4 Blocks

(8-bit synthesized version of theme song playing)

Marge! Stop that crazy thing!

I've printed out our driving plan.

If we work together, we can get Bart to his sports,

Lisa to her music,

and Maggie to the five birthday parties

she's invited to today.

I'm not spending my precious Saturday

chauffeuring those overprivileged kids

to a better life than I ever had.

I need a ride to Cub Scouts.

Why are you asking me? Is your thumb broken?

Have him back by Father's Day!

Homie, are you dressed?

You have soccer setup in 20 minutes!

Homie?

-(phone ringing) -(Homer gasping)

Moe, quick-- beer me before I answer the phone!

Ah, the first pour of the day.

Let me just tie on my apron,

limber up the old tap-pulling arm...

Ooh... eh...

I need it now!

Hey, Marge.

I'm supposed to help drive the kids?

Oh, man, I wish I knew that sooner,

but I just had a beer.

You're already drinking at 8:00 in the morning?

How much have you had?

Come on!

Whoo-hoo! Off the hook!

Oh, looks like this is all me.

Yeah, while you're at it, can you pick me up some beer?

Oh...

Well, we've got an hour. Who wants coffee?

Okay, but I'm buying.

No, no, I insist. I'm stealing.

(tires screeching at every stop)

See you at the bake sale, sucker!

So Sideshow Mel is drinking here all afternoon.

When I show him the tab,

he says he left his wallet in his other skirt,

and he pays me with this.

Hey, this is a ticket to see Laney Fontaine.

She's the brassiest broad on Broadway!

She's funny and vulgar and full of Hollywood stories,

like, uh... Jimmy Stewart was a super-nice guy.

Oh, geez, now I want to go.

Why can't ya?

I can't close down the bar on a Saturday.

That's when you guys can drink,

'cause you're not working for three days.

Hey, Moe, I'll take care of the bar.

You did me a favor today.

Huh... well, okay.

Uh, let me just show you where everything is. Uh...

Shotgun, shotgun shells,

blood mop, bag of lime, and that's it.

Now, boys, I gotta get dressed for the, uh... the-a-ter.

And done.

Dare I say it? Yippee.

Oh... I didn't know we could decorate our cars.

No, no-- it's a "Here to There" smile.

When that's on my grille,

I'm getting paid to drive people around.

So you're a taxi?

No... (laughs) no, no... no.

We're a social-media-based rideshare service.

We bring the "fair" back to "fares."

Those aren't air quotes. My fingers start doing that

after they're around the wheel all day.

Mm. Well, I drive all day,

and I don't get paid a thing.

With the money you make, I could buy a fridge...

with an ice maker.

Do you want to work for us?

Sure!

Are you over 23?

Yes.

-And are you under 80? -Yes!

-You're in! -Oh!

What the...? When I was a young car,

I didn't sit around smiling,

like I had nothing better to do.

Man, Moe's barely got two nickels to rub together.

I know a way we can make this

Moe's biggest Saturday night ever.

How does Moe make money if ladies drink free?

That's the beauty part.

This place is about to be filled with guys buying beers,

hoping to meet ladies.

Brilliant! Oh, and thanks for telling me

what the beauty part of it was.

So they pull out my gall bladder, zip me up.

I grabbed a cab,

tapped my understudy and said, "Not tonight, honey."

And here's the song I killed 'em with.

She changed the lyrics!

For me!

Then came the bombs:

Tobacco Valley,

What Color Is Your Tambourine,

and The Smell of Music-- but I'm still here.

And I'd like to dedicate this song

to the one great love of my life,

the man who was my third and fifth husband-- but...

you never know what the future holds.

Oh-ho!

(dance music throbbing, lively conversations)

Huh. Not a man in sight.

We got the Cheery Red Tomatoes,

a bachelorette party...

Ooh! Lady Duff!

I am woman, hear me pour!

Oh, yeah!

There's no guys!

We haven't made any money.

Not yet, but at least we're hearing

some interesting conversation

from those two book clubs.

Well, we thought The Heaven Lovers' Club

was rich and spiritual.

We thought it was maybe a little slow.

Oh, well, maybe I can liven it up for ya!

Let me help you up.

Ow!

MOE (moaning): Oh, yeah.

Okay, stop here, please.

So this is the charming tavern you've been telling me about.

Yep, nice and cozy and...

Wha...?

My crap hole!

My precious crap hole!

Anyone tries to stop me,

and you'll see her lovely bones all over the floor!

This is nuts.

Tell me you still work, Love Tester.

Oh, I'm ruined!

Sorry, Moe.

I love losers,

but only after they've bounced at the bottom.

Hyah!

You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!

Hey, come on, all is not lost.

This coaster's fine.

You are not my friends.

To me, you're just mouths drinking beers.

You can't mean that!

We don't look at you that way.

Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry for snapping at you guys,