My Queen (Queen of No Marriage / Pai Chuan Nu Wang / Bai Quan Nu Wang / 敗犬女王 (败犬女王)

Stop!

Come back!

I, Shan Wu Shuang,

have been charging full throttle through life for almost 33 years

and have never let anyone pass in front of me.

I have a successful career,

a fulfilling lifestyle -

Yet, when I look behind me,

the only guy left chasing me

is someone who shouldn't even exist on the face of this planet -

Santa Claus!

However, only by giving life everything we've got

can we consider our lives to be meaningful...

Right?

To help dispel some of your daughter's bad karma,

so that she can get married sooner,

you're going to have to bear with me.

-Understand? -Yes.

Okay, bite tight.

My god...

Shan Lin Chun Zhi,

how old did you say your daughter Shan Wu Shuang is this year?

Thirty-three...

How old?!

Thirty-three!

Thirty-three and she's still single?

No wonder,

according to her horoscope,

she's stubborn, smart and hard to deal with.

She annoys people wherever she goes.

So much bad karma...

we're going to have to add a few more beatings.

Bite tight.

The flames are picking up!

-The flames? -Yes, the flames!

-Amazing... -What's the matter?

This is more than your average good luck. Hurry up and pray.

The Fox Spirit is being extra merciful.

-Your daughter has a chance now. -She has a chance...

that's good.

He has instructed that

you only have to bear three hundred more beatings.

What did you say?

Three hundred?!

It's not my fault...

if your daughter had come herself it'd only be thirty.

But it's ten times as many if it's a parent.

Bear with me.

If you can endure the three hundred beatings

your requests will be granted by the Fox Spirit for sure.

Wait!

After three hundred beatings will I still live to see Wu Shuang's wedding?

Probably not.

There'd be too much damage to your internal organs.

You'd be splitting up blood in three days and dead in five.

Wait!

Let's work this out.

My buttocks have more fat, can you hit there instead?

I'll make sure to bite tight.

Yes, alright.

Is all of Shan Wu Shuang's bad karma going to be eliminated this year?

Yes!

Is anyone going to marry Shan Wu Shuang this year?

Yes!

Wu Shuang, when you were born, you were already 4200 grams.

You were our Happiness village's record holder.

In elementary school, you single handedly won all five of the:

citizenship, intelligence, athletics, group cooperation and beauty awards.

You were Happiness Elementary's record holder.

In junior high, you represented us in the national speech contest

and won first place in the nation.

For high school, you were the first person from our village

to be accepted to the No. 1 Girls' High School.

And don't even mention college.

You managed to get in to the best school without any trouble at all.

But I can't believe that now,

you're the only person in the entire village who still hasn't married.

From the most sought after village queen,

you've become the most worthless village loser.

For the sake of your future,

Mom's going to find a way for you to get married this year at thirty-three.

Wu Shuang!

What are you laughing at?

Nothing. Do we have to dress like this?

Like what? What's wrong with this?

Or are you just jealous that I can still fit into my uniform from 15 years ago?

-Let's take a picture. -Okay.

Make a pose. Ready...

What the hell?!

Can't even sew my skirt together properly.

I mean,

I just think we're going a bit overboard dressing like this.

Won't it affect your agile movement?

How will it affect my movement?

It's just a tighter fit.

Do you want an exclusive?

After all, today is iFound magazine's weekly headline meeting.

Let me ask you,

do you want to beat Romeo, that egotistical maniac or not?

I want an exclusive.

But do we have to beat Romeo?

Of course we do!

What's wrong with you people?

Don't you even have the basic desire to win?

Show me some more enthusiasm would you!

Do you know who our target is today?

The hot and upcoming Cabinet candidate - Ke Yu Zheng.

That's right.

He's going to attend the No. 1 Girls' High School's Christmas Party tonight.

People call him the little white sheep of politics

yet he's had a secret affair for over 10 years.

This is going to be a huge exclusive for sure.

I assure you that tomorrow morning

there's going to be a huge earthquake in the world of politics.

So, Ruo Ji...

Boss,

-it's Rockie! -Rockie!

Hold on tight to your camera.

As soon as Ke Yu Zheng appears...

take so many pictures of him that he'll have no place to hide.

Understood.

But, does he look like someone who would have an illegitimate child?

Don't judge a book by its cover, haven't you heard of that expression?

I mean, look at me. So smart and clever.

Can you believe that I'm still not married?

-Yes, I can. -What did you say?!

I mean, being smart and clever

aren't exactly catalysts for helping you get married.

Then what are they?

They're impediments.

That's because you guys have no taste.

Destination: No. 1 Girls' High School. Let's go!

Subtitles by DramaFever

My Queen

[No. 1 Girls' High School welcomes back former principal Ke Yu Zheng.]

Pervert, get lost! Go away!

Where are you gonna run now?

This move is called a rotary throw.

It's one of the moves in Aikido.

When the opponent has already put his hand on your shoulder,

then please tell your friends, to use this move on him.

But, if you meet this kind of trash that not even the garbage truck would want,

my advice would be to follow up with a handchop

so that he temporarily stops breathing.

Are you for real?

Alright.

Now we're going to demonstrate "Cicada Emerging from its Shell"

This is the best move to break free when a molester comes up from behind

and wraps his arms around you.

So... I'll act as the molester

and which one of you wants to be molested by me?

Me! Molest me!

You!

Alright students, watch carefully. We're starting now.

Hey sweetie, where are you gonna run?

Stop it!

Don't you dare.

Don't try to resist.

It's no use. I'm going to molest you!

You... I know.

Please be gentle.

But, if you want to be rough, that's okay too!

You guys.

We're here as substitutes for your teacher on maternity leave

to teach you self-defense!

We're not here as gigolos okay?

We know, you guys are Know-it-all, Part-Time-Job-Pros!

JJ and Lucas.

But I didn't know that Lucas

was so attractive.

You're so hot!

Too hot! So hot!

Hey, are you done touching me?

Part-Time-Job-Pro!

I want to hire you to be my boyfriend for a day,

and be my date for tonight's Christmas Ball.

Can you?

Imagine now,

in front of you, there's an ocean.

The fisherman hauls in a net full of cute tropical fish.

However, there's one kind of fish that's always released as soon as it's caught.

-Do you know what kind of fish that is? -No.

A fish that's too small.

That's right. As the Part-Time-Job-Pros

I, Lucas, can provide you with energy, professionalism, time and advice

and any other services you may need.

But my heart...?

Not for Sale.

Other than to Angelina Jolie.

Okay, that's all for today!

Class over.

Lucas!

Wait!

Know-it-all Part-Time-Pros. We can do anything and everything.

For all your needs in life, all you need to do is give us a call!

Just make an appointment online, and we'll -

We want Lucas!

Our Lucas will sell services but not his body.

However, I on the other hand, sell both services and body.

You see. He's my partner, and I'm his partner.