Hacks - First Season

Hey.

Hi.

Housekeeping!

Hello? Housekeeping.

No, no, nope.

No, no. Not today.

Thanks.

== Hacks == Season 1 - Episode 7

Episode Title: "Tunnel of Love" Aired on: June 02, 2021

- You still mad at me? - Heh.

I could never stay mad at you.

How you doing?

- Good. Busy.

- Great. Hey, you free for lunch today?

- No, sorry. Um...

I have to do press for the big show,

and then I'm throwing DJ her 35th birthday party.

Ah.

So I guess dinner's out too, then?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Well, hey. Why don't you come?

I'm sure DJ would love to see you,

and you'd actually be helping me out.

I always have to pad these parties.

Turns out that being in Narcotics Anonymous this long

has left her with friends that are...

all anonymous.

Yeah, okay.

I'll see you tonight, then.

Bye.

Is this your makeup bag?

'Cause it's, like, mostly half-smoked joints

and used Q-tips.

- Yeah, that's it. - Okay.

No, I'm using mine.

- Ugh, I'm so glad I got tonight off.

Plus, I really need a break from Luna.

She's just going through this, like, really intense stage

where she absolutely hates me.

I mean, like, I know she's just a baby,

but, like, it still hurts.

Like, last night, she said, "Luna no love Mama."

I'm like, "You've only met, like, three people

in your whole life, and you hate the best one?"

Ugh, I'm sorry, Kiki.

That's really hard. - Yeah.

Do you have, like, a Beautyblender?

Like, you know, like, an eggy sponge?

Um...

- Why'd I even ask? - No, I--

I usually just use my fingers,

'cause makeup doesn't really have rules.

- Mm-mm. Makeup absolutely has rules.

Oh, no.

Fire the hors d'oeuvres.

Josefina told me to wait

until at least half the guests arrive.

Josefina!

Josefina?

Hi, um, I think that there's been

a little bit of a misunderstanding.

People are under the false impression

that you're running this party.

- Damien, I am the House Manager.

So, first, do not yell my name.

And second, this party is under my jurisdiction,

and what I say goes.

- Well, I'm Deborah's personal assistant,

and I'm in charge of all of her events, so--

Again, I'm the House Manager,

and this event is in the house, so...

Fire the hors d'oeuvres.

- Yeah. Fire the hors d'oeuvres.

- Deborah, you know Wilson.

Ah, so you're the mystery date. - Mm-hmm.

- You look so different without your fluorescent vest on.

Not better. Just different.

- Well, thank you for having me.

- Yes, well, please help yourself to some champagne.

Are you still angry at me about the shapewear?

Is that what this is all about?

It's not about you, Deborah.

I like him.

Mm-hmm.

Deborah!

My God, I'm so happy to be here!

I had to get out of the freaking house so bad.

Ava, you look pretty.

Oh.

Really?

Thanks.

You look-- - You!

No, no, no. Are those Bellinis?

No, no, no, those are not to be served

until the puff pastry comes out.

Am I blushing?

No clue.

I use high-coverage foundation.

It's basically paint.

- Ooh! - Oh, my God.

- Does that look familiar? Sir, was this yours?

- But a creative way, but still...

Ladies.

Deborah.

- Marty. - Madame Mayor.

- Oh, Marty! Oh, so good to see you again.

Now, where's your lovely little girlfriend this evening?

No, she's not coming.

Jeez.

Well, she's nuts, huh?

If I were her, I wouldn't let you out of my sight.

Oh.

Well, we actually broke up.

Ah.

Good to know.

Okay!

The birthday girl has arrived!

Happy birthday, dear.

Hi.

- Hi. You look cute.

Thank you!

Well, you must be Aidan.

It's so nice to finally meet you.

DJ sent me clips of all your fights.

I'm starstruck. - Thank you, ma'am.

- Excuse me, Ms. Vance, do you have a second

- Oh, hope you didn't give him the shiner, sweetie.

Ooh, Ava! Ava, come here.

Come meet my man.

Ava, this is the love of my life.

Aidan, this is my girlfriend, Ava.

- Hey. Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure. - Oh, wow.

Firm grip. - Oh, yeah.

His body's his career.

He's the current Tuff-N-Uff MMA

welterweight champ.

Ooh, feel his muscle!

Babe, don't flex.

Just grab on.

- Wow. - Right?

- Crazy, yeah. - Right?

Okay, babe, now flex.

- You want me to-- - Get back in there.

Just, I--

He's flexed now.

Okay.

- Yep. - Double puka shells?

You look so cute.

That was actually the first time

I went on tour with Deborah.

Was that before or after

her joke about crackheads?

Uh, well, I believe

she changed it to opioids, so...

- Oh, okay. Instead of being

about Black people, it's about poor people.

I mean, it just must, like,

suck to work for a white lady for 20 years, or whatever.

Sadly, Cosby wasn't hiring.

Oh, my God.

How did you start working for her?

- Well, she was my favorite comedian growing up,

which should've been my first clue that I was gay.

- That, and the double puka shells.

Correct.

And when I was 18,

I drove my mom's Cimarron for three hours

to see Deborah's show in D.C., and she was incredible.

And I stayed after for her to autograph this shirt

that I made with her face on the front,

and she got a kick out of it.

And then I told her she needed to seriously reconsider

her idea of brand merchandising.

- And she offered me a job on the spot.

I've been with her ever since.

That's cool.

- I've been talking about myself too much.

Uh, what's your story? How did you become a water cop?

Uploaded my résumé and got the job.

- And I get that hating me is part of her development,

but it's also part of her development

to know that I have more friends than her.

Isn't she three?

Exactly.

- Now, show me one. Where is he?

- You think she thinks he's funny?

I mean, she's laughing,

so, yeah?

What's the deal with them?

- Mm, I think they have some history.

There's, like, a vibe between them,

and, I don't know.

I ship it.

- Is--is this-- - The "Jurassic Park" theme.

Yes. - Yeah.

She's pretty good.

- Mm, 100 grand on piano lessons.

This is all she learned to play.

Well,