Tommy Boy

Tommy, hurry up! You're gonna be late for school again!

Son of a...!

Damn!

Nice doggy. Nice doggy.

Holy shnikes!

Late again, Tommy? You're pathetic.

Shut up, Richard.

Come on, Tommy! Hurry up, Tommy!

Damn!

Hi, how are ya?

Oh, man!

Oh, please, God!

Son of a...!

Looks good to me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Pardon me. Can I just check this out?

D-plus?

Oh, my God.

I passed!

I passed! Oh, man!

I got a D-plus!

I'm gonna graduate!

I wish we'd known each other. This is a little awkward.

I'm gonna graduate! Gimme five!

I'm gonna graduate!

Oh, man!

Hey guys, do I look different now that I'm a college grad?

Hmm... Not really.

Apparently they give a lot fewer D-pluses than D-minuses.

It's not a grade they like to give out. I tell you that right now.

Yeah. You mentioned that.

- So that's it for school, huh? Now what? - No idea.

For now I'll probably work at my dad's loading dock, like always.

Then, after that, figure it out.

I'm gonna miss you, man. You're the best.

Uh-uh.

You were the best. I love all you guys.

Especially you...

I'm gonna make a toast.

To the best bunch of rugby freaks ever born.

Maybe we weren't the smartest guys on campus.

Maybe we spent too much time puking off balconies.

- But we had fun, huh? - Yeah!

Now, some of us are leaving, and that is sad.

But this isn't the end. No way.

We're gonna show this world a thing or two. We're gonna show...

- Richard Hayden? - Tommy.

So where's my dad? I thought he was gonna meet me at the airport.

He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane.

- He said he had a surprise for me. - Maybe. I guess you shoulda called.

I did call, earlier... wh-using the phone.

- Earlier? When was that? - Er, later.

When... Then I uh... l-left a message.

A message? What number did you call?

Two, four, niner...

- five, six, seven, eight... - I can't hear you. You're trailing off.

And did I catch a "niner" in there? Were ya callin' from a walkie-talkie?

No, it was cordless.

You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.

Did you hear I finally graduated?

Yeah, in just a shade under a decade too. Alright.

You know, a lot of people go to college for seven years.

I know. They're called doctors.

Oh, that has to be you.

Spray that thing for bugs?

- Hey what happened to the tire plant? - Shut it down last month.

Would you mind not eating in the car? It's kind of a rule.

Still got your GTX car, huh?

Yep. And I dropped in a 440 Magnum with a Six Pack.

You hang on to a car this cherry, kinda like your suitcase.

"Kinda like your suitcase"!

Hey, what's new with the old gang from high school?

I don't know, Tommy. I didn't really like the old gang from high school.

Hey, the muffler plant's gone too!

- Yup. - Man.

Oh, come on! Dammit!

Oh, that sounds good. Melted chocolate inside the dash.

- That really ups the resale value. - I think you're gonna be OK here.

They have a thin candy shell. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Y-Your brain has the shell on it.

- Are you talking? - Shut up, Richard.

Ron, don't tell me the bank thinks we need to wait it out.

Any business that tires to wait it out will be just that - out.

In auto parts, you're either growin' or you're dyin'

There ain't no third direction.

Tom, you're talking about a huge loan.

Maybe instead of borrowing, you should take on a partner.

No. This always has been and always will be a family firm.

My grandfather founded it in '21.

My father kept it runnin' during the Depression.

My Aunt Aileen ran it when he went to war, and someday my son will run it.

Hi, Dad.

Tommy!

Damn, I'm proud of you, Mr. Big-Time College Grad!

Thanks, Dad.

- You're lookin' great, kid. - Thanks, Mr. Rittenhauer.

- How ya doing, Mr. Reilly? - Oh, real good. Real good.

I had a kidney removed last April, but I still have the other one.

- You remember Mr. Gilmore from the bank. - Nice to see you again, sir.

Why don't you come out on the floor with us?

Gilmore needs reminding of why he does business with us.

Listen, Richard, could you...

run these figures by accounting. No problem.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

We should have something for you by this afternoon.

Hard hats, gentlemen. Get hit in the head without wearing one,

they scoop your brains out with a goddamn soup ladle.

Look alive! Low bridge!

Son of a...!

- You all right, Tommy? - Yeah.

- What happened? - Nothing.

- Danny! How's that new son-in-law? - He's a real pain in the butt.

Tommy, you're back! Way to go on that D-plus!

Hey, thanks, Danny! Lookin' good, man!

- Hey, Tommy! - How ya doin'?

Hey, how are ya? Good to see ya.

How ya doin'?

- Hey, Sammy! - Hey Tommy. Welcome home, buddy.

Tommy, welcome back!

Hang in there, Ron, we're almost there.

Lou, I got papers I want you to sign in the office.

- Hey, Louis! - Hey, Tommy!

What are you doing on the floor?

I was going crazy on the loading docks, so your dad moved me in here.

- What is this thing? - It's a buffer.

I take oil filters that need smoothing and give 'em a quick zap.

- Can I try one? - Help yourself!

Nice distance.

- Tommy! Come on! Let's go! - Yes, sir!

See ya.

Here she is, Ron. My dream.

This, my friend, is our new brake-pad division

and the future of Callahan Auto.

- Quite a sight, Tom. - This is awesome!

You say these brake pads are gonna revolutionize the industry?

- Composed of high-grade steel and graphite. - Goddamn Rolls-Royce of brake pads.

I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.

Woah!

Hey, you're comin' awful fast. How ya doin'?

I need fresh capital for material, for a a new work force...

before I can turn these machines on.

Look out. I've got cat-like speed and reflexes.

In 23 years, have I ever said no to you?

Why say 'no' when it feels so good to say 'yes'?

I was checking the specs on the end line for the rotary... girder...

I'm retarded. I'm...

OK, Tom. Let's go.

Yes, sir.

OK, left.

Can I open my eyes now, Dad?

I told you, you didn't have to close them in the first place, son.

Go ahead. Open 'em up.

- That's my name! - That's your new office, college grad!

Awesome. Hey, there's even a fridge!

This is great!

You could put six-packs of b... soda in here.

Milk, yoghurt... You could put candy bars in the freezer.

Anything that you wanna keep cool.

Mr. Callahan, I need your John Hancock on these reports.

"John Hancock"! It's Herbie Hancock.

Duh.

Richard, check out my new office.

You have a window. And why shouldn't you? You've been here ten minutes.

Son, these are our new catalogues. Get to know them.

Richard, look after Tommy boy here till he gets his feet wet.

Sure. And thanks for choosing me.

We're going home early today. I got another surprise for ya.

Cool. Thanks, Dad.

It's called reading. Top to bottom, left to right.

Group words together as a sentence.

Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.

Shut up.

Can I open my eyes now, Dad?

For God's sake son, will you quit covering your damn eyes!

Holy shnikes!

- Is that for me? - No, son, that's for me.

Oh, man! Dad, she's like a ten.

- Hi, honey. - Hi.

This must be Tommy. Are you Tommy?

- I'm Tommy. - I'm Beverly, and you are just adorable.

Son, I got an announcement to make.

Tom, I've asked Beverly to be my wife.

Whoa! Man!

What'd she say?

It's so cool that you're getting married Saturday. Where'd you guys meet?

We met at a fat-farm spa-resort thing. Beverly was one of the trainers.

In fact, she was the only one of the trainers I didn't wanna plant six feet under a lettuce patch.

Wait till you hear this, Tommy. She's got a son.

He worked at the spa too.

He's a terrific guy. You're really gonna like him. He's coming here today for the wedding.

Tommy, it sounds funny, saying this...

but my son is going to be your new brother.

Brother? I'm gonna have a brother?

I've always dreamed about havin' a brother!

- Speak of the devil. - A brother!

- Brother? - I'm Paul. You must be Tommy.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

I can't believe I have a whole new family. This is awesome.

Yeah. Great.

No offense, but if I sent a picture of your mom to my buddies at school,