Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical

This had better not be a stag film.

What's in this movie? - I wanted to watch it ahead of time.

But he said it'd spoil the emotional impact. A real show man, that one!

You haven't seen it? You're the principal We're showin' it in your school.

What if he is some kind of huckster? - Oh, no, no Mr. Mayor.

This guy's on the up and up. He works with some federal agency.

Federal ? I guess it's okay, then.

Exactly what I thought.

Maree...

Maree -jew -wanna.

Maree -jew... jew ?

Maree...

Excuse me. Do you know how to say this ? I don't speak Mexican.

Good evening. - Good evening.

I want to thank you all for braving the weather and coming out tonight

Over the years your Benjamin Harrison High School

has hosted numerous functions, Graduations, for example,

Your annual Christmas pageants

The Drama Club's recent and so I'm told, highly lauded presentation

of Green Grow the Lilacs.

But no purpose this room has ever served is more important

than that which brings myself and my able assistant Mr. Blumsack

to your community tonight.

I assume worthy parents like yourselves have photos of your kids in your wallets.

right ?

Could you take them out and look at them ?

Fine looking young lad.

My, she's the spitting image, isn't she?

You all looking carefully? Good.

For those pictured before you could be the targets of a deadly assassin!

An assassin of youth!

A new drug menace, destroying our children in alarmingly increasing numbers.

Marijuana, is that drug ! A violent narcotic,

An unspeakable scourge.

The real public enemy number one.

CREEPING LIKE A COMMUNIST, IT'S KNOCKING AT OUR DOORS!

TURNING ALL OUR CHILDREN INTO HOOLIGANS AND WHORES!

VORACIOUSLY DEVOURING

THE WAY THINGS ARE TODAY

SAVAGELY DEFLOWERING THAT GOOD OLD U.S.A.

IT'S...

REEFER MADNESS,

REEFER MADNESS!

REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS!

OH SO MAD!

SEE THE KIDS,

PRECIOUS KIDS,

YES, THEIR HEADS ARE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK

CAN'T IGNORE ANYMORE IT COULD BE YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER,

WITH A DEADLY STICK OF REEFER IN THE HAND!

HEADING STRAIGHT FOR... - REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS!

REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS!

SAVE OUR KIDS!

STEALTHY AS A SOCIALIST... IT SLITHERS UP OUR SHORES.

TURNING ALL OUR CHILDREN INTO HOOLIGANS AND WHORES.

THIS SMOKING BOWL OF EVIL, THIS SMOKING BOWL OF EVIL

IT BURROWS LIKE AWEEVIL UNDER TENDER CHRISTIAN SKIN! YES!

REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS. REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS!

OH SO MAD!

PULL THE WOOL! FROM YOUR EYES!

WE'RE IN NEED OF RIGHTEOUS SOLDIERS FOR THIS MERRYWONDER

HAS TO BE DESTROYED!

FIGHT THE URGE OF THE SCOURGE, DESTRUCTIVE BUT SEDUCTIVE!

SO SOME DRASTIC MEASURES HAVE TO BE DEPLOYED.

PUT AN END TO... REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS.

REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS. OH SO MAD!

DEADLY AS THE DEMOCRATS, THAT EMPTY OUT OUR STORES!

TURNING ALL OUR CHILDREN INTO HOOLIGANS AND WHORES!

TEENAGERS ACROSS THE LAND, ARE GLUED AND OVER-SEXED.

IF YOU FAIL TO DRAW THE LINE, YOU'RE BABIES WILL BE NEXT!

REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS. REEFER MADNESS, REEFER MADNESS.

OH SO MAD!

TELL YOUR CHILDREN! REEFER MADNESS. FIGHT THE MENACE!REEFER MADNESS.

KILL THE DEVIL! REEFER MADNESS. SAVE THE COUNTRY! REEFER MADNESS.

MADNESS, MADNESS, MADNESS, MADNESS, REEFER'S MADE US CRAZY

BARKING - MAD!

Some of you may think I'm overreacting. - I'll say! I think

You've come to the wrong town, pal. - That thing isn't a problem around here

you don't know our kids! You'd be surprised how often I hear that.

What makes this particular drug so dangerous, is that there are

No forbidden needles or snorting powders ?

Children smoke a reefer stick!

Thinking it to be an ordinay, perfectly harmless cigarette.

The kind we all enjoyed as teenagers.

And before you can say Jack Robinson, they are enslaved!

But don't take myword for it,

hear the shocking, sordid facts, and judge for yourselves.

The filmed presentation you're about to witness,

chronicles, The Harper affair.

A true stoy,exhaustively documented in the fine newspapers of

Mr. William Randolph Hearst

A true stoy, that took place in a tow

vey much like your own.

Meet Jimmy Harper, a young lad of some sixteen summers.

Well mannered, hardworking, an all around credit to the community.

Right now, Jimmy's hurying to school,

Hoping to run into a vey special young lady, Mary Lane.

Mary was a healthy young miss of good American breeding stock.

God fearing, civic minded and vey much in love.

Just a harmless old turtle. See?

Off you go. I thought it was a rat.

Mary I cary your books? Yes, Mary and Jimmywere destined,

to share a love that would last a lifetime.

Tragically, it would be the brief lifetime of a fruit fly.

It's sweet of you to help me study Romeo and Juliet.

Without your help, come exam time, I would've been on a trip for biscuits!

Well it, it's my pleasure. Ah, where would you like to start?

Probably the Pru-low-gwee. Pru-low-gwee.

I think you mean prologue. I got that confused with Mon-tay-gwee.

That's not even a real word. I looked it up in two dictionaries.

Montague. It's Romeo's last name. You are so smart.

My mother says you're a boy who's going places.

you talk about me to your mother ? I talk about you to eveybody!

Forsooth, fair Juliet. Wouldst thou likest yon hot chocolate?

Wherever did you learn to speak like that?

It's fancy talk. From Romeo and Juliet.

'Cause, when a guy wants to, woo a girl, he needs you know, the right language.

Are you tying to woo me, Jimmy Harper ?

I NEED WORDS TO TELL YOU 'BOUT MY POUNDING HEART:

FOUR DOLLAR WORDS THAT MAKE A GUY SOUND SMART.

WELL I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY INVENTED SHAKESPEARE

HIS ARTICULATIONS OF A LOVER'S PALPITATIONS ARE SO KEEN.

MY BOUNTY IS AS BOUNDLESS AS THE SEA!

MY LOVE AS DEEP THE MORE I GIVE TO THEE.

OH YOU SOUND SO DREAMY WHEN YOU TALK LIKE SHAKESPEARE!

A BIG VOCABULARY SHOULD BE CUSTOMARY WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE...

LA LA LA LA LA LA YOU'RE A SNOWY DOVE.

LA LA LA PRODIGIOUS BIRTH OF LOVE.

LA LA LA HIP HOORAY FOR SHAKESPEARE!

SURE AS I AM BREATHING, YOU CAN MAKE

ELIZABETHAN LANGUAGE FUN

WE ARE JUST LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET. WE'RE HAPPY, YOUNG,

AND BUBBLING WITH LOVE.

I CAN'T WAIT, TO READ THE ENDING!

I CAN'T EITHER! BUT I'M SURE, IT TURNS OUT REAL SWELL.

I BET ROMEO, MARRIES HIS JULIET.

AND THEY HAVE A BABY. AND MAKES LOTS OF FRIENDS.

THAT'S PROBABLY THE WAY THE PLAY ENDS.

YOU DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES HOW TO BURN REAL BRIGHT.

HANGING LIKE A JEWEL UPON THE CHEEK OF NIGHT.

HARK WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS HERE?

WILL BE FUTURE SPOUSES PUT A PLAGUE ON BOTH OUR HOUSES

IF WE'RE WRONG. SHAKESPEARE!

The sad truth is,

That if our schools spent less time indoctrinating our children

in the works of, Bill Shakespeare, and focused instead on the work

of a far superior author...

things might have turned out differently. And the delicate heart

of young love might not have been stabbed.

Stabbed, and pinned, to the shameful corkboard of, the reefer den!

Come on, Mae! Get up off your duff!

What time is it Jack? Time to give this place a goin' over.

It looks like the Marines have landed. That bunch last night was high

Party's over Sally.

What a night. I was in more laps than a napkin.

Great, now the damn baby's awake.

Hold your water!

Momma's coming.

Damn stairs.

Look at all this weed! Pastures of plenty!

Keep your ham-hooks off my product! Just checking for bugs!

We need a better class of clientele. he's old enough to know what he's doing.

Not like those kids you bring up here. Ah, stop squawking at me!

You got more static than the radio.

I'll press bricks over to the Five & Dime Bring back a couple more kids.

You got a problem with that? Well maybe I do!

You better tune me in and get my signal right.

Around here, I call the shots.

Jack!

Almost forgot.

Can't get through the morning without a little toot, can you?

See you in the funny papers.

I OUGHTA LEAVE HIM.

BUT SOMETHING MAKES ME STAY.

IT'S THE STUFF.

I'D TRY TO KILL HIM,

BUT MY GUY GIVES ME LOVE AND THE STUFF.

SOMETIMES HE'S ROUGH.

HE THROWS ME DOWN THE STAIRS.

BUT DEEP INSIDE HE CARES!

HE BUYS ME LINGERIE.

AND STUFF.

I WAS A STUDENT.

GOOD GRADES AND SO NAIVE.

'TIL THE STUFF.

A HANDSOME STRANGER,

SOME EMPTY PROMISES,

LOTSA STUFF.

BUT I DON'T GET HOOKED. I'M NOT ADDICTED, NO!

I JUST ENJOY THE GLOW! I LIKE TO HAVE MY FUN!

NO HARM TO ANYONE.

THOUGH THE FUN SOMETIMES ESCAPES ME,

WHEN JACKS GETS STONED AND RAPES ME!

NOTHING NUMBS ME BETTER THAN...

THE STUFF.

THAN THE STUFF.

In the latest issue of Scientific American, the Federal Bureau of Narcotics tells us,

that marijuana, posses an addictive power beyond

even that of heroin, or cocaine.

Yes?