Meet the Frasers

I swear to God your father is walking around in heaven,

and I think I just saw balls.

Im Matt Fraser and I am a psychic medium.

Hes smoking the silly smoke on the other side.

You cant put a price on this face, you know that, right?

I have a two year waiting list for private readings,

and by the time I was 25, I made myself a millionaire.

I look orgasmic.

My mom would love to get a picture with you.

People absolutely love me.

I love you.

I love when I get recognized.

Um.

Im sorry and this is my girlfriend.

Sorry, was I supposed to introduce you?

Gorgeous.

I am Alexa Papigiotis,

former Miss Rhode Island Teen USA.

My ultimate dream is to go to Miss USA.

We are, like, the perfect couple.

Well, thats not true because I still cant **** in front of her.

This is me and you.

Cant come apart.

I hear a lot of talking, but I see no boxes.

I think you need to shut up.

Everyone always said, "Dont hire family."

Stupid me, I hire my family.

You can never fire your mother.

This is why you cant work with family.

You are the sister of a world-renowned psychic medium.

You cant be afraid of ghosts.

God made me this way.

I know, Ive been asking why ever since.

No one loves Matt Fraser more than Matt Fraser.

I am a broken man. Yeah.

I dont know what a psychic power is, I dont get it.

Whats a psychic power?

Im all cannoli and meatballs.

Youre still half Fraser.

Im not half Scottish. I am 49 percent.

Damn! You cant spell smother without mother.

I think you really need to go and lay down, let me see, are you all right?

Dont you dare. Dont you even dare.

Moms like your second girlfriend.

This feels too weird.

Shhh.

Matts family is nuts.

I feel like I wanna kill somebody.

Your family is just as crazy as my family.

I breastfed both of you, you **** bitches.

I cant breathe.

You came right from these loins.

Shes got nice loins, by the way.

Maybe youre doing it wrong.

Thats why youre not pregnant.

Come on, its time to mangiare.

In Rhode Island you cant swing a dead cat

without hitting an Italian.

No meat-a-balls for you.

We have our own way of communicating.

Hand movements, sounds...

...and words you never heard before.

Malocchio.

Schifoso factor.

Gabadost.

Were loud, were Italian and we say it like it is.

Up yours, buddy.

Never go against the family.

This is so nice. So nice.

This is beautiful.

Its so nice to get some sun.

Right in here.

It says private.

Yeah, I know. I know a guy.

Your brother doesnt only just have connections with the dead.

Um, a member at literally every yacht club.

Matt, you dont even own a yacht. I love this.

Yeah, but you know what I love? Is being able to spend it with you.

Thats how I feel. We get to do all of this together.

You guys get one in. Im going to look this way for two seconds.

You guys get one in.

We have two seconds..

Enough! Thats it. Im right here.

I love you guys, but, like, everywhere we go

its the matching outfits. This is ridiculous.

If you think this is ridiculous,

we even have matching underwear.

Yes, we do.

We love to match one another.

This is Alexas way of showing everybody else that Im hers.

This is my man, dont look.

Right.

Im trying out this new thing...

Where is your shirt?

I want my man titties out.

Everything in Matts life becomes extra. Like super extra.

Woo-hoo-hoo. Put it back on.

Babe.

Its a good thing that his profession

is talking to dead people

because he has no clue about the living.

Hold on.

Are you serious?

Hold on, wait.

I knew Matt was going to be my boyfriend just by looking at him.

Really, guys? Selfies?

I love his voice.

Like that voice is so distinct, its so different,

but I could listen to it all day.

Its like music to my ears.

Wait one second. Okay.

You know what? Now youre going to take the picture.

Wait a minute. My girdle is riding up, hold on. Im sorry.

Like, do it, like in private. These are the good ones.

Are you **** kidding me right now? No, this is it.

Right on the inside. Matt, just button it up.

No, shes taking pictures of me with fixing my...

All right, button it up so we can take more pictures.

The girdle is for the tripe.

What does that even mean?

Youre talking about your fat?

Thats what they call the cow stomach, the tripe.

So youre calling yourself a cow?

No. Im just saying that-- you know, it could be...

Were building a brand. Its called Malexa...

Malexa? When people-- Its both our names.

Stands for Matthew and Alexa.

Worked for Brangelina, works for us.

They broke up.

I-- You-- Why do you gotta ruin it like that? Why do you gotta ruin it?

Guys, whats going on down there?

Why do you have the smallest box?

Honey. Im the mother.

So you know, Im the boss. I ta--

I give it to you, you take it up.

No, Im the boss.

You got the stugatz, and Im the boss.

Working with family is tough.

I mean, I love it,

but I absolutely hate it at the same time.

Like my boots?

Id like it better if they were on you.

Matt, they hurt my feet, come on.

I mean, my mother never has her act together.

Shes got pink slippers on,

stockings all the way up to her wazu.

This one drags her feet when shes walking.

All I hear is the dragging.

Leave her alone.

Draggin feet, draggin ass.

My dad also works with me,

but the one thing that I find odd

is that he doesnt even believe in speaking to the dead.

He doesnt even understand or believe in what I do.

This is a sold out event today. Theres going to be thr--

350 people.

My God, that guys-- Look ther-- Wave.

Wave-- wave.

Hi!

See ya there. My God.

That was your fan beeping the horn.

How do they know that its us?

How do they know its me? Is he for real?

Hello, everybody and welcome!

Before we begin I just want to tell a little bit about myself

because the gift of psychic ability

has run in my family from generation to generation.

It started with my grandmother,

who had this gift.

Who passed it on to my mom

and in turn passed it on to me.

When I first started seeing and hearing dead people,

I had no idea what was going on.

I remember being in my room yelling and screaming

for my mom to come in and to help me

because I was seeing ghosts and hearing voices.

Can you all stand up?

Instead of my mom coming in the room like,

"Thats okay, Matt.

You can sleep with my and your dad tonight,"

my mother gave no **** whatsoever.

My mothers words to me was, "Never be afraid of the dead."

Did you lose your husband, as well?

My first and second husband, yeah.

How many husbands did you have?

Im on my third.

God bless.

Growing up being psychic was not easy for me.

I tried my hardest to push this ability away,

but I went to go see a medium about a girl I used to liked,

about all the normal teenage questions.

And instead I left hearing that I was a medium.

Hold on, Im listening.

And I actually had to leave my full time job, as an EMT,

because I realized I could use this ability

to help people, just in a different way.

Your brother just showed me all these strange women lining up at a casket.

And theyre like, "Who are you?"

And theyre like, "I used to date him."

And then the woman next to her is like, "I used to date him."