Baywatch

COME ON, WE GOTTA HAVE IT.

NO WAY.

-GET IN THE SPIRIT OF GIVING, B.J.

NO BOARD, NO CEREMONY. NO CEREMONY, NO WAVES.

-BUT IT'S NEW. IT'S NEVER EVEN BEEN IN THE WATER.

THAT'S THE POINT, MAN.

IF THE SURF SACRIFICE'S GOING TO WORK,

IT'S GOTTA BE A VIRGIN BOARD.

YOU WANT THE WAVES, DON'T YOU?

-VIRGIN SURFBOARD OR VIRGIN SURFER...

IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

TAKE IT. TAKE THE DAMN BOARD.

THAT'S WEAK, MAN. THAT'S ALL A BUNCH OF SUPERSTITIOUS JUNK.

-WOULD YOU GET WITH THE CALIFORNIA SWING?

VIRGIN SURFBOARD BURNING IS A WELL-RESPECTED CUSTOM.

SO START RESPECTING IT.

WHAT SPIT!

LIKE YOU BURNED A LOT OF SURFBOARDS IN PHILI.

-NO, WE DIDN'T BURN BOARDS EXACTLY,

BUT WE HAD OUR FAIR SHARE OF CUSTOMS.

- ALL RIGHT, LA, IT'S A FANTASTIC HOUR...

HI, HONEY. MORNING.

-DON'T. -WHY?

IT'S THE FOURTH TIME THIS WEEK. IT'S BECOMING A ROUTINE.

-IT TAKES FOURTEEN OR FIFTEEN AT LEAST TO MAKE A ROUTINE.

GOOD MORNING.

-HI. I'M REALLY SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,

BUT I SEEM TO BE OUT OF SUGAR, CAN I BORROW SOME?

NO BOTHER. COME ON IN.

OH, GREAT, THANKS.

YOUR COFFEE SMELLS A LOT BETTER THAN MINE.

HAVE SOME.

REALLY? GREAT.

WANT SOME EGGS? PANCAKES?

-THAT WOULD BE GREAT, IF IT'S NO BOTHER.

NO BOTHER.

WEDNESDAY IT WAS A BLACK SUIT.

I DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

ME NEITHER.

-YESTERDAY IT WAS YOUR BEST SPORTS JACKET

AND THAT GREEN TIE YOUR MOTHER GAVE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS.

-I DIDN'T SAY A WORD. -ME NEITHER.

-TODAY, IT'S A SHIRT, A TIE, AND SHORTS.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY A WORD.

I FIGURE YOU'LL GET AROUND TO OPENING UP TO ME.

ME TOO.

WHAT?

I'M GOING THROUGH A LITTLE CULTURE SHOCK.

WORKING AT HOME IS AN IDEA THAT'S NEW TO ME.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I'D EASE INTO IT UNTIL...

I'M COMFORTABLE ENOUGH WORKING ON A BRIEF IN MY SHORTS.

IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME...

I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.

LIKE DRUMS IN THE JUNGLE,

WORD GETS OUT FAST WHEN THE SURF'S UP.

DON'T MIND ME.

I'M MAKING MY ROUNDS ON FOOT THIS MORNING.

OH.

THIS IS THE FIRST GOOD SWELL IN WEEKS,

CAN I GIVE THE GUYS JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER?

NO.

WINNING MOST CONGENIAL LIFEGUARD AWARD ISN'T IMPORTANT.

IT'S TIME TO TURN THE WATER OVER TO THE SWIMMERS.

RAISE THE BLACKBALL AND BRING THEM IN.

HEY!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

-LIEUTENANT'S RECHECK ON WEDNESDAY.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M IN SHAPE.

GOOD LUCK.

THEY'VE BUT THE FLAG UP, WE'VE GOT TO GO BACK.

-THIS STINKS, MAN! HOW CAN THEY BLACKBALL US NOW!

THEY CAN'T.

I'M NOT GOING IN BECAUSE OF SOME SQUID SUCKING FLAG.

OH!

WOW!

-WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, CUTTING ME OFF LIKE THAT?

WHO YOU TALKING TO, GRANDPA?

A BRAIN-DEAD PUNK, THAT'S WHO!

-WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE CLUE, GRANDPA,

AND GET YOUR UGLY ELEPHANT GUN OUT OF MY WATER?

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TAKE UP ANOTHER SPORT.

I COULD GIVE YOU A FEW TIPS ABOUT BOXING.

YEAH? YEAH.

HEY, GUYS, FLAG'S UP!

TAKE YOUR BOARDS OUT OF THE WATER!

NO WAY, BLONDIE.

COME SIT ON MY BOARD, I'LL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE.

-HEY! YOU'VE HEARD THE LIFEGUARD.

SURFING AND SWIMMING DON'T MIX. LET'S MOVE IT.

-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THOSE SILLY SHORTS?

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE.

-I GUESS ALL THAT CHATTER BACK IN PHILLY PAID OFF.

LOOKS LIKE WE BOTH MADE IT TO THE BEACH BOY COAST.

DO I KNOW YOU?

-YOU WANT TO PLAY MAKE-BELIEVE, IT'S FINE WITH ME.

-ALL RIGHT. SURFING IS THROUGH FOR THE DAY. LET'S GO.

WATCH MY BOARD.

WHO WAS THAT GUY?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

HE SURE ACTED LIKE HE KNEW YOU.

I'LL CHECK WITH YOU LATER.

-ME AND YOU, WE HAVE SOME SERIOUS CATCHING UP TO DO.

-GAME'S OVER, MAN. WE DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO TALK.

WHAT'S WITH THE ATTITUDE?

IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU.

-FIND ANOTHER BEACH. GO HANG OUT AT ZUMA.

-LOOK, ON LINCOLN, THERE'S A BAR CALLED ABEL'S.

THE KIND OF PLACE WE USED TO TRASH ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.

STOP BY SOMETIME. BUY ME A DRINK.

BUY ME THREE YEARS' WORTH. THAT'S WHAT YOU COST ME

WE BOTH DID OUR TIME.

ALL I'VE GOT TO SAY TO YOU, IS SEE YOU IN THE NEXT LIFE.

-NOW THAT I KNOW THE COLOR OF YOUR SHORTS,

YOU CAN'T HIDE, MAN.

HEY, GUYS!

SORRY, NO INFLATABLE DEVICES ALLOWED IN THE WATER.

-WHERE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO GO FLOATING? THE SAND?

YOU TELL HER, TREVOR!

HE'S OUR LIFEGUARD.

HE'S RIGHT.

-YOUR PRIVATE CLUB ENDS AT THE WATER, YOU KNOW IT.

MORNING.

HEY, GUYS!

YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT RAFT IN THE WATER!

THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED.

AH!

TAKE IT UP TO THE CLUBHOUSE.

YOU COUNTY LIFEGUARDS REALLY KNOW HOW TO SIFT

THE LAST GRAIN OF FUN FROM A BEACH DAY.

-YOU TAKE SOME TIME TO LEARN THE RULES, FOLLOW PROCEDURES,

YOU'D MAKE EVERYBODY'S BEACH DAY A LOT MORE FUN.

-THERE'S ONLY ONE RULE ON MY BEACH, NOBODY DROWNS,

AND SO FAR THAT'S NEVER BEEN BROKEN.

SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PROCEDURES AND SHOVE THEM.

-AS USUAL, PROFESSIONAL TO THE CORE.

RECHECK, HUH?

-DON'T WORRY. IT'S ONLY FOR LIEUTENANTS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS WHAT THORPE HAS IN MIND?

-YOU KNOW THORPE AS WELL AS I DO.

YEAH. IT'S GOING TO BE HELL...

OH.

-HELLO. - HI, IT'S JIMMY ROCHE.

EDDIE'S FRIEND.

HE SAID I SHOULD MEET HIM HERE.

-MY FOOD'S BURNING-- OKAY, COME ON UP.

IN THE KITCHEN.

NICE DIGS.

I APPRECIATE YOU LETTING ME IN.

IT'S MRS. POMEROY, RIGHT?

GINA.

GINA. OKAY.

EDDIE SAID YOU WERE COOL.

I WONDER WHERE HE IS? HE TOLD ME TO BE HERE SIX SHARP.

-THE MARKET. I LOVE COOKING. I HATE FOOD SHOPPING.

I DO ANYTHING TO AVOID IT.

THERE'S BEER, WINE, HELP YOURSELF.

-I DON'T DRINK. GOES STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD.

-DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU? GET ALL THE LUMPS OUT OF THIS.

IT'S MY FIRST TIME WITH THE WOK IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY.

THE PLACE WAS JAMMED.

LIKE THEY'RE GIVING THE STUFF AWAY FOR FREE.

-STORES NEVER GIVE THINGS AWAY FOR FREE, EDDIE.

IT'S BAD FOR BUSINESS.

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT GINA.

SHE'S A REAL PIECE OF WORK.

-I DIDN'T KNOW YOU TALKED ABOUT ME TO YOUR FRIENDS.

I'M FLATTERED. PIECE OF WORK...

YOUR CHANGE.

I GOT EVERYTHING BUT THE ARTICHOKES.

THEY WERE TOO SOFT.

JIMMY, LET'S HIT THE ROAD.

HEAVY DUTY CANVAS.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH. MUST'VE COST MAJOR BUCKS.

I LIKE THIS GUY. I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY,

EVEN IF YOU TOLD HIM I'M AN ARTIST.

JIMMY, LET'S GO.

NO, NO, HE DIDN'T TELL ME THAT.