Man with a Plan

Okay, guys, Mommy and I are gonna be leaving

in a couple minutes, and we're, uh...

Are you watching The Hangover?

- Uh, no. - That's rated R.

Uncle Don came in and turned it on.

It's way better than SpongeBob.

I sat on the remote and it just came on.

That's not what happened at all.

He searched for it, found it, and then said,

"Buckle up, kids."

Come on, man.

I also told you not to tell your dad.

Hey, what's with the suit?

Looks like you're selling pianos at the mall.

It's Valentine's Day.

I'm taking Andi out

- because I love her. - Hmm.

And because she told me to.

Really doing it up fancy, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I called three weeks ago to get us in at Staiano's

for dinner and dancing,

pre-ordered their special lovers package for two,

and had the truck detailed for when she throws herself at me

- on the way home. - Hmm.

I forgot nothing.

- Who's babysitting tonight? - I forgot something.

Oh, this is not good,

I don't have a babysitter.

Wha... hey, are you and Marcy doing anything special tonight?

No. Every night I let Marcy lay her head on this bear skin rug.

So, you know,

it's always Valentine's Day at our house.

Sounds like it's always Halloween at your house.

- So can you babysit? - Let me call Marcy.

Hello?

Hey, babe, I got a question about tonight.

So do I, where are you taking me for Valentine's Day?

We got a big night ahead of us, baby,

so lay out my good underwear.

I can't babysit, I screwed up big.

I got to find some place to take Marcy.

Wha... you're never gonna get in

anywhere on Valentine's Day.

Hey, I snuck into three Cher concerts, I could do anything.

So are you guys not going out?

No, no, no, I can still save this.

I'll call Marie.

She's been single a long time.

It's a sad, sad... Marie!

Hey, uh, any chance

- you could babysit tonight? - No can do.

I'm here with your favorite kindergarten teacher,

and we are drowning our sorrows in meat.

Hey, Burns, the best thing about tonight

is I've hit rock bottom.

I can only go up from here.

Katie, some phone calls make you feel very lucky.

Lowell, it's Adam.

Hey.

Hey, uh, can you watch my kids tonight?

I wish I could, Adam, but I've got romantic plans

with my wife all night.

Time for lefty.

Oh, I am in big trouble.

Big trouble.

I could babysit.

What?

Wait.

Wait, wait.

Yeah, you're 13, you're old enough now.

Yeah, and happy to do it any time.

Wasn't even thinking about any time.

I was just thinking about tonight.

Yeah, but any time means, like,

if I have to run back to the office, you'll be here.

Or if Mom and I want to see a movie, you'll be here.

Or if we just don't want to be here, you'll be here!

This could change our lives.

One thing though, if I babysit,

it's gonna cost you three dollars an hour.

Three dollars an hour?

Katie, honey...

that's not how you negotiate, okay?

You go high, I go low.

Start at, like, ten or $15.

Okay.

$15, then.

No, no, no, no, it's three, you already said three.

Whoa, look at you.

And look at you.

I can't wait to get you out on the town.

When's the babysitter getting here?

Ah, Valentine's surprise number one.

- She's already here. - Oh.

In fact,

she's been here for 13 years.

She's responsible, well-raised,

you know her and you love her, it's Katie!

You forgot to book a babysitter, didn't you?

That's Valentine's surprise number two.

Yeah, honey,

I-I just don't think she's ready yet.

I mean, babysitters need to be a little more, you know, mature.

Wha... you let Uncle Don babysit.

Good point, Katie, my smartest child. Huh?

Don was here for five minutes

and Emme learned every bad word ever.

They're all up here now.

Okay, Adam, we need to talk in the kitchen.

That means no.

Do you see how smart she is?

Look, I tried everyone.

Katie is our only option.

Look, I'm fine with Katie babysitting.

Just not our kids.

Yeah, I mean, let her work out all the kinks

on that frog killer, Tabitha, down the street.

Andi, the restaurant's only a few minutes away, okay?

The kids will watch a movie, we'll have some dinner,

dance to Sinatra,

maybe squeeze in a little

truck action on the way home.

Come on.

I don't know.

It's just scary to think about

leaving her in charge. I mean,

I have bras older than her.

And like those bras, Katie has been through a lot.

Look, she helps me already, okay?

When we get home from school,

she gives Teddy and Emme their snacks,

she gets them started on their homework.

She's really good at it.

Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing?

Let's not get bogged down in details, okay?

You know what? Look, look, look,

if...

if Katie starts babysitting, we can go out whenever we want.

All right? We can be that spontaneous, happy couple

we used to be before the kids, you know, ruined everything.

I think it's fun to stay home with the kids.

They can't hear you. You can tell the truth.

Look, can we just try it for tonight?

- Okay, fine. All right? - Okay.

But if anything goes wrong at the house while we're gone,

Katie babysitting goes on the list of things

you are not allowed to ask me to do again.

Okay, sure, sure, sure.

I'll put it next to skydiving

and that thing I tried on New Year's Eve.

Now, let's...

let's do this before you change your mind, okay?

That's what you said on New Year's Eve.

Katie,

your mother and I have decided to let you babysit.

- Yay! - Really?! That's amazing!

- I won't let you down, I promise. - Okay. Okay.

But I have some rules, all right?

No running, no jumping, no climbing, no fighting,

no biting, no cooking, all right?

A-And no trying anything for the first time.

If you're not already great at it, don't do it, okay?

Okay, listen,

if you need anything, you call me, not your mother, me.

- Got it? - Got it.

Okay. And...

if you need anything, you call me, okay?

- Be good, bye! - Oh, and lock this door.

Don't answer this door.

Nothing with doors.

Doors equal death.

And you're dead.

Do you think it's too early to call home?

Honey, we left six and a half minutes ago.

The kids are in good hands, will you just relax?

Okay, well, as long as everything is fine at home,

- I'm fine. - Well...

- I like this place. - Mm.

- It's fancy. - Yeah.

You know, when I went to the ladies' room,

the toilet seat was heated. Yeah.

And not from somebody else sitting on it.

Oh.

Oh, and, since I'm only paying Katie three dollars an hour,

I am gonna order us the second cheapest bottle of wine.

Mm.

Hi, may I help you?

Hey, yeah, uh, we have a reservation for two.

Burns.

Hmm. Oh, I just seated

the Burns party.

I think I would've remembered if that happened.

Is that Don?

Yes.

That seven-foot howler monkey stole our table.

What the hell are you doing at our table?

I took a gamble you wouldn't find a babysitter.

I kind of bet my marriage on it.

Okay, well,