to say something?

You did the right thing coming to see me.

We'll get someone

to take a look at your car.

Now, concentrate on your football.

KNOCK ON DOOR Come.

Ahhh.

Beat me to it, eh?

I was just coming to fess up, boss.

Made a right prat out of myself last night, eh?

Bad joke.

Got well out of hand. What can I say?

Sal.

Please.

All right, I'm an arsehole.

And arrogant.

Ill-disciplined.

Unprofessional.

And... increasingly overweight. Arsehole.

Whatever.

What is your problem, Jason?

Don't you like us foreigners being here at Earls Park?

Do we... offend you?

No.

Me and Sal got off to a bad start, that's all.

Because, like it or not,

football is on a world stage now, even at club level.

But...

Perhaps you find that stage too big.

You'll pay for the damage,

and make a full apology.

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

In front of the whole squad, at training.

Yeah.

It's as good as done, boss.

And...

It won't happen again.

You got the Turner word on that.

Go on.

Coach.

We'll put out a press release, effective immediately.

Jason Turner suffered a groin strain in training.

You're not fixing to get rid of him?

A captain...

who puts the players in danger?

I won't stand for it, Archie.

Well, look...

I know the guy is a prize pillock.

But he's saved this club more often than I can count.

Nobody's too big.

Not even Jason Turner.

In all fairness, after a pass like he gave Tel on Saturday,

some of you might think he deserved it.

Nah, but seriously, Sal knows how sorry I am.

No hard feelings, yeah?

Because at the end of the day,

we are a team.

CLAPS IRONICALLY Beautifully said.

Now, if you're ready, get your kit on and move out.

There's work to be done.

Right, lads, let's go.

Not you.

Go home. You won't be needed at training.

Eh?

You'll be on the bench on Saturday and every Saturday after that.

You're having me on.

For the foreseeable future.

If you're putting me on the transfer list, tell me to my face!

I don't manage stars, Jason. I manage Earls Park.

22 players.

You've been taking up too much of my time.

Yeah?

Well, manage this.

I quit!

Let's see how far you get in the league now, you prick!

I feel you've been avoiding me.

No, no...

It just knocked me for six.

I couldn't believe he'd come round like that.

Everything's changed now.

Well, not really.

But Frank's... He wants us to put him out of his misery, Jeanette.

I could see it in his eyes.

Whatever his family may say.

It's not in our hands now.

But he's still in yours, isn't he?

Although...

He may not be for long if he starts communicating.

Because you'll be in prison.

I can't.

It's for the best.

Believe me.