Parks and Recreation

- GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. COUPLE ANNOUNCEMENTS.

AS WE ALL KNOW, RON IS RECOVERING

FROM HIS HERNIA SURGERY,

SO I GOT HIM FLOWERS FROM ALL OF US.

SO EVERYBODY NEEDS TO PITCH IN, LIKE, $90.

$90?

YES.

BECAUSE I ORDERED A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF DAFFODILS

FROM A WEBSITE

AFTER A FEW GLASSES OF WINE.

SO, TOM, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE GETTING SOME DAFFODILS TOO.

DONNA, YOU'RE DEFINITELY GETTING SOME.

JERRY, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT SURE.

TIME WILL TELL.

ALSO, I'M LEAVING EARLY TONIGHT BECAUSE I AM A JUDGE

IN THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU GET TO BE A JUDGE IN THAT THING?

- YES, AND IT'S A RESPONSIBILITY

I TAKE VERY SERIOUSLY.

BUT I WANT TO BE A JUDGE.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIKE BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

APRIL, WHOEVER MISS PAWNEE IS,

IS GONNA BE THE REPRESENTATIVE OF WOMANHOOD

IN OUR TOWN.

AND AS A JUDGE, LET ME ASSURE YOU

THAT THIS YEAR'S MISS PAWNEE WILL BE CHOSEN

FOR HER TALENT AND POISE.

- WHOA, THE GIRLS FROM TALENT AND POISE ARE GONNA BE THERE?

WHAT?

TALENT AND POISE.

IT'S A STRIP CLUB BY THE V.A. HOSPITAL.

I HAVE SOME MEETINGS THERE.

UH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

- NO, WHAT'S DISGUSTING IS THE GLITTER FACTORY.

DO NOT GO TO THE GLITTER FACTORY.

*

HEY!

HEY.

- SO I WAS JUST AT THE GRIND,

AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT AN ICED MOCHA

WITH EXTRA, EXTRA WHIPPED CREAM.

- OH, MY. THANK YOU SO MUCH, APRIL.

WOW. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

OH, BY THE WAY,

COMPLETELY UNRELATED,

I JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

YOU KNOW, THAT IS WHY I DECIDED

TO BECOME A JUDGE.

SO THAT AWESOME GIRLS LIKE YOU,

WHO ARE NOT, YOU KNOW, CLASSICALLY HOT,

CAN BE REWARDED FOR THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SAVVY.

- BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE IDIOTIC,

BUT I FOUND THAT THE WINNER OF THE MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT

GETS $600.

I CAN BE IDIOTIC FOR $600.

SO ARE YOU GONNA VOTE FOR ME, SISTER?

- APRIL, IT'S UNETHICAL FOR ME TO SHOW YOU FAVORITISM.

YOU AND I ARE LIKE FAMILY.

THE COFFEE'S $7.

YES, RIGHT, OF COURSE.

JUST BUMP THAT CLOWN.

TELL HIM THEY ALREADY HAVE ANOTHER ASIAN JUDGE.

AWESOME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I OWE YOU.

A'IGHT, PEACE.

GUESS WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE IN THE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

- WHAT? HOW?

I KNOW A GUY.

I HAD TO CALL IN A FEW FAVORS.

BUT IF YOU DON'T CALL IN FAVORS TO LOOK AT WOMEN IN BIKINIS

AND ASSIGN THEM NUMERICAL GRADES,

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL IN FAVORS FOR?

HEY.

- HEY. - HEY.

- HEY. - WHAT YOU DOING IN THESE PARTS?

- OH, I JUST--I CAME BY TO SEE THE MURALS.

- OH. - THIS ONE'S PRETTY AMAZING.

YEAH, THIS ONE'S A BEAUTY.

YOU KNOW, IN THE 1880s, THERE WERE A FEW YEARS

THAT WERE PRETTY ROUGH AND TUMBLE IN PAWNEE.

THIS DEPICTS KIND OF A FAMOUS FIGHT

BETWEEN REVEREND BRADLEY AND ANNA BETH STEVENSON,

A WIDOWED MOTHER OF SEVEN.

THE ORIGINAL TITLE OF THIS WAS "A LIVELY FISTING."

BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD TO CHANGE IT.

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

- SHE'S GOT HIM BY THE HAIR PRETTY GOOD THERE.

YEAH.

LESLIE'S REALLY COOL.

AND SHE'S SMART.

IT'S A LITTLE INTIMIDATING.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LOOK AT THE MURALS.

I CAME TO ASK HER ON A DATE.

HEY, LESLIE...

I REALLY-- I REALLY LIKE YOU.

AND I WAS WONDERING

IF YOU MAYBE WANT TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE SOME TIME.

OKAY. YEAH, SURE.

- YEAH? - YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE.

OKAY.

LET'S SEE...

- AH, IS THAT YOUR-- IS THAT YOUR GRANDMA?

YEAH.

IT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

THAT'S HER NAME?

I USUALLY JUST CALL MINE NANA.

NO, THAT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE.

- OKAY, SO NOT-- THAT'S NOT YOUR GRANDMA THEN.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT IT.

HOW'S THAT SCHEDULE LOOKING?

- GOOD. A COUPLE DAYS ARE FREE.

MAYBE WE COULD JUST, YOU KNOW...

LOCK IT IN LATER?

- YEAH. - TALK LATER ABOUT IT?

- YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - OKAY.

LADIES.

WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING AWFUL?

HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO MADELEINE ALBRIGHT WAS.

WHO?

NOT YOU TOO.

MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE.

N-NO, WHO DIDN'T KNOW?

- OH, DAVE. THAT COP THAT I MET.

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DATE SOMEONE

WHO DOESN'T SHARE MY INTERESTS.

I MEAN, COULD YOU DATE

SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T

LOVE GIVING VACCINATIONS?

- I'VE NEVER DATED ANYONE WHO LOVES GIVING VACCINATIONS.

- HEY. - HEY.

WEIRD QUESTION FOR YOU.

ARE YOU HANDY? LIKE, CAN YOU FIX THINGS?

WHAT'S BROKEN?

MY SHOWER.

IT'S LEAKY, LOW PRESSURE,

JUST ALL AROUND TERRIBLE.

UH, EASY.

YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER AFTER WORK?

YES!

YES, AMAZING.

I WILL COOK YOU A CHEAP, QUICK DINNER

THAT WILL BE NO TROUBLE AT ALL FOR ME.

GREAT.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT

FOR THE WEIRDEST SECOND DATE EVER.

OKAY.

HELLO, FELLOW JUDGES.

I'M JUDGE LESLIE KNOPE,

AND THIS IS MY COLLEAGUE, TOM HAVERFORD,

WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE.

- HI, JESSICA WICKS, MISS PAWNEE 1994.

- I RECOGNIZED YOU RIGHT AWAY.

AND MAY I SAY THAT YOU LOOK EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL NOW

THAN YOU DID WHEN YOU WON THE CROWN.

OOH, I LIKE YOU.

- RAY HOLSTEAD, RAY'S SANDWICH PLACE.

- YES, OF COURSE, RAY. HOW DO YOU DO?

I'M CHARLES WOLINER.

I'VE JUDGED EVERY MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT

FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS. - WOW.

I MADE JESSICA.

- HMM, WELL, TOM AND I ARE VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE.

AND I'M SURE, BETWEEN THE FIVE OF US,

WE WILL CHOOSE THE MOST WELL-ROUNDED,

INTELLIGENT, MODERN,

AND FORWARD-THINKING WOMAN TO REPRESENT OUR FINE TOWN.

RIGHT, TOM?

- YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? WATCH.

34C, 36B, 34B, 34D.

32A? HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?

I'M JUST KIDDING.

YOU'RE PERFECT, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

GOD BLESS.

- HERE THEY ARE, YOUR CANDIDATES

FOR MISS PAWNEE.

*

LET'S MEET THE GIRLS, SHALL WE?

FIRST UP, PLEASE WELCOME APRIL LUDGATE.

HELLO, I'M APRIL LUDGATE.

I'M 20 YEARS OLD,

I LIKE PEOPLE,

PLACES,

AND THINGS.

AND PAWNEE IS MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD.

- NEXT UP, PLEASE WELCOME SUSAN GLEEVER.

- HI, EVERYONE, I'M SUSAN.

I'M A HISTORY MAJOR AT INDIANA STATE,

I PLAY CLASSICAL PIANO,

AND I VOLUNTEER AT THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

THANK YOU, SUSAN.

SHE'S GOOD.

NEXT, TRISH IANETTA.

HI, Y'ALL.

I'M TRISH.