Parks and Recreation

- IF YOU LOOK INSIDE YOUR BAGS,

YOU WILL FIND A FEW THINGS.

A BOUQUET OF HAND-CROCHETED FLOWER PENS...

OH.

- A MOSAIC PORTRAIT OF EACH OF YOU

MADE FROM THE CRUSHED BOTTLES OF YOUR FAVORITE DIET SODA,

AND A PERSONALIZED 5,000-WORD ESSAY

OF WHY YOU'RE ALL SO AWESOME.

WHAT'S GALENTINE'S DAY?

OH, IT'S ONLY THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR.

EVERY FEBRUARY 13th,

MY LADY FRIENDS AND I

LEAVE OUR HUSBANDS AND OUR BOYFRIENDS AT HOME,

AND WE JUST COME AND KICK IT, BREAKFAST-STYLE.

LADIES CELEBRATING LADIES.

IT'S LIKE LILITH FAIR,

MINUS THE ANGST.

PLUS FRITTATAS.

SO TO CONCLUDE OUR GALENTINE'S DAY BREAKFAST,

IT IS TIME FOR THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD.

WHAT'S THE STORY?

- IT'S THE MOST ROMANTIC STORY EVER.

IT MAKES THE NOTEBOOK LOOK LIKE SAW V.

GO, MOM, GO.

IT WAS 1968.

I WAS 18, AND OUR FAMILY WENT ON A VACATION TO BERMUDA.

AND ON THE FIRST DAY, I WENT FOR A SWIM

IN THE OCEAN, AND I GOT CAUGHT

IN A VERY STRONG CURRENT.

- YOU'VE HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE, RIGHT?

YES, BUT THE DRAMA.

- THE NEXT THING I FELT WERE TWO VERY POWERFUL ARMS

WHISKING ME TO SAFETY.

AND HE LOOKED DOWN AT ME, AND HE SAID,

"ARE YOU OKAY?"

AND I LOOKED UP AT HIM, AND I SAID,

"I AM NOW."

- SO THEY SNEAK OUT TO MEET EACH OTHER

AND WALK ON THE BEACH,

AND, TWO WEEKS LATER, HE ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM

AND MOVE TO ILLINOIS.

BUT HER PARENTS THOUGHT SHE WAS TOO YOUNG,

SO SHE SAID NO.

AND THEN THEY LOST TOUCH,

AND, A FEW YEARS LATER, SHE MET MY DAD.

- I GOT TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE LIFEGUARD COURSES.

THOSE GUYS GET ALL THE ACTION.

AM I RIGHT, JUSTIN?

- WE GOT TO FIND THIS GUY. - FRANK?

HE'S PROBABLY MARRIED. OR DEAD.

- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

AM I RIGHT, JUSTIN?

- AT LEAST LET ME TRY AND FIND HIM.

IMAGINE HOW MUCH BETTER THAT STORY WOULD BE

IF WE ACTUALLY REUNITED THEM.

- I THINK JUSTIN'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULD LET HIM DO THIS.

OKAY. DO IT.

BUT IF YOU FIND HIM AND HE'S WEIRD,

LIKE A VENTRILOQUIST OR A PUPPETEER

OR ANYONE WHO PRETENDS TOYS ARE PEOPLE,

THEN ABORT THE MISSION.

both: ABSOLUTELY. -

*

- YOU. YOU'RE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER.

- OH. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

- I KNEW, EVENTUALLY, SOMEHOW,

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU WOULD TOTALLY PAY OFF.

- I BOUGHT HIM SOME ACTUAL TOWELS.

HE WAS USING A BATHROBE.

AND I BOUGHT HIM SOME OTHER THINGS THAT HUMANS USUALLY USE,

LIKE SHAMPOO.

TROOPS, GATHER AROUND.

GREAT NEWS.

THE SENIOR CENTER VALENTINE'S DANCE IS TOMORROW

00 TO 9:00.

ARE WE TALKING A.M. OR P.M.?

THOSE PEOPLE ARE OLD! AM I RIGHT, JUSTIN?

OH. JUSTIN'S NOT HERE.

- IT ISN'T JUST A JOB, GANG.

WE'RE GONNA LEARN A LOT FROM THESE SENIORS.

SOME OF THEM HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR HALF A CENTURY.

AND, NO OFFENSE, BUT EVERYBODY HERE IS TERRIBLE AT LOVE.

DIVORCED, DATING A GAY GUY, DIVORCED TWICE,

JURY'S STILL OUT ON YOU TWO.

OH.

AND, JERRY, WHO KNOWS?

- I'VE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 28 YEARS.

YOU'VE MET MY WIFE GAYLE MANY TIMES.

- WHATEVER. FINALLY, ANN AND MARK ARE OUR SPECIAL VOLUNTEERS,

AND THEY WILL BE AVAILABLE WHENEVER NEEDED.

I DIDN'T VOLUNTEER.

- YEAH, TOO BAD. YOU GOT DRAFTED.

ASK NOT WHAT

YOUR OLD PEOPLE COULD DO FOR YOU.

ASK WHAT YOU COULD DO FOR YOUR OLD PEOPLE.

TERMINATOR.

- WHAT? NO. JFK.

THIS MEETING

HAS BEEN TERMINATED.

THAT IS THE TERMINATOR.

- NICE. - WHERE AM I GOING?

- WELL, HELLO THERE. - WELL, HEY.

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

YOU WANTED TO TALK?

- YES, I DO. - OH.

HAVE A SEAT.

*

SOME CHAMPAGNE?

UH, NO, THANKS.

- COME ON. THIS IS ARMAND DE BRIGNAC.

JAY-Z DRINKS THIS. - YEAH, WELL, JAY-Z DOESN'T HAVE

TO PERFORM SURGERY IN AN HOUR.

- YOU DON'T KNOW JAY-Z'S SCHEDULE.

HE'S A RENAISSANCE MAN.

OKAY, FINE.

WELL, THIS IS FOR YOU.

OH.

- WELL, IT'S ALMOST VALENTINE'S DAY,

SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD DAY TO TELL YOU...

- OKAY, LET ME JUST STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

LOOK, TOMMY...

I-I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M SO GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR ME.

BUT I ONLY SEE US AS FRIENDS.

FOR NOW.

BUT THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER OUR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE

IF WE ADDED DOING IT.

SERIOUSLY.

I KNOW OUR MARRIAGE WAS FAKE,

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING BETWEEN US,

AND I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE IT A SHOT FOR REAL.

- I JUST DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU.

I'M SORRY.

* EACH TIME I DO

* JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU *

* MAKES ME STOP BEFORE I BEGIN *

*

* I GOT YOU

* UNDER MY SKIN

SO THERE'S THAT ONE, I GUESS.

- ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS SOUND READY FOR THE DANCE TOMORROW.

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THESE OLD FOGEY SONGS, LESLIE.

WHY CAN'T WE JUST DO OUR ORIGINALS?

I JUST WROTE A NEW SONG, OKAY.

IT'S CALLED SEX HAIR.

IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN SOMEONE'S JUST HAD SEX

'CAUSE OF HOW THEIR HAIR GETS MATTED UP IN THE BACK.

IT'S AWESOME.

THINK OF IT THIS WAY.

THESE SONG ARE EXACTLY LIKE THE SONGS YOU USUALLY PLAY,

EXCEPT INSTEAD OF MODERN ROCK, THEY'RE OLD JAZZY STANDARDS

FROM THE '40s.

- OKAY. YEAH. YOU GOT A POINT.

- YEAH. YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS. - HEY, ANDY.

I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A HALF AN HOUR. CAN I GET MY SHOESHINE?

- DUDE, KYLE, I'M GONNA LOSE MY ON YOU

IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME.

I FOUND HIM.

FRANK BECKERSON.

63, LIVES IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED BRIDGEPORT.

ILLINOIS.

DIVORCED, NO KIDS, WORKED AS A LIFEGUARD WHEN HE WAS 20.

- RON, I NEED A HALF A DAY OFF

FOR A SECRET MISSION OF LOVE.

- YOU'RE ASKING MY PERMISSION TO TAKE A NOONER?

- SURE. WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE. JUSTIN AND I NEED TO GO

ON A ROMANTICALLY INSPIRED ROAD TRIP.

SO IT IS A NOONER.

WELL, WE'RE PLANNING

TO LEAVE AROUND NOON, SO I'M NOT QUITE SURE--

LESLIE, IT'S NOT A NOONER.

I TRACKED DOWN THIS OLD FLAME OF LESLIE'S MOM.

WE'RE GONNA GO PICK HIM UP.

WE'RE GONNA REUNITE THEM ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

A GREAT STORY OR WHAT?

YEAH, GREAT STORY INDEED.

ENJOY YOUR HALF DAY OFF. - THANK YOU.

- PICK YOU UP TOMORROW AROUND NOON.

- FOR OUR NOONER, WHICH IS A CUTE WORD.

EXPLAIN IT TO HER LATER.

EXPLAIN WHAT?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

FIRST OFF, A BEAR IN A PAPER BAG AND A HEART-SHAPED BALLOON.

I LOVE BEARS AND BAGS.

WELL, YOU'LL LIKE THIS THEN,

BECAUSE THIS IS A GIANT TEDDY BEAR

HOLDING A RED HEART.

- OHH. - FESTIVE.

WHAT'S THIS? OH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S A HEART-SHAPED BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

THAT'S A DOZEN RED ROSES IN A HEART-SHAPED ARRANGEMENT.

SEE THAT. PERFUME.

- OOH. - FOR THE LADY.

- OOH. - OH, YEAH.

YEARNING,

BY DENNIS FEINSTEIN.

MM. OOH.

DENNIS, NO. NO, DENNIS.