Average Joe

Life is about choices.

Heads or tails,

A or B, right or wrong,

live or die.

And sometimes we forget that the choices that we make

affect everyone around us,

for the good and for the bad.

And some of those choices are much bigger than others,

choices that, if they go your way,

you get everything you've ever desired.

But if they go the other way,

you, your family, and your friends

will feel the heartache, pain, and ultimate sadness.

I guess the question is, could you make a choice like that?

A choice that risked losing

everything you have and everyone you love?

Could you do it?

Because I did.

Hey.

Hey.

What the fuck is everyone looking at?

What do you think they're looking at it?

Did you have to wear your uniform?

Yeah, I did. I told you.

I'm going into the station right after this.

Besides, they know I'm one of the good ones, right?

Yeah, I don't know... maybe take your hand off your gun

in a room full of grieving Black people.

How you doing?

Fucking shame about Teddy.

I just talked to him last week.

He got me a new battery for the police cruiser.

Didn't charge me a dime. Probably wasn't new.

The fuck it wasn't new. The man said it was new.

Fine, it was new. / Yeah.

Well, you know, it was... new.

Like you know car batteries.

I don't?

You run a hardware store.

For now I do, but I know some battery shit.

What's that mean?

It means I'm no expert,

but I know some things about batteries.

No, fuck-o, I said, "You run a hardware store,"

and you said, "Yeah, for now I do."

Yeah.

Goddamn, Leon, why'd you say "for now"?

I don't want to talk about it.

Whatever.

I had ten fucking hardware stores

before Home Depot came in and fucked me.

And now a Lowe's is coming in? A fucking Lowe's?

Okay.

They're going to fuck me out of the one hardware store

I still have left.

I got the bank up my ass.

I-I took out a second on the house.

Cathy has been up my ass every motherfucking minute

of every goddamn day.

Sounds like you got a lot of things up your ass.

There is nothing in the world

that isn't currently at my ass right now.

I don't want to talk about it.

Mm.

It's time, Joe.

First off, me, Angela, and Jen

would like to thank everyone

for coming out and showing so much love.

And not just today,

but for all the days since my dad passed.

I had lunch with Pops the day before the accident.

All he talked about was his granddaughter...

How proud he is that she made it into Carnegie Mellon.

Talked about work

and how he loved to drive around in that...

squeaky piece-of-shit tow truck of his.

He loved helping strangers.

Hardly charged them anything. Told you.

Battery was not new. / Would you shut up?

Calling the man a liar at his own funeral?

Show some respect. / Shut the fuck up!

Anyway, it was a nice day.

It was our last day.

I remember my pop's last words to me.

Pulled me close, and he said, son...

He said, son, with everything I am...

Fuck Tom Brady.

He said fuck 'em.

Fuck Belichick, fuck everybody in Boston, fuck 'em.

Fuck Tampa Bay, fuck everything about 'em.

Fuck 'em and feed 'em beans. That's what he told me.

Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em!

Fuck Tom Brady! / Yeah!

Fuck that pretty boy.

I'd like to fuck him. All: Oh!

Okay. Everybody, let's just bring it on back.

That's enough.

Everybody grab a drink, please.

Please. Everyone.

To Teddy Washington,

grandfather, father,

tow-truck driver, sometimes asshole...

And the world's greatest Steeler fan you'll ever see.

To Teddy. All: To Teddy!

Did you, uh, talk to Joe about the ticket?

What ticket?

What ticket, my dick hole.

With Teddy gone,

Joe's got an extra season Steelers ticket

on the 50-yard line. Fucking 50-yard line.

Haven't mention it to him yet.

You? Nah, not the time.

Definitely not the time.

Joey, my boy.

What a lovely memorial.

Lovely. / Thank you.

And you take as much time as you need

to grieve the loss of your father.

Oh, as much time as you need. / Mm.

But you're back at work tomorrow, right?

Right? Right?

Uh...

Of course.

Good.

Well, we're done here. See you tomorrow, Joey.

Your dad dies in a fire, and those two are just fine.

Won't let me breathe a second.

No. / Jeez.

Hey, Joe. What's up, boss?

How you feeling? I'm good, man.

Yeah, once again, sorry about your pops, man.

You know he was my man. Thank you so much, Sam.

I appreciate you, man.

Thanks for coming out, man. All right.

Yeah, appreciate it. / All right.

I'll call you, all right? You better call me, man.

You know I got you. All right.

The last watch I bought

from you was a knockoff, too. Oh, come on, Joe.

Are you leaving, too? / Yeah.

Uh, Cathy's got to get home

and watch the Investigation Channel.

It's Murder Week.

Everybody ain't got to know my business.

Well, it's not even 7:00,

so I was thinking maybe you guys can stay

for another drink with us?

Maybe stay for it?

I said no.

I don't think I'm thirsty right now.

Yeah, maybe another time, right?

We should let them go. Yeah. Okay.

Tell Jen that Aunt Cathy said goodbye.

Uh-huh. / Joe.

Bye, Angela. / Bye.

All right, brother.

Kill me.

Yeah. I got you.

He said "kill me."

Well, you'd be doing him a favor.

Love you.

Love you back.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck you.

Goodbye.

Thank you for coming.

Mm.

Hey, there he is.

Officer Tuchawuski!

Have a drink with your man. Oh, buddy, I can't.

I got to run the fucking admin desk tonight.

Oh. / But listen to me, okay?

That was a beautiful memorial tonight, okay?

Mm, thank you.

Teddy would have been so proud, ticket.

What? / What?

Teddy would have been so proud. No.

Did you just... Did you just say "ticket"?

Why would I say "ticket"?

You better go easy on that stuff.

You're starting to hear things.

All right. Give and Ange and Jen my love.

Anything you need, you call me, all right?

Okay.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. / All right, buddy.

Ticket.

I knew... I knew you said "ticket."

I knew you said... I knew you said that.

Knew you did.

Baby girl, how you holding up?

I'm okay.

Daddy, you remember Dimitri. I don't think I do.

Daddy.

I'm very sorry for your loss, sir.

Uh, y'all, uh...

You, um... y'all... y'all don't need to hang around here.

You don't. Y'all can get on out of here.

No, I should stay, help Mom clean up.

No, no. Y'all go. Y'all go.

Okay. / All right. Okay.