The Conners

Hey. What'd the insurance guy say about the roof?

Well -- and I think I've said this virtually every time

we've had to deal with insurance --

we're not covered.

Yeah, and unfortunately, we're gonna have to

make the repairs because there are more storms coming.

Well, looked at everything up there.

Repairs aren't gonna be cheap.

It's at least $3,000 to patch that area

where the roof broke away.

I'll grab a tarp from the car.

There goes our honeymoon money.

I'm sorry, babe.

But the good news is, after the work's done,

we'll know the house is worth at least $3,000.

This makes no sense. I mean, how do they get away

with not covering tornado damage?

I didn't read the fine print.

But that's because my health insurance

doesn't cover vision.

Which I didn't know

'cause I couldn't read the fine print.

Huh, huh, huh, huh, ohh!

Uh, Mark, you want a ride to school when I'm done?

Oh. There's no school today.

It's closed for a teacher work day.

And quit trying to butter up my kids.

It's interfering with me trying to make them hate you.

I'm still going, though, because they leave

the library open so you can study,

but I'll just walk.

I'm gonna meet my friends there.

Since when do you have friends?

Name one.

Mr. Vasily.

Isn't that the lunchroom guy?

Yeah, but he gives me extra tater tots,

and I'm helping him become a citizen.

Uh, do you have any friends that aren't in danger

of being deported?

If you're having trouble making friends at the new school,

you should join some clubs.

Or just change who you are completely

so you're not such a sad bag of dork.

Look, if you need to make a friend,

here's what you do.

Join a -- Mom, just stop.

I-I don't need to do anything.

I'll work it out. See you later.

Well, give Mark some time.

He'll make friends.

No. It's been two months at the new school

and nobody's called him to do anything.

All he does is watch TV and do homework.

He's adjusting. That's all.

He hasn't figured out if he's a soch or a jock

or an emo or a goth.

I know. How will he know which group to rumble with

behind the drive-in?

I'm just saying, if it were really a problem,

you know he'd come to you.

I appreciate that, but this is no longer your concern.

If you wanted to play daddy, then you should have married me.

Yes. My mistake.

I could have had those sweet tones in my ear

every morning.

You know, before I opened the door

and ran screaming into traffic.

Oh. Well, there's the door.

You don't want to miss rush hour.

Always a treat. Ta-ta.

-Captions by VITAC--

Excuse me. This isn't Thousand Island.

It's just ketchup and mayonnaise.

In the store, it has relish.

Here's a pickle and a knife.

And if you could make enough for the whole restaurant,

we'd appreciate it.

Hey, we're a sports bar now.

We're gonna have a lot more customers.

You have got to stay cool.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so pissed because I've been doing so great

in my abnormal psychology class,

and I didn't get picked for anybody's study group.

They probably think I'm old and boring and stupid.

Old, boring, stupid people play a huge role in college.

You can't graduate in the "top half" of a class

unless there's a bottom half.

Is there somebody at school you can complain to?

Yeah. There's a girl, Lucy, who coordinates the groups.

Well, then, get her on the phone and give her hell.

Hey, Lucy. Hey, Becky.

Bet you didn't even think I knew how to use FaceTime, right?

Because I'm so old.

That's why you didn't want me in your study groups.

It's just that we figured you were busy

with your job or your kid.

Everybody wanted you in their study group.

Really?

Oh. That makes me so happy.

I have a lot to contribute to abnormal psychology.

Everyone in class realized that they were dating

someone from one of the chapters?

I'm old. I've dated, like, all the chapters.

That's awesome.

Well, there's a group meeting at noon.

I'll let the study captain know you're joining.

Thank you so much.

I need the afternoon off.

Today?!

I didn't realize they were gonna drag your stupid old ass off

to a study group right away.

There's a game tonight.

We're gonna be doing moonshine shots for a quarter.

We're bringing in the trailer park crowd.

Please.

I'll figure out something.

Oh, thank you.

Don't worry. I will be here for last call.

I went to rehab.

I know the difference between guys who need Narcan

and the ones who are just napping.

Hey.

Oh, hey. If you're looking for Jackie,

I think she's at the restaurant.

Actually, I came over to talk to you.

Can you give me any ideas

on how to entertain a 14-year-old boy?

Neville, this might be a bigger conversation.

Come on, I'm serious.

A-A friend of mine is going through a rough divorce

and asked if her son could stay with me for a few weeks,

and I felt bad for her, so I said okay.

Oh. Well, that was sweet.

Yeah, but he doesn't know anybody in Lanford,

so I have to bring him to work.

I let him shave a monkey for surgery.

I mean, what kid wouldn't enjoy that?

Never even put down his phone.

No. This is perfect.

Mark is having a hard time making friends

at his new school.

He could use somebody to hang with.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Yeah. The only thing is Mark is super sensitive

about not having any friends,

so I have to think of a casual way

for him to meet your friend's kid.

Hmm.

Alright.

You and Mark are having lunch at The Lunch Box.

Suddenly, the brakes on my car go out,

and I skid to a stop right in front of the restaurant.

I pretend to have a heart attack --

it turns out just to be anxiety --

but I send Logan into The Lunch Box

to call for an ambulance.

He meets Mark.

They find out they have a lot in common

and become friends.

What do you think?

Or...

I get Mark to The Lunch Box,

and you and Logan are looking for a place to get pie.

You think the kids are gonna buy that?

Becky.

You said you were gonna be done with your study group

like 30 minutes ago.

I need you to go over the meat and poultry order

'cause, uh, I'm not sure if I got too much.

We're talking about Kluver-Bucy Syndrome.

It's fascinating.

It's people who have the urge

to have a sexual relationship with an inanimate object.

Well, a lamp won't steal your Social Security number,

buy an RV, and drive to Mexico.

Just get over here as soon as you can, okay?

Neville's texting you.

Oh, he is?

Oh. Oh, he says he's stopping by for pie.

Does he text you every time he wants dessert?

Yes.

Um, a-also he says he's taking care of

a friend's kid and, I'll be darned,

he's the same age as you.

"You'll be darned"?

Okay, what kind of crap are you pulling this time?

What, just because I used an old-fashioned phrase,

I'm "Miss Shady Pants"?

Okay, fine. But this kid's parents

are going through a really bad divorce.

He doesn't know anybody out here.

You're having trouble making friends.

So you're gonna force me to hang out

with a kid I don't know.

Hey, I had problems making friends

when I was your age, too.

And I wouldn't let anybody help me.

Because of it, I spent a lot of time alone,