Parks and Recreation

- I WILL CERTIFY THE RESULTS AFTER ALL THE PRECINCTS

HAVE REPORTED.

A FINAL TALLY WITHIN 1%

WOULD TRIGGER AN AUTOMATIC RECOUNT.

IN THE EVENT OF AN EXACT TIE,

THE SEAT IS AWARDED TO THE MALE CANDIDATE,

AND THE FEMALE CANDIDATE IS PUT IN JAIL.

- ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE TO OBJECT.

- I DON'T THINK IT WOULD HOLD UP IN COURT,

BUT IT IS CITY LAW.

ANY QUESTIONS? - YES, ACTUALLY.

AT THE 11th HOUR THE NEWPORTS ARE TRYING TO INSTALL

THESE VOTING MACHINES AT SEVERAL PRECINCTS

AROUND TOWN.

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I VOTE FOR BOBBY NEWPORT.

- GOOD CHOICE.

ENJOY A VOUCHER FOR A COMPLIMENTARY

SWEETUMS CANDY BAR.

- SHOULDN'T WE BE REWARDING OUR CITIZENS FOR VOTING?

- I'M NEVER AGAINST ANYONE GETTING A CANDY BAR,

BUT WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU VOTE FOR ME.

- ARE YOU SURE? TAKE A SECOND AND THINK IT OVER.

- THEN YOU HAVE TO PRESS IT AGAIN.

- TO CANCEL YOUR VOTE AND SELECT

SOMEONE BETTER, PRESS THE SWEETUMS LOGO.

- I'M SORRY. I JUST DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM.

*

- BOBBY NEWPORT AND I ARE SEPARATED

BY A RAZOR-THIN MARGIN.

COULD GO EITHER WAY.

I'VE ONLY SLEPT NINE HOURS OVER THE PAST FOUR DAYS,

SO I'M RIGHT ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

THIS ISN'T A BAGEL.

00

IN THE HISTORIC JERMAINE JACKSON BALLROOM

AT THE PAWNEE SUPERSUITES.

IT IS NO LONGER "A PIMPS N' HOES" PAJAMA PARTY.

THAT IDEA WAS NIXED BY A CERTAIN UPTIGHT NERD

WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.

00, WE SHOULD KNOW IF LESLIE WON THE ELECTION,

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, TONIGHT,

ANN AND I ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

- OH, RIGHT, BECAUSE OF THE DREAM YOU HAD?

- LAST NIGHT 30 A.M.,

I WOKE UP FROM A DREAM THAT FELT SO REAL

THAT IT HAD TO BE A PREMONITION.

ME, DRAKE, AND THE T-MOBILE GIRL

WERE PLAYING BACCARAT ON A PRIVATE JET.

ANN PERKINS WALKS UP TO ME, AND SHE SAYS,

"TOMMY, TOMORROW NIGHT, I'M TAKING YOU BACK."

THEN BLUE IVY CARTER HIGH-FIVED ME AND GAVE ME $40 MILLION.

IT WASALLSO REAL.

- THE REASON WHY BOBBY AND I ARE APPEARING TOGETHER

IS TO SEND THE MESSAGE THAT EVERYONE SHOULD GET OUT AND VOTE

NO MATTER WHO THEY'RE VOTING FOR.

- THAT'S RIGHT. ANOTHER AWESOME POINT BY LESLIE.

THAT'S WHY I'M VOTING FOR YOU.

- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

- THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKE.

WHAT JOKE?

IAMVOTING FOR YOU.

- YOU'RE NOT VOTING FOR YOURSELF?

- LESLIE, YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR YOURSELF, I DON'T THINK.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S ILLEGAL.

ANYTHING ELSE?

- HEY, YOU DID AN UNBELIEVABLE JOB

ON THIS CAMPAIGN, BEN.

MY PARTNERS BACK IN WASHINGTON THINK SO TOO.

- WELL, LESLIE GETS THE CREDIT. NOT ME.

LOOK.

YOUR OPPONENT IS LEGENDARILY STUPID

AND I PHONED IT IN PRETTY HARD, BUT YOU HAVE A KNACK FOR THIS.

I'M RUNNING CONGRESSMAN MURRAY'S REELECTION BID.

OHIO, 19.

I NEED SOMEONE TO COORDINATE OUT OF D.C.

YOU WANT TO DO IT?

- YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, BUT THE PACERS CALLED,

AND THEY'RE ASKING ME TO BE THEIR STARTING POINT GUARD.

I'M BEING SERIOUS, BEN.

WHAT?

WHAT, YOU TRUST ME WITH A CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGN?

IS THIS A TRICK?

- NO. THIS IS A JOB OFFER.

GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER SOON.

I NEED YOU IN WASHINGTON IN TWO DAYS.

LOOK AT THAT THING. WHAT IS THAT?

DON'T TOUCH IT.

ANN PERKINS.

CAN I ASK YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING?

SURE.

- RECENTLY IN A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS,

I HAD SEX WITH BOBBY NEWPORT'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER

JENNIFER BARKLEY.

SERIOUSLY?

YES. SEVERAL TIMES.

AND THEN SEVERAL MORE TIMES.

AND THEN A COUPLE MORE TIMES.

AND THEN ONE MORE TIME.

HOW HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

OH, IT WAS JUST LAST NIGHT.

NOW, I KNOW IT'S A ONE-NIGHT STAND

AND THAT SHE'S LEAVING TOWN,

BUT OUR FEROCIOUS SEXUAL DECATHLON

DID RADICALLY IMPROVE MY MOOD.

AND I KIND OF LIKE TO SEE HER AGAIN BEFORE SHE LEAVES.

GOOD IDEA? BAD IDEA?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THE CAMPAIGN'S OVER, SO...

I SUPPOSE IT COULDN'T HURT.

ANN PERKINS.

- APRIL! GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

WHERE ARE YOU?

UNDER THE TABLE.

- WHY ARE YOU HIDING?

SHOULD I HIDE TOO? WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I WAS SUPPOSED TO COPY ALL THE DEPARTMENT FILES

ONTO A THUMB DRIVE, AND IT KEPT FREEZING,

AND I GOT ANNOYED, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED,

BUT ALL THE FILES ARE GONE ON EVERY COMPUTER.

THEY'RE ALL GONE. BABE, THEY'RE ALL GONE.

- OKAY, OKAY. CALM DOWN.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING

BY HIDING UNDER THIS TABLE.

SECONDLY, YOUR MAN IS HERE.

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR US.

I'VE BEEN PLAYING XBOX FOR YEARS.

I'M REALLY GOOD AT FIXING IT WHEN IT FREEZES.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO.

TRY IT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING.

WHAT ABOUT MY SPEECHES?

- FINISHED BOTH OF THEM LAST NIGHT.

ONE IF YOU WIN, ONE IF YOU LOSE.

WHAT IF I TIE?

YOU NEED TO WRITE A TIE-SPEECH FOR ME,

SOMETHING ABOUT THE POETIC NATURE OF DEMOCRACY

AND HOW I'M GOING FIGHT THIS THING FROM MY PRISON CELL--

- LESLIE, RELAX. WE'RE DONE.

ALL THAT'S LEFT IS THE WAITING.

OKAY?

- WHAT WERE YOU TALKING TO JEN ABOUT?

OH, NOTHING.

NO, I JUST--YEAH, NOTHING. SHE--SHE'S--

NOTHING. NOTHING. IT'S NOTHING.

HEY, WHAT'S A GOOD PLACE TO BUY JEANS?

YOU HAVE PLENTY OF JEANS.

WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- JEN OFFERED ME A JOB WORKING ON A CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGN...

- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.

IN WASHINGTON.

WHAT?

ARE YOU HAPPY OR ANGRY?

- I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DID YOU SAY? DID YOU SAY, "YES?"

- I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, IT SOUNDS AMAZING,

BUT YOU KNOW, SIX MONTHS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

AWAY FROM YOU, BUT YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT.

- YEAH. WE'LL JUST TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, WE'LL MULL IT OVER,

WE'LL LOOK AT IT FROM EVERY SIDE.

ET CETERA, ET CETERA. JUST--

I'M GOING TO GO VOTE,

JUST FULFILL A LIFELONG DREAM OF MINE

AND ACHIEVE ONE OF MY ALL-TIME HAPPIEST MOMENTS

REAL QUICK, AND THEN WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT.

COOL.

- LESLIE, I CAN'T FIGURE THIS THING OUT.

CAN YOU HELP ME?

- YEAH, JUST HANG ON A SECOND, BOBBY.

INK ALL OVER MY HANDS,

AND THE PEN THING-Y CAME OFF THE CHAIN.

I DON'T GET IT!

THE POLLS HAVE JUST CLOSED,

AND NOW WE'RE GETTING RESULTS IN THE RACE FOR CITY COUNCIL.

WITH JUST 1% OF THE PRECINCTS REPORTING,

ADULT FILM STAR BRANDI MAXXXX HAS A COMMANDING LEAD.

- OH, MY GOD. THAT'S IT.

IT'S NOT BOBBY NEWPORT WHO'S GOING TO BEAT ME,

IT'S BRANDI MAXXXX, THE PORN STAR.

WHAT IS THIS? ITALY?

- LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE STRESSED OUT,

AND I FIGURED YOU WOULD BE,

SO I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ARRANGING

A FUN LITTLE ACTIVITY FOR US.

- YOU DID? - MM-HMM.

- OH, ANN. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'VE SAID THIS TO YOU BEFORE,

AND I KNOW IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE...

OH, BOY.

- BUT YOU'RE THOUGHTFUL, AND YOU'RE BRILLIANT,

AND YOUR AMBIGUOUS ETHNIC BLEND PERFECTLY REPRESENTS

THE DREAM OF THE AMERICAN MELTING POT.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

- ANOTHER, DANA, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

- RON, I HANDED OUT 1,000 LEAFLETS TODAY.

THAT IS A PERSONAL BEST. NOW I'M OFF TO VOTE.

THE POLLS ARE CLOSED.

- WHAT? NO, NO, NO.