'Tis the Season to Be Irish

-Knock, knock. -What do you think?

I think I am still in awe with what you did with this place.

Are you sure you don't wanna keep this one?

-Nah, you know me. -Yeah, flip it and quit it.

The Christmas edition.

Way to make an insult sound festive.

-Well... -

Let the open house begin.

Imagine stockings hanging over this refinished mantle.

Mistletoe dangling from this crown molding.

Oh, and here's the artist behind the renovation, Rose Walsh.

Rose has renovated several of the houses in the area.

So, uh, any questions about the house?

Just one. Can we be in it by Christmas?

So, I figured I would finish off doing the Christmas cards

while you look for your next house.

So, where are we eyeing?

I don't know.

-Well, what sounds good? -Top of my list?

-Ireland. -Wha...

When my mom graduated college,

she went on this backpacking trip all over Europe

and she said that Ireland is where wishes come true.

Actually, I have a photo of her when she was there.

Ah, yes. Rose's one box of stuff.

Easy to stay on the road, gathers no moss.

Hey, I have an entire storage unit

full of stuff gathering moss, thank you very much.

Ooh, lots of fixer-uppers.

Good bones. It got character.

Wait, look at this article.

Buy a home in Ireland, 10,000 euros.

No, I know those programs.

They're aimed at house flippers to come and renovate homes

to help get small-town populations back up.

It's a catch.

The renovations can be extremely expensive

or the bids will start really low

and then they get really high.

Hey, look at this listing.

Rosalie's Cottage, 15,000 euro.

Wow, I can't believe that's so underpriced.

It's gorgeous.

Wait a minute. Did it just sell?

-Call the agent. -No...

I'm not gonna just buy a house in Ireland even at that price.

-Okay, then I'll call. -Wait, okay.

Okay, okay, I will call.

Let see...

- Hello? -Hi!

I'm calling about Rosalie's Cottage.

Oh, hey. Uh, I'm Sean. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you. And how are you?

You know, I can't complain, although I'd like to.

-So what's your name? -Rose, as in Rosalie's Cottage.

Well, Rose, like Rosalie's Cottage,

ordinarily, this would bode well for you, but unfortunately

I thinkthe cottage may have already found a buyer.

Someone put it on hold for the asking price.

You lay away houses in Ireland?

Well, no, we try to be considerate.

Is that not a priority where you're from?

And what if I wanted to buy the house?

Then you'd put in a backup offer.

Well, lucky for you, I don't wanna buy it.

Dunclare, Ireland! Your mom was there!

It's a sign!

Actually, I do wanna buy the house.

Okay, well, as I said, you wire over deposit

-and you'll be the backup. -I don't wanna be backup.

-I wanna be first. -Rose, you get the appeal? I do.

Okay? But I do a lot of these listings.

A lot of buyers have no idea

what they're getting themselves in for,

so just take a piece,

read the fine print.

Way to make assumptions,

but I know what I'm doing. I want the cottage.

I'll offer you 20,000 euros.

The offer's incoming. Check your email.

I guess consideration is not a priority where she's from.

What, am I crazy?

Uh, maybe you know exactly what you're doing!

Your mom said Ireland was

the most magical place she has ever been.

Come on, Rose.

You could use a little magic in your life.

- -Look how happy she was.

I guess I'm going to Ireland.

I'm Dunclare's unofficial tourist greeter.

Can I, uh, help you with your bags?

See, in the States, this is where

you would steal my luggage.

You see, in Ireland, this is where I would

tell you you a 60-minute story

about the history of love.

So the tropes are true.

Oh, yeah, in Ireland, we're all just whiskey,

river dance and leprechauns.

You must be sick of the stereotypes.

Absolutely. Once I get over this Irish flu,

I'm gonna set them straight.

So, um, what brings you to town?

I just bought one of the cottages nearby,

so I thought I'd pop in for some lunch

before heading over.

What about you? What brings you to town?

The Celts.

My family have been here since the Celts arrived.

Oh.

Good thing a joke is funnier when you have to explain it.

Yeah.

-So what's it like living here? -You know, small town.

People love to gossip, but not a lot to gossip about.

Thankfully, we've got a support group

for our town's busy bodies.

-You do? -Yeah.

They, uh, meet over there in the pub.

So can I, um, give you a lift

to your cottage after your lunch?

Are you asking me to get in the car with a stranger?

You're in Dunclare now.

There's no such thing as a stranger here.

Hmm, well, be that as it may,

thank you, but I'll get my own ride.

As you wish.

Oh, and if I don't see you again,

Merry Christmas.

-No need. -What does that mean?

It just means I have a bet

that I'll see you again before Christmas.

Hey, you must be Sean. I'm Rose.

Hello again, Rose.

Of course.

When you met me in town today, you knew, didn't you?

I did after you left.

We have this magical thing in Ireland.

Oh, what's the Gaelic word? Search engine.

I Googled you, Rose Walsh.

Well, I Googled you too.

But there are a thousand Sean O'Laughlins in Ireland.

-Well, I-I do have many cousins. -

Well, welcome to your new house.

May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.

Well, sweet, but I won't have many friends.

I'm just here to flip the house.

Excuse me. You're-you're what?

Oh, what's the old Gaelic word for house flipping?

Exploiting local real estate.

Is that not what underpricing property

to attract buyers is called?

You did read the fine print, right?

Because it says that this property has to be

your primary residence. And you, you signed off on that.

It will be. While I renovate, I will live here.

I don't have another residence, so this will be my primary.

Why do you look so offended?

Because I think that house flipping

is the worst thing that can happen to a housing market.

Get out-of-towners coming in, buying affordable homes,

and doing these overpriced refurbs

so they can make a quick quid, and then they leave.

You bait and sell property,

which means you have to expect that people

are gonna take the bait, buy it, and flip.

No, because flipping doesn't make any sense

with all the laws around what can be done

to an historical property.

Did you not read the many restrictions?

I did read it, so I have to work

with a historical preservationist.

That's fine. I have done it before.

Look, with, with all due respect,

and I truly do mean that, this is my house.

I've signed the paperwork.

Okay then, Rosie.

Time to give you a tour.

Look, that's you. You bought it.

-Well... -

We've got a natural light it brings, anyway.

Ah.

Got character.

Floor damage, water damage, wood damage, roof damage.

It's basically all damaged. I mean, catfished.

House fished.

The listing did not look like this online.

Yeah, no, so pictures were taken when it's furnished.

Old real estate trick, you know.

Maybe the photos were a few years old, but...

A few? Did your relatives, the Celts take them?

Nice callback and a joke you didn't get.

You're a fast learner, I see.