Hobson's Choice

Beg pardon.

Good job your Masons' meeting's only once a month.

Oooh.

You're a proper old maid, Maggie, if ever there was one.

You're leather, Maggie. You're tough, ancient leather.

But I like leather.

- Upstairs, Father. - Wait a minute!

Back in half an hour.

I've got a business appointment, my dear.

I'll be back in half an hour.

Aye.

- Aye. - Aye.

- Be over in a moment. - Aye.

- Good morning, Maggie. - He's not down yet, Mr Heeler.

- Hasn't he had breakfast? - With your Masons' meeting last night?

Allce!

I'll be back.

Oh, dear, I wish he'd hurry up.

Are you expecting anyone, Alice?

You know I am. And I'll thank you both to go when he comes.

I'm sick of Albert Prosser coming here to make sheep's eyes at Alice.

If Father won't have us go courting, what else can they do?

- If he wants to marry her, why doesn't he do it? - Courting must come first.

It needn't.

Courting's like that, my lass. All glitter and no use to nobody.

Yes, Father?

- Clean handkerchief, Alice. - In t'top drawer, Father.

Oh, you have got this in a muddle.

Keeping muddles straight is woman's business.

I tidied this only last week.

When your mother was alive, things and people were kept in proper places.

There. You won't be much longer, will you? We've the room to do.

You'll do this room when I choose to leave it!

Well, don't be much longer, then.

- Morning, Miss Vicky. - Morning, Mr Prosser.

Miss Hobson.

- Good morning, Miss Alice. - Father's not gone yet.

Oh.

And what can we do for you, Mr Prosser?

I can't say I came to buy anything, Miss Hobson.

This is a shop. We're not here to let people go without buying.

Well, I'll just take a pair of bootlaces.

- What size do you take in boots? - Eights. I've small feet.

Does that matter to laces?

It matters to boots.

Sit down, Mr Prosser.

These uppers are a disgrace to the legal profession.

Alice, number 8s from t'third rack.

- Vlcky! - Oh, dear.

- I'll be off. - Sit easy, Mr Prosser. You're a customer now.

You call that brushed?

- She's been at it, Father. - At it to no purpose.

- If my boots aren't what they should be... - They are. I did them.

Aye, we'll see.

You know you and Alice are making yourselves the laughing stock of Salford?

I don't know what you're talking about.

- I'm bringing up t'question of bustles. - Bustles?

Aye.

Who had new dresses on last night?

I saw you out of Moonrakers' parlour, and my friend Sam Minns...

- A publican. - Aye,

and as honest a man as ever stood behind a bar.

My friend Sam Minns asked me who you were.

And well he might.

You were going down Chapel Street with a "hump".

- Adding to nature behind you. - Father!

You had the kind of waist that's natural in wasps, but unnatural in women.

You held your heads like giraffes with a bad, stiff neck

and you were gone at the knees.

And the "hump" was wagging. And I say it's immodest!

It's not immodest. It's the fashion to wear bustles.

- Then to hell with the fashion! - Father! You're not in Moonrakers now.

- Comfortable? - Yes, very comfortable.

Father's just ready.

That'll be one pound, Mr Prosser.

- A pound? - Money's not wasted. Them boots'll last.

Thank you.

You'd better have your old palr mended. They'll be ready Wednesday.

I don't think I...

Thank you very much.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Maggie, I've got some business to attend to.

I'll just be out for about a quarter of an hour.

- Don't be late for dinner, Father. - It's a long way off dinnertime.

If you stay too long in the Moonrakers, you'll be late for it.

Moonrakers? Who said anything...

If your dinner's ruined, it'll be your own fault.

- Well, I'll be eternally... - Don't swear in here, Father.

No?

I'll sit down instead.

Now...

Listen to me, you three.

Providence has decreed that you should lack a mother's hand

at the time when single girls grow bumptious, and must have somebody to rule.

I'll tell you this. You'll not rule me!

You're not addressing a Masons' meeting now.

No. I'm addressing a few remarks to the rebellious females of this household.

What I say will be listened to. And heeded.

There's been a gradual increase of uppishness towards me.

Morning, Miss Vicky.

Oh. Excuse me. Some other time.

Yes, Father?

I've come to a decision about you two.

You're going to exercise your gifts on some other man than me.

- You mean, get married, Father? - Exactly!

I'm going to choose husbands for the pair of you.

We can't choose husbands for ourselves?

You're not even fit to choose dresses for yourselves.

You're talking a lot to Alice and Vicky. Where do I come in?

- You? - Aye.

If you're dealing husbands round, don't I get one?

You with a husband?

Aye, that's a good one.

- Why not? - "Why not"?

Maggie, I thought you'd sense enough to know.

If you want t'brutal truth, you're past t'marrying age.

- I'm 30. - Aye, 30 and shelved.

Well, all the women can't have husbands, Maggie.

I look to you to take their mother's place till I've made arrangements for them.

- Dinner's at one, remember. - Dinner will be when I come in for it!

I'm master here.

- Morning, Hobson. - Morning, Mrs Hepworth.

It's a grand day.

I've come here about these boots.

Yes, Mrs Hepworth.

They look very nice.

Get up, Hobson. You look ridiculous on the floor.

- Who made these boots? - We did. Our own make.

Will you answer a straight question? Who made them?

They were made on the premises.

You seemed to have sense. Can you answer me?

I think so, but I'll make sure for you.

Toby?

Did you wish to see the identical workman?

- I said so. - I'm responsible for all work turned out here.

- Yes, Miss Maggie. - Man, did you make these boots?

- No, ma'am. - Then who did?

Am I to question every soul in the place before I find out?

They're Willie's making, those.

- Then tell Willie I want him. - Certainly, ma'am.

- Who's Willie? - Name of Mossop.

If there's anything wrong, I'm capable of making the man suffer for it.

- You Mossop? - Yes, ma'am.

You made these boots?

Aye. I made them last week.

Take that.

Read it.

I'm trying.

Bless the man. Can't you read?

It's the italics which makes it difficult for him.

Listen to me. I'm particular about what I put on my feet.

I assure you this will not occur again.

- What shan't? - I don't know.

Then hold your tongue.

Now, Mossop, I've tried every shop in Manchester,

and these are the best-made pair of boots I've ever had.

Now, you make my boots in future.

- You hear that, Hobson? - Of course he shall.

You keep that card, Mossop.

Don't you dare to leave here and go to another shop without telling me where you are.

Oh, he won't make a change.

How do you know? The man's a treasure.

And I expect you underpay him.

That'll do, Willie. You can go.

Yes, sir.

He's like a rabbit.

Can I take your order for another pair of boots, Mrs Hepworth?

No, not yet. But I shall send my daughters here,

- and mind, that man's to make the boots. - Certainly, Mrs Hepworth.

Good morning. Very glad to have had the honour of serving you, madam.

What does she want to praise a workman to his face for?

- Happen he deserved it. - Deserve be blowed! Making him uppish now!

- Are you coming over, Henry? - I am!

Dinner's at one o'clock, remember.

Now, look here, Maggie. I set the hours in this house.

It's one o'clock dinner because I say it is, not because you do.

- Yes, Father. - So long as that's clear...

I'll go.

Dinner's at half past. That'll give him half an hour.

Female perversity comes from leading an indoor life.

Morning.

Women think they're important because they're boss in t'kitchen.

How do.

Oh, um...

Runt.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- Frederick? - Yes, Father.

- You see where Hobson's going? - Yes, Father.

There's a small spark of decency in that man

that's telling him at this very moment that my eye's on him.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Mr Hobson.

- Morning, Henry. - Morning, Henry.

- Up late this morning, Henry. - I were detained.

More.

You're doing a good class of trade, Henry. Carriage folk now, eh?

- Good health. - I'd be in better health if it weren't for you.

I don't pay you to dress my daughters up like French poodles.

You'll be £15 a year worse off for this.