Urban Legends: Final Cut

Afraid of flying?

You shouldn't be. It's really safe. Except in that movie.

They had this, like, creature on the wing of the plane.

Heard they based that on a true story.

Planes crash all the time.

They cover it up, buy off the witnesses.

Where the hell are the flight attendants?

It's all based on the aerodynamics of hydrometeorology.

Hey. Ever heard of the Mile High Club?

Come on.

He's sick.

Come on.

I don't know if we should do this.

Oh, you think?

No. We should.

Get over here!

"You're going down."

I sure am, baby.

No. Rob!

Stop!

What the fuck's going on? Let's go! Go, go!

Oh, God!

Mayday! Mayday!

Mayday!

Mayday! Mayday!

Cut!

Hey, guys! When I say "cut," that means stop!

Thank you.

Sandra. You're not supposed to fly the plane.

Jesus! Vanessa.

Thanks for getting the boom in the shot again.

Poor Sandra.

He whines like a real director.

I'm sorry. You know, who are we kidding?

She's no Jamie Lee Curtis, right? But she'll get better.

Young man, that woman's acting would be wretched in a porno film.

He's right. I've seen her in a couple of them. She's really bad.

- I thought there was... - Shut up, scrote.

Get me a cup of coffee.

Hi, Amy.

Let's try something new this time:

Why don't you get it right, or I'll kill you?!

Let's try it again. Back to one.

Take 41.

Effects up.

Effects up. Effects up!!

- Roll sound. - Soundspeed.

- Roll camera. - Rolling.

Scene 16, take 41.

Fucking action.

As chairman of the film department...

I want to wish you all the best as you return for the spring semester...

and remind you that yours is the honor and the privilege to attend...

the greatest film school that ever existed.

So let's try and not burn the place down.

Mr. Solomon?

Did everyone have a nice, toasty holiday?

I'd like to personally welcome Melvin Zarcoff...

who joins us after a distinguished Hollywood career.

Welcome.

Mr. Zarcoff...

is a veteran of over 50 films...

Ten bucks he croaks before the end of the semester.

You don't have ten bucks. You spent it on your shitty movie.

Come on. A little courtesy?

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

You're so mean.

Clive Lavey will be offering a new super-8 course.

Action!

Which is required before you go on to the video workshops.

He the one that did Vampire Cheerleaders ?

No, that was Nick LaVey. Clive did the Splattertown sequels.

Not enough blood for me.

Some of you have yet to submit your screenplays.

At the end of the semester, you may submit your thesis films...

to be considered for the prestigious Hitchcock Award...

which not only carries with it, as you all know, a $15,000 stipend...

but, I'm proud to say, has become a springboard to Hollywood success...

- for such alumni as... - Cecily Spector.

Josh Bouvet.

Chip Voelker.

And Chip Voelker.

Young lady!

Come here! Come here. What are you doing out here in the dark?

I was going to the library.

Alone? At this hour? In this weather?

Girl, get in this car. I'll drive you.

So cold.

No "Show me your badge," no "Can I see some ID?"

Can I see some ID?

I got no ID.

- Where you going? - Over the bridge to the...

Library, right.

Good for you, baby.

My name's Reese. What's your name, sugar?

I'm Amy.

Nice lion. You ever hide a gun in there?

- What makes you say that? - I'm a film student.

I had a class last semester where we saw Pam Grier.

She had this film where she hides a gun inside a lion like that.

Coffy.

That's one of my favorite films of hers.

I even have my gun trimmed in gold like hers.

Look at that.

I've always been partial to Foxy Brown.

"That's my sister, baby.

And she's a whole lot of woman!"

You'll do action movies like Coffy ?

I don't know. I have to make a thesis film. I can't think of a good story.

I got a good story.

Yeah, it's about a campus serial killer who murders eight students...

but nothing happens because the prestigious university covers it up.

I heard this one. It supposedly happened at Pendleton.

It was just an urban legend.

You didn't let me finish.

After the murders, the chief of security...

who refused to go along with the cover-up, is fired.

Spends the entire year looking for work.

Finally lands an entry-level position at another university.

Thanks for the ride.

- Oh, yeah, baby, any time. - Have a good night.

Urban legend, my ass.

A lot of film historians don't seem to be able to gauge...

the impact of mise en so? Ne on cinema v? Rit? Storytelling.

On the other hand, it could be argued mise en so? Ne or staging...

are two examples that are basically mutually exclusive.

What is cinema v? Rit? If not...

the absence of staging?

- And so on. - Come in.

- Godard's victims... - Sorry. I'll come back later.

Draped in the trees in the French countryside.

I just had an idea for my thesis film so...

Come in. Sit down.

Hi, Dr. Fain.

So...

the movie is about a serial killer...

whose murders are all based on urban legends.

That's pretty cool.

But not exactly what we've come to expect from a Mayfield.

I know, but I think I'm ready for a work of fiction.

I think you are too. You mind, Richard?

You can get the door...

on your way out.

What do you think?

Horror or suspense?

A little bit of both.

Just like Hitchcock.

Hitchcock's themes might serve you well.

Paranoia, fear of imprisonment, wrong man accused...

how the lines blur between fantasy and reality.

So you think it's okay?

It's great.

Travis Stark.

Who would've thought you'd be the next Spielberg?

- Yeah, right. - Come on.

Enjoy it. Next year you'll be in the real world.

Here's to unemployment.

Here's to you for saving my ass again.

Two more.

Do I get a private screening when I get back?

We'll have to see.

I worked my ass off on your film.

- And every film you've done. - I know, and I love you for it.

Thanks.

Here's to loving me for it.

Drink up.

Don't you have a plane to catch?

Wasted is the only way to fly.

I've got to go finish working on my film. So have a safe trip.

See you when you get back.

That guy's a real spaz.

You know, I'm a director too.

Really?

Directors make a lot of money?

Pretty much.

Then you won't mind paying for these.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hello?

911. Please state your emergency.

I just woke up in a tub of ice...

- Don't tell me. Your kidney's gone. - Yes.

Honey, I got Princess Di on line four. I got to go.

What?

So check it out.

It's a tradition during finals week.

Everybody's up late studying...

and, at midnight, everyone screams as a release of tension.

At the same time, between midnight and 12:01...

a coed is brutally attacked.

Her screams go unnoticed, drowned out by the screams of those around her.

True story, right?

Yeah, I heard it happened at Harvard.

No.

It's an urban legend.

Like that girl who eats a burrito with the pregnant roach...

and the eggs hatch inside of her nose?

Or like that girl who takes a bite of a chicken sandwich...

and discovers that the mayonnaise is really pus from a chicken tumor?

There's that guy who has crabs, unzips his fly...