The Giant Mechanical Man

Excuse me? Excuse me? Is the train late?

- Hi, I'm here for a temp job. - Mr. Mahoney is in the hallway.

- Excuse me? Are you Mr. Mahoney? - Yeah.

Hi, I'm Janice, the temp.. From 'Permanent Temps.'

- Yeah, I'm sorry I'm late. The train was..uh... - What size jacket then?

- Ahhh... Small? - Small says the late girl.

You could put that on.

Okay... See this door? The lock is broken. Won't stay locked.

Not that it matters, there's nothing inside but an empty closet. ... See that?

Yeah.

Empty. But maintenance can't fix it until tomorrow. So I need you to stand here.

Now if anybody comes down here, anybody gets lost, starts wondering around,

- I need you to make sure they don't open this door. - Okay.

- Like a goalie. You block 'em. Got it? - Yeah.

- That jacket is way too big. - I know. - Way too big.

If you'd gotten here on time, I could've gotten you a small. The smalls are the first to go.

- I apologize. - Ahh, doesn't matter.

No one's gonna come down here anyway.

Get to work!

Hi, one ticket please.

- Hello? - You're late.

- For what? - Tim?! We said no stilts inside.

- Late for what? - For my work party.

- You didn't say anything about a work party. - Uh, yeah, I did.

- Do I have to go? - Yes.

Shit.

I know what they told you, you must be in a suit, see? What did I say? Can you at least take the hat off?

Oh hey. .. Hi.

- Blew my bonus already. - Really? Again?

S-Class 500, black, leather, Fully loaded.

That's great. Beautiful car.

- Can I Get a whiskey neat, please? - Look who dressed up for the party.

- So I got a new plasma. - Bitchin'. - Yeah. Fifty-incher, Full HD, surround, everything.

- You watch porn on it? - Oh, dude, I was watching this one...

- This bitch is wearing this little thong, and the zits on her ass are like this big. In High Def? So raunchy. - Nice!

- Hey man, there's a lady right here, so? - OK, buddy.

- So it's 50 inches, how much that cost you? - Like three grand. - Well that's Not bad...

- You're kidding, right? - Excuse me? - Three thousand dollars for a TV? Ever heard of books?

- No, we didn't have those at Harvard. - Tim, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Pauline, who is this guy? - He.. Um.. He's just kidding. Sorry.

- No, I'm not. No, I'm not kidding. - He's kidding. Tim.

- What's on your neck anyway? Is that makeup? - Yeah, it's makeup, it's silver makeup.

- The dude's wearing makeup. - Bye bye.

We need to have a talk, Janice.

- About what? - To be frank, I don't think this is working out too well.

- What do you mean? - We get a lot of complaints about you.

- What kind of complaints? - Just complaints, people not happy.

Do you want me to read you some? Let's see here...

Uh... okay... "She seems distracted and disinterested".

"Her heart's not in it and her head's in the clouds."

"Sometimes she reminds me of a speak and spell." Do you have any idea what that means?

It does not matter. The point is we pride ourselves here on a reputation for smart, reliable, hardworking temps, okay?

- I'm reliable, George. - Just hang on, let me finish.

You are reliable. yes, and, you're a nice person, but, you're not personable.

- What d'ya mean? - What do I mean... Um...

- Have you ever seen "Three's Company"? - The TV show?

Yeah. You know Janet, the roommate? She is an example of what I'm talking about.

She has a lot of charisma. I mean, people want to see her again and again and again.

That's why the show lasted so long. I mean, I watched her every night.

So what you're saying, is that you want me to be more like Janet from "Three's Company"?

I mean I am saying that, but I'm not really saying that. Because what I'm really saying is, you know, you're fired.

That's what I'm actually saying. You're fired.

Okay.

Hi, I'm calling about the job listing in the paper today. Oh, Really?

Okay. Thank you.

- Hey, Janice. Got a second? - Sure, Craig.

- Okay, um. How Do I Say This. The rent is due on the first. - I know.

Really? Because your rent usually arrives in my box around the 20th, and that won't work.

- I know, I'm sorry, Craig. I'm trying. - Look, times are tough, I get it, okay ..

.. but there are certain facts of life we all have to live by 'em.

Why is the rent due on the first day of the month? Beats me, it just worked out that way, you know?

Someone, uh, invented months and then someone invented rent.

And then someone decided that rent is due on the first day of the month.

- I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. - No, it's um, I understand, um, I'll figured it out.

- Thank you. - Okay

Where.

Hi. Hi, I'm Hal Baker, I, ahh, have this segment on nine news called "Man on the Street".

Anyway, um, I'm wondering if you be interested in being interviewed?

Hello? Oh, right, you gotta, okay... Give him some money.

Alright. Interested?

Okay, uh, here, give me a call. Thanks.

Hey. I got some good news. Okay, listen to this,

Today this guy, I'm downtown .. slow day .. That's not important ..

The point is I'm gonna be on TV.

Did you hear me? I'm gonna be on a TV show, I'm gonna be... on a TV show.

- I thought you hated TV. - Yeah, I do, not this kind though.

- What kind? - This is educational, it's on the news.

- Oh. Okay. - Wow.

Try to contain your enthusiasm, Pauline.

- What's up, Mark? - Tim, you're all silver. Ha.

Ahh... I'll be right there.

What's your brother doing here?

I'm leaving you, Tim.

- Your... Wait, what? Are you coming back? - No.

You're leaving? Where's your suitcase?

- I don't need a suitcase. This isn't a movie. - I don't understand.

I'm sick of it, Tim, I'm sick of the robot.

- I'm sick of the struggle. - This again. The struggle's a part of the art, Pauline.

- Van Gogh never sold a painting. - Tim, you're not Van Gogh, okay?

Okay. Well... I'm not saying I'm an artist, but people have called me an artist.

You know what? I do need a suitcase.

If it looks like a duck and it acts like a duck, then it's a duck.

- What's a duck? - I'm a duck. - What are you talking about?

If it's quacks, and has web feet and feathers then it's a duck, babe.

- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about me. - But I'm not, see? I am talking about us.

I am talking about leaving you and you're talking about ducks.

- Because I thought you believed in me. - I never believed in you, Tim. I just thought it was charming.

I'll be in the car.

- Hey guy ... - What the hell's goin' on out there?

Can I give you some advice, man to man, Do you mind? Cause, I really like you.

But you know what I see when I looked at you? You're thirty-somethin', you're poor,

my sister's leaving you, you got no real future to speak of,

And you know why that is? Look, I'll tell you why that is.

Because, people weren't meant to live like this.

Painted up like a metal guy.

There's a reason the entire population gets up in the morning and clogs the freeways, because they gotta go to work.

That's a part of life and always has been. You know? You're a farmer.

I mean, whether you like it or not, you're a farmer and you have got to plow the fields.

- What fields? - You know what I'm saying.

You think I wanna sit behind a desk, in a little room and push a pencil around the paper all day?

Hell no! But I do it. Why?

You know that song by The Little River Band, 'Have you heard about the lonesome loser"?

- Great song. - Well, Tim, if you're not careful, you're gonna end up like the guy in that song.

You're a farmer. Plow the fields.

- Hello? - Where are you, Janice? - Oh, hey Jill. - Are you coming over? Oh... Hold on, hold on.

I know. We ran out of dip.

- Janice? - Yeah. - Did you hear me? I said we ran out of dip.

- I didn't know you were talking to me. - Huh? - I said I didn't know you were talking to me!

- What does that mean? - I thought you were talking to someone at the party.

- I'm talking to you, I called you, Janice. - No, I know, but... - Aah, Jesus Christ, Janice. Are you even listening?

We ran out of dip. For the chips. We have no more dip!

- Okay, I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry, Just, bring some more dip.

- I'll pay you back, don't worry, you're coming, right? Janice? - Yeah, I'm coming!

Okay great, just bring some more dip, and I'll...

- Why'd you ring the door bell? - I don't know.

So weird. Just walk in.

- Bring the dip? - Yup. - Hey, Janice.

- Honey, you've gotta come hear Larry's wisdom tooth story. - Okay, we'll be there in a minute. - Hey, Brian.

- I want you to meet someone. - What? No, no, I don't, I don't want to .. - Oh, come here.

- I wasn't planning to stay, yeah, because I'm not feeling right. - You're fine. - No, I really... - There he is.

- Steps, you gotta follow 'em. - All right, let's go. - No, I'm not feeling good...

- Yes. Just take off your jacket. - Stop it!

- Doug. - Hey... - this is my sister I was telling you about.

- Ohhh. Hey, Jill's sister. - Alright, you two have fun.

- Hey, I'm Doug Duncan. - Hi, I'm Janice. - Hey, Janice. - Hi.

- That's a really pretty sweater that you have on. - Oh. - Is that wool?

- Uh, I don't know. - Hmm, it feels like wool.

- Is it itchy? - Uh, not really. - I once had a wool sweater, it was really itchy.

I almost wore it when I was flying to London, first class, for a book signing.

- I'm an author. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, well, I guess they fly you first class to these things, I don't know...

But I'm lucky I didn't wear the sweater because when I got there I had to go right from the airport

to a live interview at the BBC. So...

- The British Broadcasting Company. - Right.

- Anyway, uh, what do you do? - Um .. I don't really know how to answer that.

Corporation, sorry. British Broadcasting Corporation. I always do that.

Uhh, but it was tough, you know, it was like three hours, and if had I worn the wool sweater. I'd be like, you know, itchy much.

But it's serious, you can't be itchy on camera. It's like a big no-no.

So, um. Do you have any hobbies? One of my hobbies is helping kids?

Blind kids, build a church?

Residents on the south side are finding themselves knee deep in sewage

after a pipe broke near the corner of Washington Boulevard and Main Street.

City officials have shut down Washington in order to fix the problem.

And we're told, construction could keep the road closed through the New Year.

Boy, that's gonna make it rough on some of our commuters. But let's take this over to Hal Baker, our man on the street.

- Who actually isn't on the street today. He's in the studio. Hal? - That's right, John. Thank you.

So some of you may have seen my next guest out on the street some afternoon and wondered "Who the heck is that guy?"

Well we're here to find out. His name is Tim Tucker And he's known as the "The Giant Mechanical Man."

- Hi, Tim - Hi. - Hey! That's quite an outfit you got there, huh?

Oh thanks, I, I've been, uh, sort of refining it over the years.

Well, that brings me to my first question. Why'dcha choose to start doing this, uh, robot thing?

Why'd I choose to do it. Uh. This just happens to be my talent.

- Interesting. - And I feel like, um...

Um, and also maybe that people would, you know, brighten people's lives up.

- What'd'ya mean? - I guess, I feel like modern life.. .. can be alienating.

And It can be like you're mindlessly walking through it, like a robot.

And, you can feel lost.

I guess I just want people to know that they're not crazy, okay?

Everybody at home, everybody watching the show today, you're not crazy, I mean, life is crazy, right?

Maybe if you see a giant mechanical man, you know, wandering down the street, towards you.

You know, maybe that could put it into perspective, everything. You know?

- You know what would be good for your routine? Break-dancing. - Break-dancing.

Like the wave! Can you do the wave?

- No, I don't do that, I don't do the wave. - You know what I mean, the wave.

- No, Yeah, No, I know what it is, I just don't, I don't do it. - Right. Right. Uh, I used to be able to moonwalk.

Here..., here he goes.

That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm, I'm, I don't do that sort of stuff, the wave, the moonwalk. I'm not that kind of...

Oh you should. It's fun!

Alright dude. Are we done?