Parks and Recreation

- MORNING. - HEY.

- HEY, CAN YOU APPROVE THIS NEW DESIGN FOR THE CAMPAIGN POSTER?

- OH, ANN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, RULE-BREAKING MOTH.

YOU KNOW WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT MY CAMPAIGN IN HERE.

SERIOUSLY?

IT'S A "YES" OR "NO" QUESTION.

- WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING FOR OFFICE,

THERE ARE, LIKE, A MILLION RULES OF WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO.

YES.

AND BECAUSE I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT,

I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING CAMPAIGN-RELATED

INSIDE A GOVERNMENT BUILDING.

- BOSS, I NEED YOUR HERBIE HANCOCK ON THIS.

- OUTSIDE. -

- IT'S KIND OF A PAIN IN THE ASS.

BUT IT'S GREAT EXERCISE... BUT IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS.

- SO PERD HAPLEY WANTS TO DO THURSDAY NOW.

FINE.

- DID YOU FINISH THE MAINTENANCE REPORT?

- I DID NOT FINISH IT, BUT I WILL FINISH IT.

SO WAIT, WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION AGAIN?

THE SLOGAN?

- OKAY, CAN I JUST COME OUT THERE,

SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING?

- NO, APRIL, I NEED TO KEEP MY WORK SEPARATE, OKAY?

JUST THINK OF IT LIKE A FUN GAME.

PARKS IS INSIDE. CAMPAIGN IS OUTSIDE.

PARKS IS INSIDE. CAMPAIGN'S OUTSIDE.

- OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE IT MORE FUN?

- WHAT? - OH, MY GOD, THIS.

APRIL.

*

IT'S TIME, LESLIE.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE A LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM THE DEPARTMENT.

- RON, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

- WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS. - NO, YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT IT,

AND I'VE IGNORED IT, BECAUSE IT IS RIDICULOUS.

NEED I REMIND YOU THAT EVEN IF I WIN THE ELECTION,

I CAN STILL WORK AT THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.

CITY COUNCIL IS A PART-TIME JOB.

- BUT CAMPAIGNING IS A FULL-TIME JOB.

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE WORKING 50 HOURS A WEEK HERE

AND 50 HOURS A WEEK ON THE CAMPAIGN.

- WELL, I HAVE TIME TO SPARE.

I'M ALSO VOLUNTEERING AT "WHEELS FOR MEALS ON WHEELS."

WE REPAIR VANS FOR "MEALS ON WHEELS."

- YOU'RE A MONTH BEHIND ON EVERYTHING.

YOU FORGOT TO FILE THE WEEKLY PARKS MAINTENANCE REPORT.

YOU DO IT EVERY WEEK, AND YOU FORGOT.

THINGS ARE FALLING THROUGH THE CRACKS.

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE WORN THAT SWEATER FOUR DAYS IN A ROW.

- OR I OWN FOUR IDENTICAL VERSIONS OF THE SAME SWEATER.

- NO, YOU DON'T, THERE'S AN OLD LOLLIPOP

THAT'S BEEN STUCK TO THE BACK SINCE TUESDAY.

- THAT'S THE STYLE NOW, RON.

IT'S CALLED "LOLLIPOPPING."

ALL THE KIDS ARE DOING IT.

- LESLIE, YOU NEED TO TAKE A SABBATICAL.

- OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, RON?

I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY,

I WILL NOT TAKE A SABBATICAL, AS WE AGREED,

AND WE WILL NEVER DISCUSS THIS AGAIN.

- SORRY, ANN. YOU CAN'T OPEN THIS GIFT.

IT'S FOR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN PAWNEE.

HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

HOLD UP, HOLD UP, WAIT. THAT'S YOU.

WOW.

- YEAH, AND LOOK, I GOT ONE TOO.

MATCHING HIS AND HERS.

- SO I'M "TOMMY'S GIRL," AND YOU'RE JUST "TOM"?

WHY NOT "ANN'S MAN"?

- NOBODY OWNS ME, CUPCAKE, NOT EVEN YOU.

- YOU CAN EITHER BURN THESE HATS IN A FIRE,

OR YOU CAN USE A BLOWTORCH.

HOW ABOUT THIS OPTION?

WE PUT THE HATS ON-- - DON'T SAY IT.

- WE TAKE EVERYTHING ELSE OFF.

THESE KANGOL HATS ARE EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE

SAMUEL L. JACKSON WORE TO THE LATIN GRAMMYS.

HOW COULD SHE NOT LIKE THEM? - I DON'T KNOW.

- IT'S LIKE SOMEHOW EVERYTHING I DO WITH HER IS WRONG.

- DUDE, SERIOUSLY, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.

I KIND OF SET UP TOM AND ANN,

AND NOW THEY WON'T STOP ASKING ME FOR ADVICE,

WHICH IS A REALLY BAD MOVE ON THEIR PART,

BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM...

OR ANYONE.

- CHAMPION! HEY, BUD.

I MISSED YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I HOPE HE WASN'T A HANDFUL.

NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.

AS THE GERMANS WOULD SAY, "ER IST EIN WUNDER HUND."

HE IS A WONDER DOG. - OH.

- THE DOG TRAINING COURSE I TOOK

WAS CONDUCTED ENTIRELY IN GERMAN,

AND SO NOW I'M FLUENT IN GERMAN...

WORDS RELATING TO DOGS.

- APRIL AND ANDY WENT AWAY FOR THE NIGHT,

AND I LOOKED AFTER CHAMPION HERE.

HE'S A MUTT.

HALF AMAZING, HALF TERRIFIC.

ICH BIN EIN THREE-LEGGED DOG.

WELL, I TOOK HIM TO PETSMART.

I GOT HIM VARIOUS TOYS,

GOT HIM SHOTS, GOT HIM GROOMED, AND GAVE HIM PLENTY OF EXERCISE.

HE'S HEALTHIER THAN EVER.

- WAIT, DID HIS LEG GROW BACK?

AW, NO, NO. THAT'S OKAY.

- ANDY, IF I MAY-- - YES.

- DOGS TEND TO TAKE ON THE PERSONALITIES

OF THEIR OWNERS-- - MM-HMM.

- SO IF YOU WERE TO SIT ON YOUR COUCH ALL DAY

WATCHING CARTOONS AND EATING NOTHING BUT CHEETOS,

THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD WANT TO DO TOO.

- WHO WOULDN'T?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AMAZING DAY, RIGHT?

OKAY, WELL, THANKS. -

BYE, CHAMPION.

MORNING, LESLIE.

- JERRY, TAKE THAT SHIRT OFF.

YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

- GAYLE GAVE ME THIS SHIRT YESTERDAY AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

- OH, MY GOD, JERRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY.

- LESLIE, IT IS OKAY.

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, IT'S A TOUGH ONE TO REMEMBER.

MY BIRTHDAY IS FEBRUARY 29th,

SO I ONLY GET ONE REAL BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW, ONCE EVERY FOUR YEARS.

BUT IT'S GREAT BECAUSE MY WIFE GAYLE

MAKES SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

WE GO, WE SPLIT A HUGE PIECE

OF COTTON CANDY CHEESECAKE

FROM CAKEY J'S CHEESECAKE FACILITY.

AND THEN, WELL, WE HOLD HANDS FOR A WHILE.

WE LISTEN TO SOME ANITA BAKER.

SHE MEETS UP WITH SOME FRIENDS, AND I TURN IN EARLY.

- THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. BIRTHDAYS ARE IMPORTANT.

I'M SO SORRY WE FORGOT YOURS.

- I GUESS IT JUST SLIPPED THROUGH THE CRACKS.

- YES, I GUESS IT DID.

ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JERRY.

YOU ARE A KIND AND WONDERFUL SOUL.

THANK YOU.

- ALSO I NEED YOU TO DO SOME FECAL CONTAMINATION TESTING

AT THE RESERVOIR. - NOW?

- YES, GO GET A KIT FROM MAINTENANCE,

AND I NEED YOU TO CHECK THE WATER FOR BIRD DUNG.

- CAN I AT LEAST GRAB THE GLOVES?

- JERRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING HERE?

OUR WATER HAS POOP IN IT. - OH, MY GOD.

- NOW JERRY IS TURNING 64 THIS YEAR.

- HE'S ONLY 64? - 64 DIVIDED BY 4 IS--

- 16. - 64.

- SO WE'RE GONNA THROW HIM A SWEET 16 SURPRISE PARTY.

IT'S GONNA BE VERY SPECIAL.

- THE USUAL, CAKE AND POP? - NO, APRIL, THE UNUSUAL.

- FISH AND POP. - NO.

- CAKE AND FISH. - NO, NO FISH.

JERRY ONLY GETS A REAL BIRTHDAY EVERY FOUR YEARS.

AND FOUR YEARS FROM NOW, WHO KNOWS?

HE MIGHT BE RETIRED... OR DEAD.

LET'S START A POOL.

WHO WANTS RETIED? WHO WANTS DEAD?

- DEAD. - NO.

- I GOT ONE DEAD. - NO.

- YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT? - MM, NO.

THE CAMPAIGN CAN WAIT, 'CAUSE THIS IS OFFICIAL PARKS BUSINESS.

DONNA, CAN WE USE YOUR LAKE HOUSE?

- HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

MY FAMILY HAS A LAKE HOUSE UP IN THE FOOTHILLS,

BUT WE KEEP IT QUIET.

WE'RE NOT BIG ON HOSPITALITY.

THE MEAGLES ARE A COLD PEOPLE.

CAN WE USE YOUR HOUSE?

I SUPPOSE.

BRING YOUR OWN TOWELS.

WOW, DONNA.

THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL.

- YES, IT IS, AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY.

THESE ARE THE HOUSE RULES. NO DIRTY SHOES IN THE HOUSE.

UPSTAIRS IS MEAGLE SPACE ONLY.

AND IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY, THAT IS THE BUBBLING OF THE HOT TUB.

YOU DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO IT.

IF YOU FOLLOW THESE RULES, WE WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.

OH, MY GOD.

IS THAT GINUWINE? - MM-HMM.

- WHY DO YOU HAVE GINUWINE'S PLATINUM RECORD

ON YOUR WALL?

WHY DO YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF YOU WITH GINUWINE AT SOME PLACE?

- OH, HAVE I NEVER TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE?

GINUWINE'S MY COUSIN.

GINUWINE?

THEGINUWINE IS YOUR COUSIN?

HOW DO I NOT KNOW THIS?

WHO'S GINUWINE?

GINUWINE?

GINUWINE IS GINUWINE. HE'S GINUWINE.

- SAYING HIS NAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS NOT GOING TO HELP ME.

HE'S AN R&B SINGER.

PONY, DIFFERENCES.